m1k3

I have lived most of my life in some form of fear.

Fear of my alcoholic father, his emotional abandonment and his anger.

Fear of my mother, a codie queen and her emotional manipulation.

Fear of disappointing others, fear of losing what few friends I had.

Fear of my alcoholic wife, that I was losing her, that I was losing her love.

Fear of failure, of being judged by others.

Fear of success because if you do succeed you will be judged even harder and the fall is even farther.

Fear of making real friends because everyone you care about ends up abandoning you.

Fear of being alone because how can I live without someone else to validate my existence.

Fear! was the driving force in my life.

What I found was my program.

One by one I an learning to let go of my fears.

Each of the steps I have taken helps me on my path of liberation.

To let go of my need to control.

To let go of my need to feel better by judging others.

To let go of judging success by what I own or how much I make.

To let go of my self judging and self doubt. That not only is it OK to fail but without failure there is no growth.

To trust my higher power whatever it may be. That I can draw on strength and compassion from a source that isn't my ego. That in fact my ego is the primary source of my fear.

What I have found inside me is me. Someone I can love and who loves me back. Someone strong and wise, who can see the fear for what it is and let it go. A me who sees me as I really am, not as I see me and judge me, not as others see and judge me.

This journey has been long and scary and wonderful. I look forward to where it will take me. Everything that has happened to me needed to happen exactly the way it did.

I share this to let others know the the program works! That serenity can be found and there is a place of strength and peace within all of us and that place can be found and that it slowly becomes the standard by which we measure our lives.

I still have a long way to go and I still find fear rearing it's ugly head but now I know that fear can faced and beaten and I am no longer afraid of fear.

Your friend,

ShootingStar1

Oh, Mike, this is one of the most profound posts I have ever read on SoberRecovery. In simple one line sentences, you have plumbed the depth of our fears, and the glory of our potential.

Can we make this a sticky?

ShootingStar1

SallyTaylor

Mike -



thank you so much - this is very encouraging and helpful to the rest of us! I was wondering - is your program AlAnon or did you create your own program? Just curious what program helped you reach this well-earned and hard-fought place of peace.

Congratulations to you!!!!

Sally

SparkleKitty

Sticky, please!!

m1k3

Sally, it's a mix of AlAnon, and mindfulness. For my mindfulness practice I repeat thank you Buddha in my head whenever I feel like I'm jumping on the hamster wheel in my head. To do this I need to pay attention to what's going on in my head. I will often use the mantra just randomly during the day to keep myself centered.

Thank you God will work quite well. It not only helps keeps you centered but helps develop an attitude of gratitude.

I hope this helps.

Your friend,

redatlanta

Lovely post Mike, Thank you~