LonelyShadow

I recently made the massive mistake of listening to the AV and hey presto I was right back to disastrous, dangerous drinking. I won't go into too much detail but I can assure you it's been horrific.

So, I'm back on Day 2, the fog is starting to clear and I need to reassess what happened, my question is can I just make my Big Plan again seeing as it failed last time?

Has anyone else been using AVRT and "Relapsed" then come back to AVRT again and been successful?

I already know that AA doesn't work for me so I'm not going back to them but I'm wondering if there's anything else I can add so I can keep my defences up next time the AV hits me that strongly,

I was exhausted and fed up and just felt like I had no defences left. The AV was constantly on at me and I was definitly white-knuckling right up until I gave in. I'm angry at myself because I recognised it was the AV and still gave in anyway. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Any help is appreciated
Thanks all

happycampers

Try reading Jason Vale's"Quit drinking ...easily" book - I think it'll help you as it has many others here. Combine it with what you've already learnt - you just a few more mental tools to work with. You'll beat this !

Nonsensical

Yes.

LonelyShadow

Thanks Happycamper i'll order it now,

I really do feel like I'm so, so close to truly getting to grips with this as last period of sobriety was effortless and really productive, I feel a bit in despair that this has happened again BUT I feel like even that is a bit of a sneaky ploy by the AV,

"I feel so hopeless, might as well drink!"

How on EARTH does that make any logical sense?! It's similar to that strange old twist of logic "I'm an alcoholic because I drink, and I drink because I'm an alcoholic" That one also made a lot of sense to me when I was in full-blown addiction, but now it just seems utterly absurd. Like saying "I'm poisoned because I consume poison, I consume poison because I'm a poison drinker" STOP DRINKING THE DAMN POISON YOU IDIOT!

It's not hopeless, it's never too hopeless. Already I've beaten the AV a couple of times today and i'm back to winning the fight

LonelyShadow

Thanks Nonsensical, I had a feeling it had been done before.

Greenwood618

Stop fighting. Stop using war/battle/enemy language and images. The R is for recognition. Recognize and separate. You sound very deep into recovery group thinking with your pleas for support and use of the word relapse. Relapse is for diseases. We don't have relapses, we have drinks. Use of the word Relapse is your beast screaming for more alcohol.

It is also important to understand nothing even AVRT will eliminate the occasional desire to drink. But only AVRT gives you the framework within which you can safely and happily ignore such desires.

JeffreyAK

In my experience, repeating the same strategy over and over again is asking for the same outcomes, but if you've simply lapsed you can certainly just try again.

Do you have any recovery support groups nearby, that aren't AA since you say AA does not work, that you could attend? There are a number of SMART meetings (UK SMART Recovery), and one LifeRing meeting (http://lifering.org/wp-content/uploa...FWorldNoUS.pdf). Nothing at all wrong with recovery support groups, if they work for you, and lots of options other than AA.

Nonsensical

To be clear, while AVRT is the foundation of my sobriety 'system' I made additional adjustments that I believe are necessary for my long term sobriety. Telling the AV "no" is fundamental, but its far less burdensome when a healthy, happy self is the one saying "no". Strengthening the beastmaster is indespensible to me.

How you go about achieving that is up to you. Do whatever helps.

LonelyShadow

Greenwood 618 I used the word "Relapse" in speech marks because I don't believe in them either, I am fully aware that it's not a term used in AVRT,

Doesn't Trimpery use the word enemy to describe The Beast? I'm sure he does

And the pleas of support I'm asking for is that I'm just trying to get to grips with AVRT and be able to use it more effectively. Isn't that what this site is for?

It's not Recovery Group mentality to ask for help is it? I just want this to stop and i'm reaching out to the tools I have available to me

JeffreyAK

Humans are social creatures, and we can and do help one another. If I had continued to try to go it alone, instead of quitting with a lot of group support, I'd be dead now.

jaynie04

Hi LS. I think anything you do that throws up obstacles to the AV is prudent. For me the decision to not drink was really crisp, a black and white line. Perhaps I even used my OCD in a constructive way, I refuse to taint my image of myself as a non-drinker. And I also decided I only want to do this once.

SR was important to me, I needed to feel around to find other people with whom I felt in harmony with. Being a nondrinker in a drinking world can be a strange experience at first, it helped to know I wasn't alone. My mother is an old timer in AA, (35 years) so I was raised under the belief system that there is only one "right way" to get sober. While I can see it worked for her, it just did not work for me. This forum helped me overcome the sense that doing it differently was doing it wrong. I have a reaction to any stringent externally imposed guidelines, and if reaching out to others doesn't square off with a particular method, too bad. For me, recognizing my AV does not require being locked in solitary confinement. There is a great, eclectic bunch on this forum. I guess I wouldn't consider myself a purist, while I do recognize the power of language, to me getting hung up on any one word is handing power over to my AV as if my sobriety was that fragile.

What this forum did was relieve the anxiety of striking out on my own. It is a solitary endeavor but sharing with others helps me feel less alone. I love the freedom of coming here when I want. There is no authority or guidelines…only me. The one suggestion I might make is getting on here and talking about what is going on if you start to feel like your AV is gaining momentum. This is a pretty active forum and I think having a connection sort of outs the "AV"…

There isn't one right way to get sober. All of SR is a testament to that. Listen to your heart, ask yourself whether your cognitive brain or your old brain is running the show. My old brain would love nothing more than lounging in sweats on the couch, wine bottles strewn about, nacho stains down my front with greasy hair (now if that doesn't put you off from drinking …). My cognitive brain is what I try to rely on, but it takes effort some days.

One last suggestion, don't be so tough on yourself. Reread your initial post on this thread…."massive mistake" "disastrous""exhausted" "fed up" "white knuckling"….that type of negative self talk is laying the table for an AV feast.

Sobriety is about taking your power back. It is about ownership and strength and the feeling that comes from realizing how much awesomeness we have been sublimating..better than any drink. This is, after, the badass forum. AV's quake in their boots.. actually I think my AV wears Birkenstocks.

LonelyShadow

Thank you jaynie04, your words are very helpful

jazzfish

One thing I like to keep in mind is that no "program" works for me. I need to work for the program - whatever that is. I made a Big Plan a long while ago and it was just another failed attempt, and that was because I was still expecting some sudden and drastic mental shift that would now keep me sober just because I spoke the words. It didn't happen. I was still the same old me after I said it. What it did do was supply me with all the answers I need for all those thousands of time my AV pokes his nose into my business. No debating. No pondering. No romanticizing. No wondering. No daydreaming. Just a simple "nope, never" and move on.

MythOfSisyphus

I sometimes wonder why I have been able to succeed "so easily" when so many have had problems. I say "easily" with some irony; I drank hard for 25 years and harder towards the end. The last five years I drank I doubt I had three sober days per year! In my desperation and despair I discovered SR and AVRT. Well, just the "Bullet for my Beast" slide show has been enough to keep me sober since October of 2013.

But I believe that you don't fail until you quit trying. As others have said, insanity is doing the same thing again and again while expecting different results. To me this only means you have to learn from your missteps to avoid repeating them.

AVRT says to avoid support groups. This is the sole area where I have to strongly disagree! SR has been a big help to me.

You can get your AV back in the cage!

jazzfish

When my "program" for quitting was complicated and all-consuming, quitting was difficult to achieve. When I made my "program" easy, then quitting became easy.

LonelyShadow

Thank you for all the help posted here guys, it does help.

Obviously I was disappointed that my first Big Plan didn't seem to work, but then I realised that it wasn't the Big Plan that didn't work, the Big Plan works just fine, I just didn't stick to my Big Plan on that day and broke the vow I'd made to myself. Was it stupid? Yes. Will I do it again? No way.

I have been reading the AVRT discussion thread and find it fascinating to learn from the many educated members that the AV is sometimes so subtle it can sneak into your language without you realising it, especially when it comes to verb tense ("When I drink" as opposed to "When I drank")

I guess I have more reading to do!