Class of December 2014 Part 5
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Class of December 2014 Part 5
...holds the key
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 7,065
Oh Erin! I'm so sorry for your pain! I can't think of anything more painful than betrayal! It's one of those things that is so hard to let go of and move on from. I hope y'all can get come help for your marriage, I would hate to see this derail your sobriety...and you've already admitted it has the potential to. Get some marriage counseling if you can. You deserve to live free of this pain and the need to torture yourself with it.
Cast...please be safe traveling and check in with us when you can! Can't wait to hear about your first AA meeting!
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Cast...please be safe traveling and check in with us when you can! Can't wait to hear about your first AA meeting!
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Ya**!
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Canada! wtf eh?
Posts: 1,123
Erin, I agree with what they've said. Marriage counseling seems like it could be very helpful to the both of you. And no apologies, we're all here for each other.
Brynnadora I always say this and you're probably sick of it, but I say it because it's true. It doesn't matter what *We* think. It only matters what *You* think. What Dee said is true, you could probably look at all of our past posts and see we are all over the place. It's all part of the journey. I do my best to allow myself the wiggle room to make mistakes or change my mind because it's going to happen no matter what.
Cut yourself some slack.
Do y'all ever regret posting things here?I guess I feel like once you post something and you change your mind (or even just question it) then people will think you're not serious about anything. Does that make sense? I don't want to be known as the girl that changes her mind all the time
Cut yourself some slack.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Northern Illinos
Posts: 1,757
Wow.
Dax, you are amazing and inspirational. Thank you for sharing such an emotional experience. I missed your DJ show. It sounds like it was great. I hope yo bd able yo catch it next time.
Erin, give yourself time to re-center and heal. Counseling would gd great when you can.
Cast, be safe. Thank you for your service. Please check in when you can. Please know you are in our thoughts and prayers.
Welcome Sleepie - glad you have joined our pack.
Dax, you are amazing and inspirational. Thank you for sharing such an emotional experience. I missed your DJ show. It sounds like it was great. I hope yo bd able yo catch it next time.
Erin, give yourself time to re-center and heal. Counseling would gd great when you can.
Cast, be safe. Thank you for your service. Please check in when you can. Please know you are in our thoughts and prayers.
Welcome Sleepie - glad you have joined our pack.
Live easy but think first
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Sonoran Desert
Posts: 480
Brynn, echoing Dee and Tonks here. We are all shifting and changing. I think if we are being honest and downloading our thoughts, they will be mercurial. And that is completely fine. And it is ok to have felt firm about leaving your boyfriend and doubting that choice now. Make room for it. It doesn't mean your choice to leave was wrong. It was the best choice the you made for yourself at the time. We trust you to keep talking, feeling, all of that. We'll mess up and show back up. We just don't drink and we have all sorts of options.
Tonks - ha ha! No, I've never done radio before. That was a nice compliment, though. I really had fun doing the show. A staff member talked with me after about doing a DJ class and doing a once a week segment. Think I'll do it!
Dee - no worries. I'm sorry you are dealing with pain. I appreciate how much you contribute.
Erin - That is some rough stuff and it hurts my heart. I know that stuff gets all twisted in our own worth, guilt, shame --- hurts. I echo Dee here again. The best thing my wife and I ever did was seek out counseling together. If for nothing else, someone else was there to bare witness to the pain we caused each other, see that it hurt and then it made it easier to start letting it go. We also learned how to communicate better. Keep talking here.
You guys have really exceeded my wish for acceptance today. Way above and beyond.
Love.
Dax
Tonks - ha ha! No, I've never done radio before. That was a nice compliment, though. I really had fun doing the show. A staff member talked with me after about doing a DJ class and doing a once a week segment. Think I'll do it!
Dee - no worries. I'm sorry you are dealing with pain. I appreciate how much you contribute.
Erin - That is some rough stuff and it hurts my heart. I know that stuff gets all twisted in our own worth, guilt, shame --- hurts. I echo Dee here again. The best thing my wife and I ever did was seek out counseling together. If for nothing else, someone else was there to bare witness to the pain we caused each other, see that it hurt and then it made it easier to start letting it go. We also learned how to communicate better. Keep talking here.
You guys have really exceeded my wish for acceptance today. Way above and beyond.
Love.
Dax
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Northern Illinos
Posts: 1,757
Brynn, life is a roller-coaster. The beauty of our group and SR is that we accept what we are going through and the changes are part of it. You are my sister and you can change your mind anytime you want.
Dee, I pray you are able to ease your pain.
NYC it's great how you managed your day and stayed sober. I hope you have been able to relax.
Tonks, I hope you had a good day. I love how you describe how Dax sounded like audible chocolate.
Dee, I pray you are able to ease your pain.
NYC it's great how you managed your day and stayed sober. I hope you have been able to relax.
Tonks, I hope you had a good day. I love how you describe how Dax sounded like audible chocolate.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Northern Illinos
Posts: 1,757
Dax, we are litter mates by choice. Part of that is feeling safe together. I love how you describe counseling. Sometimes just someone there to bare witness make growth and communication possible and the ability to let go.
Thank you all for being there.
Thank you all for being there.
Live easy but think first
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Sonoran Desert
Posts: 480
Oh! One thing I did want to mention is that I did a shout out and a covert song dedication to you guys.
It was for the song "Myth" by Beach House. I didn't say, "This one goes out to BBQBiker, Tonks, brynn, Erin8..." etc as we would be investigated for odd gang activity (oh and that anonymous thang), but I did thank some people who are helping me daily rewrite my story and my future.
Insert your name here.
Here is that song. I bid you good night.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FuvWc3ToDHg
And the lyrics:
Drifting in and out, see the road you’re on
You came rolling down the cheek
Say just what you need
And in between it’s never as it seems
Help me to make it
Help me to make it
If you build yourself a myth
Know just what to give
What comes after this
Momentarily bliss
Consequence of what you do to me
Help me to make it
Help me to make it
Found yourself in a new direction
Eons far from the sun
Can you come when they come to reach you
Let you know you’re not the only one
Can’t keep hanging on
To all that’s dead and gone
If you build yourself a myth
Know just what to give
Do you lie?
We’ll let the ashes fly
Help me to make it
Help me to make it
It was for the song "Myth" by Beach House. I didn't say, "This one goes out to BBQBiker, Tonks, brynn, Erin8..." etc as we would be investigated for odd gang activity (oh and that anonymous thang), but I did thank some people who are helping me daily rewrite my story and my future.
Insert your name here.
Here is that song. I bid you good night.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FuvWc3ToDHg
And the lyrics:
Drifting in and out, see the road you’re on
You came rolling down the cheek
Say just what you need
And in between it’s never as it seems
Help me to make it
Help me to make it
If you build yourself a myth
Know just what to give
What comes after this
Momentarily bliss
Consequence of what you do to me
Help me to make it
Help me to make it
Found yourself in a new direction
Eons far from the sun
Can you come when they come to reach you
Let you know you’re not the only one
Can’t keep hanging on
To all that’s dead and gone
If you build yourself a myth
Know just what to give
Do you lie?
We’ll let the ashes fly
Help me to make it
Help me to make it
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
Oh Erin, I know exactly how you are feeling, and you sound very much like myself in many ways. I'm not sure how much advice I have for you since I am going through a very painful situation myself with a man I love and have felt betrayed by him many times, even if it somewhat different ways than yours. I know betrayal hurts to the core and it's easy to obsessive over and really dig yourself into a hole emotionally. You need to take some time, take care of yourself and think about YOU, what you will and won't accept. Pm me any time you want, I understand how unbearable it feels. Really I do.
Brynn, We are not here to support you no matter what. I know how you feel though because my relationship is off and on and I fear that once I say something he has done, he's automatically the bad guy. But remember that is what are creating in our minds, not what other people are thinking or judging. You really thought that ending it with him was right, and now you may change your mind. Things happen. People change. Feelings change. We reconsider. It's ok.
NYC.. I like deepok chopra meditations. I find them on YouTube. I've only done two though, so I'm new to it.
I love the honesty here. I have been very general about the reasons why I feel depressed and overwhelmed with bad things in my life now. I've been very hesitant to truly express how this man has hurt and confused me. I won't get into it now because I am tired but you have made me feel more comfortable about being more open and specific about the situation when I need to. You are all amazing and I am incredibly grateful.
Brynn, We are not here to support you no matter what. I know how you feel though because my relationship is off and on and I fear that once I say something he has done, he's automatically the bad guy. But remember that is what are creating in our minds, not what other people are thinking or judging. You really thought that ending it with him was right, and now you may change your mind. Things happen. People change. Feelings change. We reconsider. It's ok.
NYC.. I like deepok chopra meditations. I find them on YouTube. I've only done two though, so I'm new to it.
I love the honesty here. I have been very general about the reasons why I feel depressed and overwhelmed with bad things in my life now. I've been very hesitant to truly express how this man has hurt and confused me. I won't get into it now because I am tired but you have made me feel more comfortable about being more open and specific about the situation when I need to. You are all amazing and I am incredibly grateful.
Tired
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 116
Greetings all.
Been AWOL. I am glad to see you're all still here for each other. I see it has been up and down, which is very human of us.
I've had a rough time, and haven't been very social of late. I tend to 'turtle' into myself when things get stormy. Yet I had to come post, especially to respond to those who were checking up on me! It's humbling and well, amazing. Thank you for that. It touches me, and it does matter. It makes a world of difference. So I wanted to express that.
There are some amazing people here. I am a better person for knowing you.
Love yourselves, hug yourself tight even if there isn't anyone else to do it.
We're all innately lonely through this, it's part of our reality, but because of people like you here, we are never alone.
Be well, packmates! Keep the faith.
Been AWOL. I am glad to see you're all still here for each other. I see it has been up and down, which is very human of us.
I've had a rough time, and haven't been very social of late. I tend to 'turtle' into myself when things get stormy. Yet I had to come post, especially to respond to those who were checking up on me! It's humbling and well, amazing. Thank you for that. It touches me, and it does matter. It makes a world of difference. So I wanted to express that.
There are some amazing people here. I am a better person for knowing you.
Love yourselves, hug yourself tight even if there isn't anyone else to do it.
We're all innately lonely through this, it's part of our reality, but because of people like you here, we are never alone.
Be well, packmates! Keep the faith.
Ya**!
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Canada! wtf eh?
Posts: 1,123
Rose, thank you for checking in. I've missed you! I'm sorry you're having a hard time though. Please remember we're here should you wish to vent.
Mariah, hi5*! We've always got your back. Rest well.
Erin, I wanted to thank you too.. For being open and honest with why you're hurting. It's not easy for anyone to present themselves so vulnerable and I'm grateful you've placed some of your trust in us. It's really admirable and encouraging to us all
Dax, same for you. It was really a pleasure to be part of your special experience tonight. I think you'd make a great addition to their weekly broadcast if you chose to do so.
BBQ, your name makes my tummy rumble
And your words always lighten my heart.
December class, Good night.
Mariah, hi5*! We've always got your back. Rest well.
Erin, I wanted to thank you too.. For being open and honest with why you're hurting. It's not easy for anyone to present themselves so vulnerable and I'm grateful you've placed some of your trust in us. It's really admirable and encouraging to us all
Dax, same for you. It was really a pleasure to be part of your special experience tonight. I think you'd make a great addition to their weekly broadcast if you chose to do so.
BBQ, your name makes my tummy rumble
And your words always lighten my heart. December class, Good night.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: California
Posts: 112
Hi everyone ..
sorry I have not been posting - so busy this week but I have been reading up on SR when I get the chance. Thanks for checkin in on me -- i am still here
Almost had a slip up yesterday. i realize now there were many times that I drank when things were tough and they have been tough this last year ,, but yesterday we had a great day - my hubby got a new job, that he really wanted and we were in a celebratory mood .. he had a beer and i so wanted to have something -- its funny how many ways drinking is/was integrated into all events in our lives ,,,,good and bad. I had two shirley temples instead (with extra cherries) ...because I know that one drink would have been two and if not three that night then many many more over the next few days.
i was and am happy that I didn't ~ but it is tough -- and it doesnt get easier or at least it hasnt for me so far. as long as I don't have one I will be ok but that AV is a sneaky little sucker ......
so many great posts recently
Erin I am sorry that you are feeling sad -- that kind of betrayal is the worst and unfortunately I know it well -- you don't want to "snoop" for fear of what you may find and then if you find something it only makes you feel worse and sometimes you don't find anything but your mind leads you to believe that something exists even if it doesn't.
i hope you guys can find a way to work thru these issues cause they eat you up inside.
Dax you too seemed to touch on some of these same ideas about our minds creating things that may have never existed in the first place .. and BTW I was honored to read your post - thank you for sharing ... I too was imagining you sitting there with paper and all the thoughts running through your mind about what may or may not be there.
hi TONks, BBQ, FBL, Omo, dee, Brynn, and the rest of the december litter pack mates !
welcome sleepie -- this is such a fine crew here !!!
time for dream land -- stay the course everyone -- we are creating a new road for ourselves and the foundation is strong...... night night
sorry I have not been posting - so busy this week but I have been reading up on SR when I get the chance. Thanks for checkin in on me -- i am still here
Almost had a slip up yesterday. i realize now there were many times that I drank when things were tough and they have been tough this last year ,, but yesterday we had a great day - my hubby got a new job, that he really wanted and we were in a celebratory mood .. he had a beer and i so wanted to have something -- its funny how many ways drinking is/was integrated into all events in our lives ,,,,good and bad. I had two shirley temples instead (with extra cherries) ...because I know that one drink would have been two and if not three that night then many many more over the next few days.
i was and am happy that I didn't ~ but it is tough -- and it doesnt get easier or at least it hasnt for me so far. as long as I don't have one I will be ok but that AV is a sneaky little sucker ......
so many great posts recently
Erin I am sorry that you are feeling sad -- that kind of betrayal is the worst and unfortunately I know it well -- you don't want to "snoop" for fear of what you may find and then if you find something it only makes you feel worse and sometimes you don't find anything but your mind leads you to believe that something exists even if it doesn't.
i hope you guys can find a way to work thru these issues cause they eat you up inside.
Dax you too seemed to touch on some of these same ideas about our minds creating things that may have never existed in the first place .. and BTW I was honored to read your post - thank you for sharing ... I too was imagining you sitting there with paper and all the thoughts running through your mind about what may or may not be there.
hi TONks, BBQ, FBL, Omo, dee, Brynn, and the rest of the december litter pack mates !
welcome sleepie -- this is such a fine crew here !!!
time for dream land -- stay the course everyone -- we are creating a new road for ourselves and the foundation is strong...... night night
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