Briar

I wrote this to post on my class thread, but then I felt guilty because everyone else posted about what a great holiday they're having, and I don't want to be a downer for them:

I just got back from the grocery store for the last of the Christmas feast. Turns out I can make it through the store without buying alcohol, it just requires that I weep uncontrollably like a f-ing baby and make a spectacle of myself the whole time. Worth it? I guess I have no choice.

We are hosting my husband's family tonight for the massive gift opening blow out. It's like 15 people. Then my family comes tomorrow, which is just my mom, brother, and his girlfriend. We order pizza for my husband's family every year, so that's easy enough. I cook a big dinner for my family, but they're mellow and easy to please, so there isn't much pressure. So I'm sure everything is going to be fine.

Nevertheless, I'm not looking forward to any of it. Not one single thing. I'd much rather the whole thing go down without me. If I could just sleep through it, I would. I'm trying to figure out what might make me feel better, basically giving myself free rein to enjoy whatever I want. I even bought hot cocoa and marshmallows, but turns out that was stupid because nothing tastes good to me anyway. Even chocolate sounds gross. It was quite a task to choke down a bowl of Cheerios for breakfast, so nasty.

It's so easy to turn to alcohol when it's like this, but I promised myself I wouldn't bomb out before Christmas. One day at a time, right?

Sorry, I'm obviously a vat of holiday cheer over here. Another fun Briarpolar day. I'm not trying to bring anyone down. I'll be fine.

Anyway, I hope everyone is having a wonderful time and enjoying the holiday (or a really nice regular day if you don't do Christmas).

Gilmer

Is there anything you could delegate tomorrow? You should definitely steal away for brief periods of time, for a few moments of a facsimile of serenity.

MidnightBlue

Hi, Briar.

Holidays can pose lots of stress even for "normies" or for people whose mental health seems to be quite ok (if there are some people like this left at all).

My point is - you are not obliged to feel super-excited or Christmasy-happy. Gilmer is right - try to give yourself a gift of piece this time.

And first and foremost - don't feel guilty for feeling like you are feeling now. There is no "shoulds" about feelings - regardless of a season, weather, or holidays.

Hope tomorrow will be as stress-free for you as possible.

Briar

Thank you for the support and encouragment. Christmas eve went very well, I'm glad I stuck it out. I had a few dead moments where I just kind of stopped processing what was going on, but overall it was nice, and I did actually enjoy a few laughs that were real, actual laughs because things actually seemed funny. That was the best! I feel a bit lighter and more confident about tomorrow. Thank you all, I really appreciate your kind words.

Briar

I had a really nice Christmas, and it raised my spirits. Some time with people who always make me laugh was just what I needed. I'll seek more of that.

FeelingGreat

Glad it turned out well for you. I was dreading Christmas day too, but it was great and I sort of realised it was my problem, not the people who came. I adjusted my attitude and they became more bearable!

Had fun teasing my DIL about her 3D scan of 12 week foetus. We were saying it looked like a mallee root (tree root we use for fires in Aust).

Briar

I guess perspective makes all the difference, whether you're talking about holidays or babies.

We had a 3D ultrasound at around 7 months, and yeah, even then she looked pretty funky!

Fortunately she turned out beautiful in real life.