jserafini

I am tired. i have been struggling with my addiction for years i have lost anything of value and i mean emotional value not monetary. and every time i have some sober time i start to have the guilt , shame, remorse, and morbid reflection and ultimately suicidal ideation......i am currently in a psych ward, have been for 3 months....im on anti depressants, anti psychotics yet i can NEVER forgive myself for the person i become when i am using. and it ends up being one of the triggers that takes me back out......what more can i do...i am in therapy. although i find this very hard to explain that when i have these morbid relfections i have a phsyical response to it.....i cringe....i cry.....i feel it so deep in my soul...im filled with embaressment i have no friends to turn to....my parents are the only ones left in my life and i have put the entiree burden on them. what can i do???

MavisTheFairy13

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear of your struggle to forgive yourself. It can be hard to leave the past behind us and move forward. I went to see a hypnotherapist who used the tapping technique and it helped me to put things that happened in the past back where they belonged. I still remember what happened, but I'm no longer reliving it emotionally, or beating myself up for things in the past that I can't change. They are in the past and that's where they are staying. You have so much to look forward to if you can move forward and accept that you made mistakes in the past but they don't have to shape who you are now. I'm not sure if hypnotherapy is an option with the medication you are on now but would be worth looking into. Don't feel alone.

SoberCAH

Our old behaviors certainly are embarassing.

I think that we are as good as our last action.

We can try to learn from the sum total of our former actions and try to not repeat prior mistakes.

I ask God for help and forgiveness and the power and strength to carry out His will for me each day - not too complicated.

Thanks for sharing your feelings and your journey.

I hope that you move forward with a sober, healthy lifestyle.

Mental health issues are no respecter of the quality of person on whose doorstep they show up (the uninvited guests from hell).

Take care.

Raider

Why are you there? Is this related to your addiction?