DancingbtRealms

Hi, I am struggling with this issue in my head. I am doing another 4th step with a new sponsor. I am greatly dealing with some major resentments with a few other women in the program, and so happens my sponsor is in that circle of friends. The explanation of these resentments in my situation are going to include some personal information about these women, and I don't feel it's necessary to name their names. I want to respect their anonymity, and, even though I want to trust my sponsor, I don't know for a FACT that she will keep a closed mouth.
I am thinking it would be in my and their best interest give my inventory to another woman outside my home group.
A quick side note...I mentioned these concerns to my sponsor and she said if I wanted to stay sober, and, by naming these names, I must be fully honest.

I heard somewhere in the BB it talks about this, not specifically, but in reference.

Advice/suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!

sugarbear1

I would not tell those names to my sponsor in this case and I think my sponsor would agree. Use A B C D etc if you do this with the sponsor. We place principles over personalities and your sponsor does not need to know exactly who, that is between you and your higher power.

DancingbtRealms

Thank you sugarbear, that makes complete sense, great perspective there. Suggestion will be taken.

BadCompany

Sugarbear is right, there is no need to name names. It is your inventory, mot theirs.

GracieLou

I don't think I could do a 4th step with someone that I did not trust. The sponsor's job is not to judge your resentments but to listen and help you see your part in them. If I even thought for one second that what I told my sponsor would be taken beyond our relationship I would be very upset. Trust is a big issue for me.

Not only would take the step outside but I think I would find a new sponsor. Nickname or codes could be used but, for me, that is not honest. I personally would have a problem with it. Not because of the code name, but because I wouldn't have that level of trust that I need.

Kudos for your willingness to do the step anyway and ask advice. Many may have used it as an excuse not to do it at all.

DayTrader

I'm with Gracie Lou.... If I don't trust them, I wouldn't work with them. My sponsor has made almost every inventory I've written, so has his sponsor and several of they other guys my sponsor sponsors.

I put them on there because, for me, it's important to not be so secretive any longer. If that person finds out, it's out of my hands and a chance for me to practice my 3rd step. Maybe they're "supposed" to hear my criticisms, I don't know. When they have found out, and when it's embarrassed me.......in time I've been able to look back at those events and see that I should have taken my grievances to them directly in the first place.

I get that each member is entitled to the amount of anonymity they want for themselves......but me expressing my feelings about them has 100% to do with me and my inability to accept them as they are, my inability to forgive, and my desire to resent - it doesn't really have anything to do with them and what they're doing (or not doing).

ardy

sugarbear private is private and you need to hold some of that just that.. what all the others have said ditto... prayers ardy

Jen73

Having a sponsor is to help each other to be sober, and other people doesn't need to know what you talk about with your sponsor. If your sponsor is in that circle and she not helping you through the Steps, maybe you need to find another sponsor that doesn't open her mouth.

You suppose to trust your sponsor and if your sponsor is judgmental then its time to find a better one. Its like going to a therapist, you and your therapist is helping you to get thru life and keep it privately.

Your sponsor doesn't need who it is, just let her know you are struggling with resentments and need to learned how to cope with it. Then you can fill in the blanks by yourself.

Hope this makes sense!! Good luck