hoarding?
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,047
What would you like to know? My father was/is a hoarder. I don't know a lot about this, but believe it to be a disease. He was raised during the Depression, so part of his hoarding natures stems from that, the fear that he will "be without or not have enough".
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
About five years ago I hired an efficiency expert and organizational coach to help me get things straightened out. I took a truck load to good will and another truck load to a pick up service for disposal or reclamation. That put a dent in my collection of 'stuff'. I was like the people you see on TV arguing that I needed something - even though it's been sitting for ten years collecting dust. I also grew up very poor and with very little.
Bicycles were obtained from the junk yard and spliced together from parts as a kid.
I seem to have amassed a couple more tuck loads of 'stuff' since then.
Bicycles were obtained from the junk yard and spliced together from parts as a kid.
I seem to have amassed a couple more tuck loads of 'stuff' since then.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
True hoarders feel like they are losing a part of themselves when they try to throw anything away. My neighbor is a hoarder. She only has little trails in her house that she can walk through and her yard is full. Her brother was trying to force her to throw things away and she literally felt like she was going to die. I believe it will take a lot of counseling to work through something like that. It took me 3 years just to convince her she has a problem. Even if they are forced to throw things away they will replace it as soon as they can. I haven't found any support groups for it.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
My mother didn't hoard things, but paper. When she went into assisted living we went thru her house and ended up with five large trash bags full of paper! 
She had cancelled checks dating years and years back and never threw away magazines or fliers or sweepstakes offers.
When we'd try to get rid of an empty box, for example, she'd squawk and throw a fit. So we'd get rid of it when she wasn't looking and she never noticed it was gone.
She also grew up in the Depression. When we cleaned her kitchen we found food that was way past the expiration date. She got mad when we threw it out, even tho we showed her the old date. She still got upset that we got rid of it.
She had cancelled checks dating years and years back and never threw away magazines or fliers or sweepstakes offers. When we'd try to get rid of an empty box, for example, she'd squawk and throw a fit. So we'd get rid of it when she wasn't looking and she never noticed it was gone.
She also grew up in the Depression. When we cleaned her kitchen we found food that was way past the expiration date. She got mad when we threw it out, even tho we showed her the old date. She still got upset that we got rid of it.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,047
Originally Posted by least 
My mother didn't hoard things, but paper. When she went into assisted living we went thru her house and ended up with five large trash bags full of paper! She had cancelled checks dating years and years back and never threw away magazines or fliers or sweepstakes offers.
When we'd try to get rid of an empty box, for example, she'd squawk and throw a fit. So we'd get rid of it when she wasn't looking and she never noticed it was gone.
She also grew up in the Depression. When we cleaned her kitchen we found food that was way past the expiration date. She got mad when we threw it out, even tho we showed her the old date. She still got upset that we got rid of it.
She had cancelled checks dating years and years back and never threw away magazines or fliers or sweepstakes offers. When we'd try to get rid of an empty box, for example, she'd squawk and throw a fit. So we'd get rid of it when she wasn't looking and she never noticed it was gone.
She also grew up in the Depression. When we cleaned her kitchen we found food that was way past the expiration date. She got mad when we threw it out, even tho we showed her the old date. She still got upset that we got rid of it.
Nowadays, in his home, he grabs everything off the tables in the dining facility so his kitchen counter is piled with Styrofoam cups that are filled with sugar packets, creamers, small butters, crackers, etc. I'll go in every week and fill a trash bag, he never notices it's gone.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 46
i tend to have a hard time throwing things away, so i believe I have hoarding tendencies. I feel that it is related to obsessive compulsive disorder. There is a feeling of anxiety, of doing something wrong when throwing something away, knowing that it can't be undone. This is similar to the discomfort I feel when I don't give into an OCD urge.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Hoarding?
I call it collecting.
Books, CDs, diecast cars, you name it.
I used to collect most things I could get my hands on having 4 legs and a tail, but my wife has disabused me of that notion.
No need for me to do it, though, because she does now.
I call it collecting.
Books, CDs, diecast cars, you name it.
I used to collect most things I could get my hands on having 4 legs and a tail, but my wife has disabused me of that notion.
No need for me to do it, though, because she does now.
New Life Sober
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Noblesville, IN
Posts: 777
Yeah, hoarding is scary disorder, I have many people thru my life had problems with hoarding. Its pretty scaring what you can find in that mess.
Hoarding often runs in families and can often escort other mental health disorders, like depression, social anxiety, bipolar disorder, and urge control problems. A preponderance of people with obsessive hoarding can identify another family member who has the problem. These behaviors had been around for a long time… Sometimes if you help someone who has this problem can be very frightening. Since I been thru this with close family, it was very difficult to get them to change. It’s treated like OCD is and if they aren’t ready or don’t think they have a problem you can’t really help them. I had to leave some of my family members and never go back to see them. I would call them but that is all I would do. It’s very unhealthy environment for my kids and I just couldn’t bare with it anymore.
Hoarding often runs in families and can often escort other mental health disorders, like depression, social anxiety, bipolar disorder, and urge control problems. A preponderance of people with obsessive hoarding can identify another family member who has the problem. These behaviors had been around for a long time… Sometimes if you help someone who has this problem can be very frightening. Since I been thru this with close family, it was very difficult to get them to change. It’s treated like OCD is and if they aren’t ready or don’t think they have a problem you can’t really help them. I had to leave some of my family members and never go back to see them. I would call them but that is all I would do. It’s very unhealthy environment for my kids and I just couldn’t bare with it anymore.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,850
Thanks everyone for the shares. The hoarding I'm speaking of goes on a much higher level then what most folks here shared. The show Hoarders looks like childs play, for the mess I'm speaking about.
Wall to wall junk, some good stuff, a lot just garbage? Where you can't even make a trail thru it? Like you can't even use a level or so of the home? Not just collectables either. Junk, trash, and just plain old mess. Sick, sick, sick.
I agree with Jen, thanks much. It probably is OCD, or another very grave mental problem.
What do you do if you have to live with that? And you aren't that way?
Most people avoid the issues, move out, move on. What if you can't?
Why aren't there more support groups available to people who have to deal with this?
Is there any hope for a hoarder? Just another sick disease of the mind, that destroys lives, and families.
I'm dealing with this issue with a loved one, so I need as much experience, and hope, advice that comes my way.
Thanks friends.
Wall to wall junk, some good stuff, a lot just garbage? Where you can't even make a trail thru it? Like you can't even use a level or so of the home? Not just collectables either. Junk, trash, and just plain old mess. Sick, sick, sick.
I agree with Jen, thanks much. It probably is OCD, or another very grave mental problem.
What do you do if you have to live with that? And you aren't that way?
Most people avoid the issues, move out, move on. What if you can't?
Why aren't there more support groups available to people who have to deal with this?
Is there any hope for a hoarder? Just another sick disease of the mind, that destroys lives, and families.
I'm dealing with this issue with a loved one, so I need as much experience, and hope, advice that comes my way.
Thanks friends.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,850
Thanks everyone, Gilmer too. How can I hope to be healthy in mind, body and spirit? When I've lived with this for so very long? I wish to be indifferent to it. I've prayed so many times for a change, its not coming. I can work on my issues, I feel I could truly break free of my problems, if I had something positive to go on here? It would help me a lot. Its not going to happen. What should I do? What are my options? I have to live here, and need the money, insurance. This is a daily nightmare that never ends!
At least with my drinking, I've had a few good sober weeks. There is nothing sober about a hoarder. Not even one little day of reprieve. Ever.
I feel so ashamed, and its not even my fault. I did a letter once to a hoarder, from a wife.
Here it is:
I'm so sad and sick about how bad you have become.
I don't get to entertain anymore, because I have no family room to do so.
I'm so embarassed when people come over, and want to see our home.
I make up lies, and excuses so my friends can't come over. I'm too ashamed.
We can't and don't use our garage, for 10 or more years now. Its wall to wall garbage.
I can't use my fireplace anymore, because I can't even see it now. We use to enjoy good times in front of the fireplace.
I'm afraid and ashamed we may need to get the furnace looked at, because I'm too ashamed to have a repair man in.
I hope and pray you don't die, or have a medical emergency down in your space. Because it would shame me to call 911 for help, for you.
So, all your stuff means that much to you? Why don't you see it? Why don't you at least try to be
Better? Why do you continue to do this to us? Yourself? Why don't you see and work on your problem? Its torn us apart. Thank God our kids have grown and moved away, before you became so sick.
You were not always this way. But, had the tendency. It was always there. I think you like it? You say it isn't a problem. When I clean up time and time again, sometimes you yell at me, other times you don't say anything. But, you keep doing it. What am I to do here?
I'm without hope. Because you will not change. And this has ruined our relationship, marriage of 33 years. I miss the way things use to be, before you got so sick. And I pray and wish for a change.
I will love you always, but I don't like what you have become. Please try to get help. Be better, be different.
Luv your wife.
So that's my letter to a hoarder, from his wife.
At least with my drinking, I've had a few good sober weeks. There is nothing sober about a hoarder. Not even one little day of reprieve. Ever.
I feel so ashamed, and its not even my fault. I did a letter once to a hoarder, from a wife.
Here it is:
I'm so sad and sick about how bad you have become.
I don't get to entertain anymore, because I have no family room to do so.
I'm so embarassed when people come over, and want to see our home.
I make up lies, and excuses so my friends can't come over. I'm too ashamed.
We can't and don't use our garage, for 10 or more years now. Its wall to wall garbage.
I can't use my fireplace anymore, because I can't even see it now. We use to enjoy good times in front of the fireplace.
I'm afraid and ashamed we may need to get the furnace looked at, because I'm too ashamed to have a repair man in.
I hope and pray you don't die, or have a medical emergency down in your space. Because it would shame me to call 911 for help, for you.
So, all your stuff means that much to you? Why don't you see it? Why don't you at least try to be
Better? Why do you continue to do this to us? Yourself? Why don't you see and work on your problem? Its torn us apart. Thank God our kids have grown and moved away, before you became so sick.
You were not always this way. But, had the tendency. It was always there. I think you like it? You say it isn't a problem. When I clean up time and time again, sometimes you yell at me, other times you don't say anything. But, you keep doing it. What am I to do here?
I'm without hope. Because you will not change. And this has ruined our relationship, marriage of 33 years. I miss the way things use to be, before you got so sick. And I pray and wish for a change.
I will love you always, but I don't like what you have become. Please try to get help. Be better, be different.
Luv your wife.
So that's my letter to a hoarder, from his wife.
New Life Sober
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Noblesville, IN
Posts: 777
Have u personally went to a doctor or therapy and talk to them about it. They might have other ways to help you.
I know one thing and I know its going to be hard in time. Give her support and give her positive outlook, like let me know when u need help sorting this out. Take one stack at a time.
Sometimes is good to find someone who's been a hoarder from the outside.
Call someone and you can get some ideas on how u can help
Good luck!!
I know one thing and I know its going to be hard in time. Give her support and give her positive outlook, like let me know when u need help sorting this out. Take one stack at a time.
Sometimes is good to find someone who's been a hoarder from the outside.
Call someone and you can get some ideas on how u can help
Good luck!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 46
I wonder if there are a lack of support groups because hoarding is difficult to define. There is hardly a distinct line that separates people that are merely messy or frugal from those with a real problem. If someone keeps bank statements and bills for decades in a plastic bag on the floor, it is seen as worse than if they kept them in a series of filing cabinets.
Perhaps it only becomes a real problem when friends can't visit, the person's quality of life is diminished, or their lives are endangered -these criteria are subjective as well.
Perhaps it only becomes a real problem when friends can't visit, the person's quality of life is diminished, or their lives are endangered -these criteria are subjective as well.
Last edited by raul88; 03-14-2015 at 08:08 AM. Reason: misspelling error
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
Why not start a support group for it?? Or an internet support group for it? There are sites that will let you start a new forum about anything you please.
Perhaps there isn't a support group for it because people are embarrassed/ashamed, but you can't be the only one having this problem.
Perhaps there isn't a support group for it because people are embarrassed/ashamed, but you can't be the only one having this problem.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 194
True hoarding is an indication of an anxiety disorder, usually OCD. It is a mental illness. This person probably need some therapy, maybe even CBT. There are plenty of support groups for hoarding, but I'd recommend seeing a professional. You can't make them stop. They have to learn different coping skills.
If it's something you are having to live with, you probably need some therapy support for yourself and figure out how you can cope with and support this person, or how you can get to where you can make that right choices that are healthy for you, even if it means leaving, either temporary, permanently, or just living apart but staying together.
If it's something you are having to live with, you probably need some therapy support for yourself and figure out how you can cope with and support this person, or how you can get to where you can make that right choices that are healthy for you, even if it means leaving, either temporary, permanently, or just living apart but staying together.
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