AmIReally85

I have being diagnosed with PTSD and episodes of dissociation, my previous therapist( who I initially gaged with, then experienced intrusive thoughts/ flashbacks and started taking drugs because of there magicalness and easier life/ possibly voidant lifestyle they gave me)
She thought I was an addict but to me an addict can't go a day without there choice of drug, I had gone 5 days without then back on it and unable to control frequency of lines I was taking, does this count as addiction because to me 5 days without but thinking/dreaming about yet still resisting says not! Those with previous experience or any inputs at all greatly appreciated! I have turned to family/ friends before but have been shunned, which I am trying to put down as lack of understanding and fear...

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Coldfusion

There are plenty of others who only used their drug of choice every several days or weeks. Most of those who come here consider it a problem. Read around and post often!

potfree

I have untreated ptsd which morphed into lots of fun problems. I use drugs to escape, keep the uncomfortable feelings buried, not let things get too real, and keep those flood gates closed. Not using everyday imo is a functional addiction which often escalates.

Sbforever

I had episodes of dissociation when I was having anxiety attacks from Clonopin withdrawal combined with major stress at just the wrong time. The heat in my house quit and it was about 15 degrees F outside. My Clonopin Rx ran out. Major panic.

I am driving through my town that night to go here and there and fix these problems but suddenly my town no longer looked like my town, is this a dream ? Must be, nothing looks right. Something is wrong this is not my town. What the hell. Then I started to feel euphoric because I decided to take some of my Adderal to combat the Clonopin withdrawal anxiety about a half hour before keep going. Went out to get alcohol for anxiety, drop off Rx and get home and fix heat before pipes freeze .


Then this song came on the radio Metallica - Through The Never (lyrics) - YouTube

I am just riding along "on through the never we must go..." feeling really good just accepting what was happening, the song was meant for this place I was thinking. Got to find my way home, thats the shopping center but its not right, let me keep going home and see if my road and the house is still there.

Ya it was.

I also have a dozens hellish stories about dissociation from withdrawals from taking those up and down pills, doing drugs harmed me so much more than it ever helped or was fun. Wow was I messed up back then, lucky to have made it back. One time I thought I died and was in hell and all this was just going to repeat.

Addict or not taking "lines" of what ever your doing is damaging.

Whats the dissociation like for you ?

nandm

I am a recovering alcoholic with 13 years of sobriety who also suffers from PTSD. The PTSD did not become severe until several years into sobriety. Just a couple notes on my alcoholism. I was able to not drink on a daily basis but what makes me an alcoholic is not the frequency at which I drank but what it did to my life when I drank. The fact that when I wasn't drinking I was thinking about drinking. The fact that when I got in major trouble it was always when I was drinking. I can look back over my life and see where the choices I made because I was drinking had a very negative impact on my life. When I did drink I could not guarantee if I was going to drink one or until I passed out. It wasn't how much I drank, what I drank but what happened to my life when I drank that makes me an alcoholic.

That said as far as the PTSD stuff goes. I do still disassociate in certain situations and at times even have periods of lost time and confusion which tend to occur under the stress of driving which is why I rarely drive anymore. There are things that can still trigger flashbacks that can be quite severe and can throw me into a depression that will last for weeks. I still have nightmares and night terrors although they are better controlled through the medication regimen that I am currently on. I still experience an increased anxiety when in areas of increased noise or motion, basically anywhere that is not my home which is why I rarely leave my home and when I do I rarely leave alone.

PTSD can be a complex disease all by itself but when alcohol or drugs is added to it that disease only becomes more complex. I know that my PTSD is bad enough all on it's own so the last thing I need is to go back to drinking. My only hope is to continue to work on my sobriety, see my PTSD specialist and continue my therapy. Hopefully things will continue to improve. The improvement has not happened over night and most of it has been very subtle and slow improvement. But at least today I can leave my home, I can drive some, I can leave my home alone at times, and there are some things I do find enjoyment in again. Those are things I did not have a few years ago.

I hope some of that made some sort of sense and you were able to find something useful from it.

TerpGal

I post in the F&F section, but I do also have PTSD and dissociate. I am almost always in a dissociative state to some degree. I don't have a substance abuse problem and I cant imagine how much worse that would make things. I lose time, feel like things aren't real, and don't feel attached to my body very frequently.

There is a therapy technique called EMDR that is supposed to be very helpful for PTSD and I am going to be starting it soon. We'll see how it goes!