foolsgold66

I have no questions.

MythOfSisyphus

Hahaha! Very true! The guy that created it wrote a book but the Big Plan was enough for me.

foolsgold66

I did read the book, strangely enough I'd had it for like 15 years. It got a bit redundant after a while. I like elegant solutions. It was just the thing I needed to push my rationalizing ******** aside.

freshstart57

Well then, your point of view is pretty clear. That rationalizing stuff is a security blanket that so many cannot conceive of letting go, to the extent that blanket has become institutionalized and has become part of western culture. Congratulations on your arrival into the fresh air and sunshine.

foolsgold66

Thank you Freshstart. My AV has been a bit strange since I committed to my big plan. For weeks it just threw images of whiskey bottles at me, and I visualized a monstrous toaster with giant fangs chomping on the bottle and vaporizing the contents.

The last few days it has been throwing crybaby fits. It senses the calm and peace I am beginning to experience and seeks to take advantage. This is more like what I experienced in previous sober periods. Tough ****, AV, I want the best life I can manage from here on out, you aren't in that picture, beast.

freshstart57

Calm and peace were real strangers to me at first, I was more accustomed to anger, and regret, self-loathing, sadness, anxiety, shame and guilt. The first thing I noticed, before the calm and peace, was the relief that the misery was over, and I didn't need to drink anymore. Once that knowledge got settled, and I started to steel myself for the 'ordeal' of sobriety, this self respect that I had known as a child came back to me. And I knew that since I apparently had the badassery to be sober and face the mess I had made, I could really accomplish all sorts of things. All I needed to do was get started and never look back.

Some of us state that the quitting is easy, it is finding a new way of living that is hard. I dunno, for me the void left by alcohol was so easy to fill. I had that drinking money now, and time, and motivation, I started resuming hobbies I had abandoned, and tried new ones. I started to feel good about myself again, that I was a good person again.

I know you can find your way forward too, FoolsGold. BTW, did you know that Saturday was International Talk Like a Pyrite Day?

DonnieB

Now THAT was clever!

dwtbd

And so fauxnetic alsew

dwtbd

But dnot get me srttaed on sutipd tignhs one cuold do whit wrosd and txet and scuh ; )

dwtbd

FG
Awesome on your BP!

foolsgold66

Thank you DW! I did have a sober period in my life that spanned quite a few years before, essentially I ignored my AV and just didn't drink. A few years back I blew it and had been in and out of drinking since.

Some life events over the last few months convinced me I needed a more proactive approach, and I spent days reading about AVRT and the big plan, here and in the RR book. Never still feels a bit daunting to me sometimes, to be honest, but there's no glory without guts, so I made the commitment.

freshstart57

I can imagine that 'never' feels daunting to your AV, whereas you will insist on it. There is a good reason why that daunting feeling is not you, but AV. It's because that feeling points back to drinking again, a dead giveaway. If it's about drinking, it's not about you, it's that AV. You know this in a profound way because you have a Big Plan in place. It is that BP that makes the recognition aspect easy.

I think I needed to commit to 'never' in order to succeed at all. It all wraps up neatly that way, simple, consistent and complete. And it frees up my limited brain power for other things too.

foolsgold66

Yes. To a large extent it is the Beast who finds it daunting. Never is a construct that runs against the grain of life experience a bit in other ordinary matters, too. I've always found 'Never say Never' a circular bit of logic, but the intended meaning therein can definitely give rise to success and failure. I know that I can keep my commitment to myself, but as you've mentioned before, I need to 'steel' myself for it, I still have work to do there.

freshstart57

To me, 'never say never' is about preparedness for things outside of our control, things that cannot be predicted. I see that expression used on other forums here, and it seems to infer that one's self-respect would be damaged, or some other perceived tragedy would occur, if the sobriety plans failed, and that committing to permanent sobriety is a risk that should not be taken.

At that point, I see AV writ large all over that mindset. Could anything be more tragic than a sobriety plan failure? Of course, the AV sees that failure as a success, and anything that pours doubt and uncertainty on sobriety plans is all to the good. 'At least there is a chance we get to get 'faced and legless again, never say never, right?', says the AV.

Any sobriety plan that includes a failure provision is starting off at a major disadvantage it seems to me. Failure and choosing to drink again under any condition must never be an option.

WhatBeast

Freshstart I want to thank you for pointing me to AVRT. I really resonate with the concept. 15 days and 200 years to go.

freshstart57

Brings a smile to this face, anitaj. Congratulations to you. This puts you in real badass category, you realize?

Since you can do this, since you are doing this, since you have done this, what else can you accomplish? What's next? Onward!

WhatBeast

Well. First off I asked SR tech person to change my handle to WhatBeast. Haha! Going out to dinner tonight with normal friends. I know they will pour me champagne. I won't drink it because I'm not a drinker. They might say, "You are not drinking your champagne! Are you sick?" (because my beast used to enjoy a bottle O' bubbly every night ) and I shall respond, "No. I never drink anymore." "Oh! why?" they will ask.
And I will say "I'm done feeding that beast!" Full stop. So to speak.

freshstart57

You can even say, Please don't pour any for me, I'm not drinking. That way, you won't be drinking 'your' champagne, you won't be drinking any champagne at all.

I suggest you walking through the whole evening in your mind, like watching a movie, so you can visualize yourself in that situation, what you will do, what you will choose instead of wine, how you will feel, what you can do if you start to get dizzy. Please consider a plan B. Will you excuse yourself? Leave the party? Go for a little air to settle yourself?

You can do this, I know. A plan is still a good idea.

Stewart888

foolsgold66 hi, how's it going tonight/today? I enjoyed your thread very much...
Specially when we get our friend freshstart57 to write. I could spend all day reading what he has to say...

MesaMan

In Sports, there's this Practice called 'Muscle Memory'. Jockettes, like my Wife, practice a hard Volleyball 'Spike' hit repeatedly. Ironically, it's called 'A Six Pack'. This is because the Spike is so hard, it hits the Opponent in their rippling 'Six Pack' - Stomach Muscles - and knocks them on their Azz. After much Practice, you make the desired Sports move w/o your Brain being involved. Hence, the Title of this Post. Golfer Tiger Woods was known to hit 500 Drives off the Tee every morning in Practice. Autopilot.

In a like manner - to my thinking - we can transpose this practice somewhat to Social Settings. I flip my Wine Glass upside down; usually when it's not super-obvious. This is standard Business Dinner Protocol that you don't want to be served Alcohol.

Also, I rehearse my Lines in advance; especially early on in Sobriety. It came in handy last Saturday night. We went to a Pal's Photography Exhibit, and he asked us out to a Bar thereafter. I immediately said 'no'. Just rolled right off my Lips because I'd thought through my answer and optional explanation in advance just in case. Da Wife and I went to Dinner at a Restaurant/Bar she liked from us having been there prior.

Once out the Door, I explained to my curious Wife that perhaps I'd go to a Bar where no Meal was involved after another year or more of Sobriety. Perhaps... I'll go to Bars now where the point is to grab a Meal. No worries. No Triggers.

Rehearse your moves and your Lines. That's how the Pros in various Disciplines do it. I find that it works, and you can skip the tiring back/forth discussion with well-intentioned Friends. This Practice doesn't wait for some 'inner tussle' to occur with an AV. It shuts down the AV in advance. No inner Debate can occur if one side isn't allowed to show up.