BobArctor

I am interested in secular 12 steps as a way to find meaning in the 12 steps and as a way to relate to a community (AA). In other words, given that I have to deal with the 12 steps, I look for a way to relate to them.

What is significant about the 12 steps that makes them something important, if you didn't
"have to" deal with the 12 steps?

If you had never heard of there being 12 step programs or other recovery paths, would the 12 steps be something that would capture your attention as opposed to other things? Why?

biminiblue

I stopped drinking in 1989. I was in my early thirties and my life was chaos. I drank to escape my past.

I wanted to end the chaos so I did all the stuff in the first 11 Steps, but I had never heard of the steps nor did I go to even one AA meeting.

My life completely turned around as a result of this. I didn't drink for 18 years. I had been healed of drinking without AA.

Now, if I had just remembered the downside of drinking...but alas I decided to try again. In a few years I found myself drinking to get that buzz, and drinking way too much. So I quit again, asking for God's help. Again. I'm not religious, I don't go to church, but I did ask for that outside help by means of prayer. I thought I'd try AA. It has not been the best experience for me...but I laughed when I read all the 12 Steps and realized that was exactly what I had done and it had worked for 18 years. I did not do the 12th Step - because how could I? I wasn't in "the program." So I'd say, yep the theory works.

Is it The Only Way? No. Had I been given the 12 Steps and told "This is the only way to escape alcoholism" I would have said, "You're kidding, right?" I would not have been drawn to it as an active drinker. But then, I didn't lose a whole lot before I stopped drinking - I had a fairly high rock bottom.

Boleo

Before there were 12 steps there were 6 steps:

Early Six-step Versions of the Steps

Before there were 6 steps there were the Oxford Group Precepts (Tenets)

Clarence -Appendix B

Before there were precepts/tenets there were the 4 Absolutes:

AA History - The Four Absolutes

Before there were the Absolutes, alcoholics were simply put in Asylums.

Soberpotamus

I've been turned off to AA my whole life because my mother was in AA for a few years when I was a child, and I was carted there and left with the other children in a room with a tv. I guess I detested the cigarette smoke, the scary chanting and holding hands, and the leering men. And I also was angry that she didn't stay sober. Guess those memories were pretty potent and stayed with me.

As a seven year old, I became familiar with hearing the Steps on a regular basis. So, guess they've just always been there in my mind. Reading them as an adult was some sort of deja vu because apparently I had soaked it all up like a sponge anyway.

Fast forward a couple of decades. I'm now 37. I like some of the secular 12 Steps because they feel more realistic to me. I don't identify with a lot of the god talk, despite coming from a family of religious believers. I've tried to attend AA meetings as an adult and just wasn't able to be ok with it. That was a year ago. Since then, I've managed to accumulate over 450 days of sobriety and am now able to tolerate group therapy with all the AA and godspeak. What I don't tolerate well is when others are critical of my own recovery methods. So, when they cross that line I do have a problem remaining tolerant and patient.

Several of the secular steps and related books have helped me tremendously. I have read quite a few recovery books, all showing a different perspective. SR helps in this way too... to remind me that we do indeed approach recovery vastly differently from others. And that is what I've always wanted and needed to know.

I think the steps cover some things psychologically that other methods do not. That is what continues to draw me to them. The steps take me inward as well as outward. They seem thorough. I don't call this "spiritual" because I really don't know what "spiritual" means, and that's ok... because some do choose to see it spiritually. That's great for them. I still see spiritual as too subjective to be able to define. So, I am much more comfortable with a secular, psychological approach to them.

I also used Women For Sobriety, SMART, and AVRT at times. Still use certain aspects of them. There are tools from SMART that I use without even thinking about it, same with AVRT and the AV... intuitive for me. WFS has some principles that I still study and try to live my life accordingly.

I don't like limiting myself. So, that is why I finally gave the steps a try.

Archelon

I say what is significant about the 12 steps is that it brings recovery for some people. Otherwise they wouldn't have a purpose.

People can use them to recover from all kinds of things.

I don't think they would attract my attention if I just stumbled on them. The words, and concepts don't call to me the way they are stated.

here is a link where the words are simpler and more direct. The Proactive Twelve Steps (printable) - Proactive Change

I didn't find these until later but when I saw them I said YES!

I didn't know about other recovery programs early on. If I had come across them first, I might have done them instead. Now when I read them I like some of them, and I see that some of those things I use already, I just didn't know they had a name.

i don't think the words are magical.

Mentium

Bob - my take on the Steps as a programme of recovery is this. Most people drink for a reason. The reason is not usually a conscious one, but something to do with the profound effect it has on them - usually at least to begin with a 'beneficial' one - at least to the drinker's perception. For example I am a naturally tense and anxious person and have been most of my life. Alcohol, I discovered pretty early on, evaporated that anxiety and tension at a stroke. The pattern of drinking I developed was to drink every night to deal with my perceived anxiety.

The problem is of course that one's 'medicine' rapidly becomes one's poison - you end up needing it just to cope at all - you need more and more and the merry go round starts and starts making you sick. Soon after that the reasons you drink become immaterial.

For me the 12 Step programme is a therapeutic path in effect, to learning to live a relaxed and happy life without relying on alcohol..a substance that in any case ceased to do the job I took it up for a long time ago.

Of course life is more complex and layered than that, but you get the idea..my idea anyway.

BobArctor

I think humility is a very important part of the 12 steps from the AA perspective. The idea of doing good for others is also important.

So, essentially:

1. Dismantling our arrogance
2. Doing what we can to repair damage we have done to others
3. Spiritual practice (for lack of a better word)
4. Working to end suffering in the world

There was a person called "peace pilgrim" who wandered around South America teaching kindness. She said that if you work to help others you will encounter more fulfilling experiences than if you pursue your own happiness. I think it makes sense, because I would hope that the universe has more to offer than I can imagine. So, I would rather achieve what is beyond my imagination than to achieve some preconceived goal.

Archelon

One of my good friends says he has found it most rewarding to stay teachable, realizing there is always more to learn and experience.