Wholesome

at a university hockey game on a school trip with my 10 year old. The image in my mind of how nice a cold beer would be was so intense that I could taste it. They weren't even serving beer there, it was a school trip!! It's the worst craving, AV attack I've had yet. Crazy how the mind works. Hahaha. So far it's been fairly easy. I want this. It passed quickly. But it's a reminder that I have to keep my guard up.

CelticZebra

I feel advertising/government brainwashing has a lot to answer for.
I am replacing my 'thirsty thoughts' with cold glasses of water.
Well done on your catch!

Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself

anattaboy

Yeah, I watched django unchained some months back and was mesmerized with the cutting of the head off the beer. Same thing happened back in "96 with pulp fiction. Tarantino has skills and I believe an innate knowledge of the subject. This is going to sound odd but I am. Every win over the AV for me is like backing out of the rabbit hole I willingly went deeper into by breaking my own word to myself. As I watch them pass I regain me so I'm kinda looking foreward to the next but will not sweat it. 20 minutes talking down a drink is worth the rest of MY life. yours too.

brynn

I'm so glad you posted this, zen!
In the beginning I was naive enough to think that IF I had a craving after making my Big Plan that I must be doing something wrong! (Quickly realized that wasn't true, thank goodness!). I'm with anattaboy on this... while I don't look forward to cravings, I now see them as an opportunity to exert my authority over the beast and it feels really good! With every victory my confidence increases exponentially!!

freshstart57

No guard is really required of us, just a mindfulness or a non-judging awareness. No battle, no fight, just awareness. Stare at it, see the thought for what it is, and let go of it. Phhhhhhhhhhht. Gone.

Now where were we? Ah, yes. Onward!

Creekryder

More than likely, the urge to take a drink may make its descent upon me in the future. But I don't even concern myself with that now. That is a future event and if I tarry upon it too much, I can inadvertently bring it into being. I prefer to delight in the present state of sobriety and do not concern myself about tomorrow. If my reserve is strong and unfaltering in the present, chances are favorable it will continue the next day.

Wholesome

I gave myself a little moment to mourn that I will never drink again. Some people might not agree with me saying this but I will miss not being able to have a beer at a hockey game. One would be my downfall and my undoing, it would open the gates of hell and I'd be right back in the thick of my addiction again so I'm not ever going to act on my thoughts. But it did make me a little sad to think I will never be able to have a $10 beer at an event again. Oh well c'est la vie! I was told a saying about meditation and thoughts..... goes something like this. You are the mountain and your thoughts are the clouds. Clouds can't move the mountain.

Celtic you're right about advertising! It's been drilled into our heads that good times and alcohol are entwined together and it's horseshit. Have you seen the South Park drink responsibly commercial?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taKSrYPqys8

MythOfSisyphus

Well said! I think if we're being honest it's okay to "mourn" the illusion of joy we used to get from alcohol. As you say though, we are mountains- we can't let the clouds move us.

FeelingGreat

I found the best way to treat cravings was to urgently think of something else. It's fatal to dwell on them too long because your mind is only too ready to picture drinking in great detail.
Practice makes perfect.

ubntubnt

yes, I have many moments where drinking was a really nice experience and I miss those. But you can't separate those from the living hell that comes with it. Its all part of the same product. Those nice memories and the emotions attached are one of your AV's favourite tools to try to trick you into drinking. So the reality for the alcoholic is that there is no one beer watching the game.....there is only the 24 beers that made you puke and hungover.

Wholesome

There has never been such a thing as one drink for me lol

anattaboy

Funny vid! How did dude in the tux stop the shakes long enough to tie the bowtie and put on cufflinks. He must have been augmenting with focus factor.

Nofearnobeer

Hmmmm yeah Zen...Hockey , or even football without a beer is a tough one....Ooooff...Great job avoiding it...

I am not even gonna watch the superbowl this weekend...If the Falcons were playing , I'd make some adjustments , but for these 2 teams , I don't need nor want to deal with the temptation..

Wholesome

I'm craving again today!! Big time. My kids aren't home, it's Friday and I've been laid off next week. I'm not too worried about work, I get laid off for a week here and there, it's not a big deal, the work will come back, but my AV is treating like a free pass to drunk town. I will not succumb though.... it will pass. I kinda bored too... stupid winter... it's too cold to go out and do much and most of my buddies will be drinking tonight and I'm tv'd out. I'm still a bit sick too so I don't feel up to exercising. Danger zone for my mind to start playing tricks on itself.

Nofear, yeah something about any sport and drinking!! I'm a girl and not that into sports but I would always have a drink in hand if I was watching. Mostly I'm into soccer though and not into the game as much as the men!! Some of the finest specimens play soccer! lol

dwtbd

I thought I'd mourn the nice aspects of my drinking. The pleasant feeling of the first few , the buzz beginning to build. The comradery it seemed to instill with whatever company I was enjoying, or even the sense of wanting to search out company if I was drinking alone. But thinking back on those pleasant memories I either finely appraised them honestly, or have colored them in a poorer light to justify a loss.
The more I think about it , the more convinced I am that i have given them a more honest assessment. The joy or light and heady feeling of euphoria was the flicker of anticipation. Being drunk was always the end goal, even if I didn't admit it to myself and when I did too.
The warm glow of the early buzz wasn't the enjoyment, the buzz just opened the door and the "good" feelings I associated with it was that it meant I was on my way. The warm glow started the itch and the itch took some doing to scratch. About the only thing I mourn is that somehow my wiring recognized that early buzz as a pleasant experience.
I fear that experiencing that initial buzz may feel 'good' and trigger that particular itch.
But , ultimately, there is a whole wide world and near infinite possibilities of experiences of pleasure to be had and that itch need never be one again, for me.
I got 99 problems, but that itch ain't one, anymore

Wholesome

I got through it, I did not drink and the thoughts went away. I think I need to get out more.... I've been hiding from the world a bit. I need to start filling those spaces drinking has left behind with new activities. I was always quite social and I've been spending too much time alone. I'm not sure it was a drink I was craving or the excitement of something happening. Or maybe my brain is just wired to default to drinking as soon as I feel any discomfort.

anattaboy

Zen, I discovered I was more addicted to having the ability to change my mood NOW (regardless of where it would obviously end). Alcohol was reliable. It took me there and then some. Filling even a 5 minute time slot sometimes befuddles me (could be why we spend so much time here). The " anticipatory delight" dwtbd so well coined started for me upon wakening and lasted till the next morning as I never got "there" no matter how much I drank. So....Good Morning! I've enough housecleaning and a failing hot water heater to fill this day (I know, chop wood-carry water is sooo mundane but it's real). Best wishes on being creative with your time.

Wholesome

Good morning to you too!! I get up ridiculously early for work and now without hangovers I get up early even on Saturdays...... I have busy day too, chores, working out, the kids have hockey, and later this evening we are going to see the Toronto Rock lacrosse game. Good luck with the water heater!

You are right about it being about mood changing. I was feeling really meh. But this time of year, when it's dark and cold and endless, always makes me feel that way regardless of if I'm drinking.

I have been toying with the idea of taking up archery for some time, it's a bit expensive but I have a lot more money now. The few times I've been shooting (always guns) I was a great shot. However I don't want to own a gun, but a crossbow? That's bad ass.

jazzfish

For me, alcohol made me feel OK, right now. Anything that was uncomfortable or unfamiliar was pushed away instantly. Unfortunately, it also pushed away the good things too. I now enjoy feeling discomfort, or anger, or joy, or sad, or happy or whatever.

One of the things I did recently was create a spreadsheet with categories for finances, career, sobriety, physical health, mental health, family, and nutrition. In the next column, I write one small action I can take each day to improve those. I then try to carry out my day so I can put a check next to each one. Overtime, as one action becomes a habit, I replace it with a new action. This keeps me growing in a holistic manner, and also keeps me from defaulting to dwelling on "recovery". By keeping the actions small, it prevents me from going down the usually failed, total life makeover route.

I started doing the above after an interesting discovery. One day while having a craving to drink, rather than look for support to "fight through it", I started looking in to improving my personal financial management. As I start figuring out how much I made, how much I spent, how I could reduce costs, how should I invest, etc., the craving simply went away AND I felt more empowered I realized I could take control of my life.

Wholesome

Hey I like the idea of purposefully identifying new healthy actions/habits to create in all aspects of life. That's a great way to build a solid foundation in a life without addiction. I'm not looking for a total life makeover either but I need to fill the void left behind. Drinking took a lot of time and effort. I feel like I have a lot of time on my hands now and I need to find a direction or goal or something. I need to occupy my mind