TrapezeFreak

When I was a child I had an issue with hitting myself as hard or just about as hard as I could in the head when I couldn't fight the emotion I was dealing with; usually anger. Now that I have kids I have found myself falling back into this horrible trend. Even worse and more shameful is I see my now 6 year old not being able to control his anger properly and I of course blame myself. I know that my alcoholism has a lot to do with not being able to control this emotion but I am working on my drinking right now yet I still see me doing this whether I am drinking or not now. I hate it and I really hate seeing what it is doing to my family. I try to remove myself from the situation as best I can but there are moments where I just fly off the handle instantly and have no clue why. It's probably one of most shameful missteps along this hellish path of alcoholism I've traveled down. Anyone else that can relate? Any ideas on how to combat this would be greatly appreciated. I try to talk to my son and tell him how wrong and bad this is and that it doesn't do anything to help your emotions and all it does is make you feel worse but I mean he's 6 I can't expect to wrap his head around all that. I don't want him to end up like me. Help!

Fluffer

TF,

Try not to be so hard on yourself. You obviously want to do the right thing and have been victimized by the demon booze. May I infer from your statement that you are "working" on your drinking that you have not achieved total abstinence? One of the reasons I have quit for good is because I no longer want to be so moody and irratable with my family and yell at my kids. I think you need to get completely off the alcohol roller coaster to do that. I quit less than 2 months ago so I am not the best person to talk about this, but I do feel that I am calmer and less susceptible to angry outbursts with my kids these days.

Good luck!

TrapezeFreak

Thanks Fluffer. You are correct that I am "working" on my drinking. I joined SR just yesterday actually. Last night I had one drink as opposed to my usual half a bottle so the journey has just begun. I have tried many times like so many others but I am sick of my Jekyll and Hyde life that I have been living. It's not fair to my wife and kids and not fair to me. Congrats on your 2 months. Keep going.

Fluffer

OK, good luck, man! You can do it! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!

shootingstar15

Keep working toward healing... This is for yourself and for your child. Practicing and modeling self-forgiveness may be a step for you to take. Although it's difficult take a deep breath and come up with a self-forgiving mantra (say it aloud if you need to).

It also sounds like you need to address your feelings of anger. Anger is generally a go to emotion we use too express hurt, pain, etc. As you work toward recovery and healing explore this anger.

Good Luck!!!

advbike

My anger diminished a lot after I quit drinking for several months, but it was a slow process. That said, it still crops up from time to time, usually as a result of my ego, or inner thinking voice, telling me stories.

Our egos often tell us someone has wronged us in some way, and the natural reaction to this crazy thinking is to feel the emotion of anger. Then the thinking gets even worse. The crazy part is it can be a reaction to something we aren't even consciously aware of - it just sets us off.

Many of us carry emotional hurts and resentments and working a program of recovery helps us see these patterns and let go of them. Children that have it may have experienced early pain, or loss, or emotional separation from the primary caregiver. This is quite common in families of alcoholics such as my own.