scrappy22

So today is my 68th day of sobriety (huzzah). I've posted in the Newcomers' Forum about some issues related to my job. I've been a cook with my current employer for about 3 years and I loathe it. I dread going in every day and often have anxiety attacks while I'm there simply because I'm there. It crushes my spirit and has spawned several physical health problems. Depression has been a part of my life for 19 years, so I'm no stranger to medications and therapies and hospitalizations and suicidal attempts/thoughts/desires. Back to the Scared part: I had an interview for another job today! I won't know anything until the end of the week, but the interview went well, so I'm hopeful. I was thinking about the interview a couple days ago and hoping it'd go well and that I'd be able to leave my current job and this line of monologue happened: "If I don't get this job, I might kill myself." Very casually, just like that. I guess I'm scared because...my current job creates enough despair in me that I think I'd be tempted to try. And my rational self knows there are other job opportunities out there, but it's also very eager to get out. Now. Simply knowing that I'd have to keep going in indefinitely would crush me.

Anyway, I mostly just needed to vent as I haven't discussed this with anyone. Thanks for taking the time to read

sleepie

Hi scrappy, the service industry is hard to work in. I think it is great you are remaining sober while cooking! It's a party culture. I have friends in the industry. Just please reach out or do whatever it takes if you feel this way. There are jobs out there, just keep applying. Do you network? Everyone here knows each other in the culinary world and usually can get hooked up with something. It's rare anyone I know works at a place for years. They all hop from restaurant to restaurant. It's a very intense lifestyle and job.

Soberwolf

Congrats on day 70 Scappy keep on keepin on