Gal220

I am so grateful to AA. It saved my life and has allowed me to stay sober for seven years. But I am tired. I am tired of people telling me my depression is because I'm not working the steps or because I'm not seeking God or not listening to God.

People always say mental illness should be acknowledged as a real illness, that people should be understanding, that it's not the sick person's fault. But they don't really mean it. When push comes to shove, people still believe it's my fault. They tell me to work harder, to get back to basics, to seek God, to fake it until I make it, to put in more effort, to choose to be happy, to stop being afraid, to get back into a busy routine, to stop being selfish, to be more grateful.

Well ok. I confess. I caused all of it. I am my own worst enemy. My depression is self-indulgent. I'm just lazy and ungrateful. I have tried everything. I have done therapy, AA, prayer, doing things for others, getting married and having children so that I wouldn't just be thinking about myself, meds, diet, exercise, hospitalization, and even ECT. I am still depressed. I still have anxiety.

I am tired.

Dave36

I'm not a fan of AA myself. I know that probably not a popular opinion here but I find it out dated and cult like some times. I know it's help lots of people. It's just not for me. I find the hardcore old timers to even have dangerous views about people taking medication. Not sure praying away serious depression is the safest strategy. I'm sure others will disagree with me.

Astro

I appreciate the honesty in both your posts. I'm a big fan of AA but I don't believe it's always the answer to depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues. We each have to find what works for and helps us.

In addition to AA I use sunshine, fresh air, exercise, church, and fishing. But that's my routine, it's just what works for me.

I still get tired and depressed at times though. It does pass, but it requires recognition and attention. I have to work my way through it often.

Gal220

I didn't mean to imply that only AA people tell me these things. It's everyone. Even my husband, my family, my therapist (although she obviously does it more gently than most). When I met with my psych CNP last week about my meds, she told me she didn't really know what to do since I seemed indifferent. That was frustrating.

I guess I just feel like I've done everything I can. I've done everything that's been suggested, even when I didn't feel it would help. I mean, I let them shock my brain! Several times! At first people were so sympathetic, telling me I'd be ok, that I'd get help. Now it's like, you've been at this a year, get over it. And people who have known me longer at even more frustrated because I've been through this depression on and off for twenty years.

I'm losing steam and it's hard not to think that it's all pointless and that I'm never going to get better.

dsmaxis10

AA people have a lot of stigma towards the mentally ill !!!

Astro

I disagree with this. I've found AA to be very accepting of mental illness, it is mentioned often in the literature and discussed at meetings. The only stigma I've experienced is towards the use of medications to cope with our issues. The general opinion on that is that if taken as prescribed, it shouldn't be a problem.