scrappy22

Having a heck of a time recently. I'm 96 days sober today. I left my previous job as a cook about two and a half weeks ago (extremely stressful) because I was hired as a shipping clerk for a medical supplies company. It's a great opportunity as the company provides medical, dental, and vision benefits; paid sick time; three weeks' vacation during the first year of employment; and the ability to advance both in title and salary. I was thrilled when I was offered the position. However, I haven't been able to start working because of a background check delay (there's nothing in my background, but I lived in another state for a couple of years and it's that state that's taking so long). I've essentially been unemployed for two weeks. There's no income, so money is about to become an issue. I live with my older brother (aged 34) and he is also unemployed, though he seems to have lost his desire to try. I've suffered from depression and anxiety since the age of 12 (I'm 31 now) and am receiving treatment for it in the forms of therapy and medication. My mother and younger sister (aged 28) live in the apartment below mine. Mom is in her early 60's and works full-time, so she's beginning to need help with different daily/weekly tasks and, as the sort of Cinderella of the family (minus the cartoon beauty), the job of caretaker/housekeeper/friendly-reminder-er/family rock (which has been my role since adolescence) falls to me. Needless to say, I carry a lot of weight on my shoulders every day. Now, being in this employment limbo, the weight's getting to be a bit much and my depressive habits have come out to play. Oversleeping, not eating, neglecting personal hygiene at times, isolation, and resisting the urge the play the old tapes that tell me I'm a horrible person, I should be dead, etc. I've tried forcing myself to engage in tasks that are new to me (crafts, particularly) and making daily to-do lists to keep myself occupied, but as the days without work continue, it's becoming more and more difficult to get out of bed and do things I need to do and things to help pass the time. As of yesterday afternoon, the out of state background check is still pending and I was told background checks in this particular state tend to take longer than usual. I'm a patient woman, but this kind of waiting is painful.

Astro

"This too shall pass" is a phrase used in recovery. Life is constantly changing and when today is over tomorrow begins anew. 3 months of sobriety is a miracle, be proud of it! We all carry weight on our shoulders, that's part of being a sober and responsible member of society, it's life on life's terms.

How about cleaning yourself up, go out for a nice healthy (and maybe inexpensive) meal, and try to get a good night's rest? It's important to get into healthy routines like that and to put some work into taking care of ourselves, to work on our self esteem. You'll eventually start that job and the money will come in again.

Yes, be patient, be gentle on yourself. Recovery is a process that doesn't happen overnight. For many it's a lifetime of work, and it's worth every bit of effort we put into it.