QuietlE77

Hello everyone! I'm new to the forum, but have been visiting on the Friends and Family of Sunstance Abusers for about a week now. I've found all of the folks in that group to be very kind and helpful.

My Husband is a veteran of Iraq and Afghanastan. He was medically discharged after receiving a spinal injury, due to a parachute malfunction/accident. He has pain from his spine, neck and legs. He also suffers from PTSD and a traumatic brain injury that occurred after an IED hit his truck, in a convoy. He is prescribed a fairly high dose of Metadone. It used to be much higher, about 2 mos ago. He receives care from the VA in our town, but I don't believe he's receiving the best care possible. He's an active abuser of his pain pills, but he has done an excellent job over the past ten years of concealing that from his Dr.'s at the VA. He's actually in an Intensive Out-Patient program, right now, but he still continues to abuse his meds. He's gone into his classes, high, but all they do is recommend he go to inpatient, and he doesn't want to do that. It's his choice. He really can't handle choices, or such a lax environment, like it is in the out-patient program. He gets the pills weekly, instead of monthly, so it's just a different cycle, now. He has stopped buying meds, off the street, so that's a little victory I suppose. At least we're not losing $1,000-$2,000 a month, going straight into his gullet.

I also am an addict, I think...? While I was with my Husband, early on in our relationship, I had a series of surgeries, all fairly minor. For 3 to 4 mos, I believe, I was prescribed pain medicine, for each recovery. After the prescriptions ran out, I was still experiencing pain. Some of that pain was real and some was exaggerated, due to a want to get high. My Husband new where to get the vics that I wanted, so we bought them, off the street for awhile. That became very expensive, and my Husband had a script for Methadone. I started taking his Methadone, and continued to do so, for about 2 years. I have been sober for two and a half years, now, but it's very hard, still living with an active user. I take Suboxone, and honestly, I'm not sure if I'll ever get off of it, completely, while staying in this marriage. I really want to, but I'm afraid of having a relapse.



My life has been slowly and painfully, falling apart at the seams, since I became an addict(if one just becomes an addict). I had seen psychiatrists and psychologists before, after having a mini-nervous-break down, 17 years ago today, actually, after the birth of my eldest son(I can't believe he's turning 17 today!?! I'm old!). I was first diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety with Panic Attacks. Later it turned into social anxiety and Adult-ADHD. A few years after that Diagnosis, depression was added to the list. Until finally, today, I carry with me the Diagnosis of Bi-polar, Generalized Anxiety with Panic Attacks. The ADHD was dropped, but I picked up, fairly severe, trichotolomania(persistent hair pulling and/or scalp picking). I also am currently in a Suboxone, treatment program.

I take medications to treat all of my ailments, but I still experience some symptoms. I researched and suggested my cocktail of psych meds, to my Dr. After playing around with the dosages, I believe I've found a fairly good combination. I'm ok, most of the time, but the trichotolomania continues to get worst, no matter what I take. I believe that it's an addiction, and there's no pill that I can take, to make it stop. I'm literally, going bald, because of it, and have incurred, multiple infections on my scalp, in my ears and even my teeth.

I guess the problem that I'm experiencing now, is that there are so many environmental, biological, behavioral factors, all wound up into one ball, how can anyone, including my Dr., know what my actual Diagnosis is or how to treat me?

I'm in an abusive marriage, with an addict, as a codependent(a big one). I'm an addict, myself, and I had some issues, growing up, that may not have been seriously traumatic, but enough to cause poor self-esteem and maybe some identity and Codependency. I've probably been codependent for a very long time, actually. The Codependency is most likely the reason behind me finding my Husband and marrying him, vs, him and I getting together, and then I become codependent. I live in a tumultuous environment, at the moment. I'm typically depressed, sleep ALOT, just to escape. I get all worked up sometimes and feel the need to tell anyone who will listen to me, about my problems and anger and sadness, etc... My Husband recently told me that because of my Bi-Polar, that I'm not capable of finishing school(college), I'm not capable of having a job or a career, I'm even, not capable of carrying on friendships. This is all due to the fact that when I get manic, sometimes I lose my sense of boundaries and tell people things that I shouldn't. I have had one extramarital affair, and that, to me, was a means of escaping my marriage, that at that time, was worst than ever. He truly believes that if I step out of this fortress, we call home(I call it a prison, sometimes), that I will just go wild, screw anyone and everyone in sight, and tell all kinds of people about our "problems", and nobody needs to know about any of that, as far as he's concerned. I even have a Social Security claim, in the works. To me, that's the last straw; the ultimate end to dreams and aspirations of having a career, and a life, outside of this house.

I don't have the best, work history, and it HAS TAKEN me, nearly 17 years to collect 130 credit hours, all in various subjects(mainly the ones I enjoy, No Math!). I'm afraid that when my claim has been completed, that it WILL BE APPROVED, and then what? Then I really am so "crazy", that I can't be a productive person, amongst other "normal", productive persons.

I'm hoping that within this forum, that like me, there is someone that has been diagnosed with a mental illness, is a recovered addict, is a codependent, or at least shares one or more of these issues, with me. I'm looking for support and shared ideas. I hope to hear from someone soon, and Thank you for taking the time to read my lengthy post.

trachemys

Welcome. Somewhere in the 137000+ registered members will be people to support you. Have a little patience, and keep posting as that's a good outlet.

Gilmer

I am bipolar, and my husband can never shake the worry that I'm going to cheat (ours was a shotgun marriage without the pregnancy--long story). My bipolarity heightens the temptation--but my desire to please God and not be selfish or make an *** out of myself or my husband keeps me honest.

My bipolarity has been controlled since 1998--the worst of my crush tendency was controlled by a third medicine in 2007. These meds did not affect the sharpness of my mind--I recently finished my bachelors after a 30-year hiatus and am now working on my masters.

You can certainly complete college. Don't believe that you're hopeless or powerless.