mnh1982

Hey guys.
So.
I will keep the background as short as possible...I'm adopted (only one in a family of 6 kids), & I acknowledge that I have struggled in my life with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and disordered eating. The list of things contributing to this is probably really long but the highlights are: (again) adopted; feeling like the family 'black sheep' & definitely being treated like it; being one of the 'weird kids' in high school; horrible relationship with exfiancee; had an abortion at age 19 after finding out I was pregnant by a-hole exfiance at USCG boot camp (getting kicked out of the military is pretty rad); subsequent related problems.

My mother has decided, due to current circumstances involving my husband & I, that I MUST have bipolar disorder because there's no other explanation for what she considers "problems with money & jobs." I sent her a one-line text message yesterday to mention that the counselor she wanted me to see this week wasn't available, then got busy taking care of my little boy, so didn't elaborate. (What I had been going to say was that instead, I saw a counselor who WAS available...). Here was the email I woke up to this morning:

"You are an intelligent young women. You have a Masters Degree, have knowledge on a variety of subjects, great reader, etc. You have demonstrated the ability to learn new things and yet seem to have difficulty learning from past mistakes. You have gone from one crisis to the next. Credit card debt, moving from job to job, difficulty with multiple boyfriends, easily angered, mood swings, impulsiveness, spending without consideration first. If you need specific examples we can provide these.

It is normal for person who is as smart as you are to learn from their mistakes and not continue to repeat them. Therefore there may be something else that may be causing this and should be looked into.

We believe that we may be part of the problem as you have been able to come to us for money, place to stay, car to use, and child care. Before you come for help with the next crisis you need to have tried these things:

Screening for bipolar and counseling
Budgeting course


We got information on free screening for bipolar/counseling and free budgeting classes from the secretary at Family promise. The secretary actually goes to xxxxxxxxx. So we contacted xxxxxxxxx in xxxxxxxxxxxx and it looks as though you can go there for free and they will point you in the right direction for providers as it appears that you are unable to see xxxx"

Here's the thing...At no point (anymore, anyway) do I feel "out of control" of myself. My life? Sure. But that's because it's actually true that I can't control my husband's recovery or addiction; I can't control his job loss & therefore can't control our finances to my liking. I can't control the job market, or our vehicles breaking down or...you get the idea.

I do not believe medication is always the answer. It's an option & a path for people to take if they believe they need/want to, or if it's suggested by a trusted provider. But I don't believe it's for me. I also believe I'm proactive & self-aware enough that, if I DID feel out of control or like something wasn't right, I would seek out that help myself.

How do you guys deal with unwanted advice & armchair diagnosis like this? How do you handle it when it's FAMILY??

Thanks everyone...

PurpleKnight

I suppose the starting point for myself is I had to learn that family do care somewhere deep down, parents worry about their kids and will do, that comes with the job, but then on the other side of things parents can have a plan mapped out for their kids, how they want their kids to be, or think they should be, so there needs to be a balance.

I now take onboard everything a family may say, but I let them know that I am grateful for the input but that's all that it is, input, it's not a case of you say and I do anymore, as an adult I make my own decisions in life.

Probably getting checked out though would do no harm, you never know you might find out something, and if not at least you can say well I went and under medical advice I don't have a problem, they won't be able to argue with that.

Armchair diagnosis is only as good as matching up with real medical diagnosis!!

OnMyWay7

I know it's not what you want to hear but I would have loved it if my parents cared anough about me to have put this much effort into helping me with anything. It might seem like they're getting too involved and maybe they are - but again to me at least they're trying to help and giving you an actual plan.