Clutch B

I had my first suicidal thoughts when I was 10 years old. I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and I've been on anti-depressants for years and seen therapists for years. Today I'm just having a really hard day.

I'm also a recovering alcoholic, so I won't drink or do drugs. I'm not suicidal, but I'd welcome getting struck by lightning or killed in some other kind of random freak accident. (I don't know if this post violates the "suicidal" rule, so please remove it if necessary. I don't want to hurt anybody.)

I just don't know how to get through this day. I can't stop crying.

What do you guys do when you don't how how to get through the day? Any advice?

Thanks.

Live

I distract myself reading novels, get rest from it by taking naps and make sure I am taking my meds.
I haven't been that down since we found the proper med combo for me. But I do still get a little depressed.

Clutch B

Also ... I've always been afraid of discussing suicidal thoughts with a therapist/counselor/psychologist. They all say they're required to notify "the authorities" if you say you're suicidal.

Do they really call the police or something to take you away?

Clutch B

Thanks, Live -- I've been looking into trying a new novel lately. Got some good recommendations from friends. Maybe I should do that today.

Live

It took me a long time to confess to suicidal thoughts. The Dr will assess you as to whether you are rationally reporting something that goes along with depression or if you are truly a danger to yourself. They always ask me if I want or need to go to the hospital. My history shows that I will check myself in if needed...so usually it just results in a modification to my meds.

Soberwolf

I had a bad day last week was crying for no reason

Just done my best to distract myself

Not easy hang in therd

sober808

I feel you soberwolf and Clutch B since being sober my depression and anxiety has picked up. I got a business that consumes me (because of my drinking the business itself is slipping), a wife who does not understand depression and 7 year old that I just want enjoy but it's hard to be fun. I really think I was a better dad and more fun while drinking. Stupid right?! Hang in there everyone. And you are not alone with those thoughts.
I am new to SR but posting does help take some weight off.

Gilmer

The only time it was recommended that I check into the hospital (voluntarily) was when i genuinely wanted to kill myself and had a plan. Merely pondering it is not sufficient grounds for hospitalization.

Jackandbess2

I want to give you a massive hug. Life is tough isn't it! Depression plagues a lot of us and some days are so unbearable. I crawl into my bed and put the quilt over my self and sleep it off. The next day I just hope that my depression has lifted. Just wait for your mood to lift and until it does give yourself a hug and allow yourself to just be in it, it will pass darling, it will pass.

Soberpotamus

On those days I just keep going. I do whatever I can. If I don't really have to "do" anything, I might read or lie down for a nap.

My grandmother used to tell me (years ago) that the best thing to do on days where you feel depressed (and she experienced depression) was to do something, anything. It builds momentum.

Soberwolf

We can do this the humanity in this thread is so welcome

Hang in there with me as I am with you

Friends

Astro

The momentum has always helped me. Riding a bicycle, taking a walk, or going to a coffee shop and sitting outside soaking up the sunshine. Taking a nap is fine if I'm tired.

My enemy has been lying in bed and staring at the ceiling or sitting on the couch and looking out the window. That's when the dark thoughts settle in.

Clutch B

Thanks everyone. I made it through yesterday, and today is going better. I'm keeping busy. Appreciate your support.

Soberpotamus

Good to hear, Clutch B

Gilmer

Glad you're OK, Clutch!

Soberwolf

Me too

Nocturnal

And the next time your feeling bad don't forget to pray if you do don't worry i'll be doing it for you.

dbh

I too am glad that you are feeling better Clutch.

My sister suffered from depression most of her adult life and she died by suicide last year. She would sometimes joke about how having a hurricane hit her house would solve her problems. We would laugh. I never took it too seriously. She would also joke that if she told her doctor what was going on in her head they would commit her immediately. Again, we would laugh and I would tell her that it couldn't be that bad.

I can't even begin to tell you how awful her death has been for us.

In hindsight, I wish I realized that depression is a potentially fatal disease and that I listened more closely. We/she should of had a plan for what she would do and who she would call if her mind ever started going down that path. I think reaching out is so important.

While I have never suffered from debilitating depression, I have suffered from extreme mood swings. It has gotten better as I worked on my recovery and through therapy. It is less severe and doesn't happened as frequently.

Something that has always stuck in my mind is that you can't "think" yourself out of a bad mood. Thoughts of "What is wrong with me?" or "What should I do?" usually don't help. I take a walk, I get lost in bad TV, or retreat to bed to sleep it off.

Another quote that I like, "The difference between a bad day and a good day can sometime be one day."

Please take care of yourselves everyone.

db

NYCDoglvr

I'm in my 23rd year of recovery and been treated for major depression since before I stopped drinking. I know how you feel, I've gone to some scary places in sobriety. Sometimes I didn't kill myself one day at a time too. But quite a while back I got the right meds and life has been good. Do you have a good doctor, therapist? Getting out, get to a meeting, do anything to distract your thinking. I call it "depression think" so I don't act on the negativity that can invade my psyche.

A very big hug, it's great you reached out!

readerbaby71

Glad you're feeling better today, Clutch.