caboblanco

My latest addiction..the internet. i really got deep into this when I decided to get sober. I like doing research or getting music or movies. i don't do social media except for SR. i have to admit it makes me feel uneasy. I think

sometimes like at a real life gathering.of family or friends..what if someone here knows my screename on SR? then they could really mess with me. i'm not vocal about my alcohol abuse in real life. Sometimes I get a lot of guilt for just expressing my mind online.

I feel abnormal in a way because i discuss things online instead of with a friend or therapist. i don't know what i'm going to do. I have to set boundaries on the internet i guess...time wise and use wise...anybody else struggle with this

Gilmer

Yes, I struggle. I, too, find myself better able to share with the more "simpatico" people on SR than I do with my outside circle of friends. Plus, I express myself 10x better in writing than I do in person. I am off and on taking online classes, and use the internet a ton for research as well as the classes.

I have been able to pinpoint certain times of day that I prefer on SR--times that don't impinge on my family time (family must not feel neglected, or I know I'm on here too much).

Because I am technically ignorant, I had my husband help me when I was at school and needed to concentrate all day: I had him block SR from our house. I had to go to the library or McDonalds to check SR, and their wireless time only extends for 2 hours.

Obviously that doesn't work if you run your own technical ship!

When I had first been sober about 4 months, I realized I was becoming addicted to SR and gave it up altogether. Within a month I had relapsed! So I came crawling back!

I left again in July, and relapsed in November, so now I think I'm back for good and just will have to deal with my tendency toward addictiveness.

The best thing I have found for now is to do as many face-to-face things with as many outside people as you can. We should treat the internet addiction like we treated alcohol and drug addictions: develop new interests outside to divert us.

Croissant

You know when you have a drinking dream? The guilt, the shame etc....yeah....well I had one of those about SR the other night! I was lying to the person in my dream, telling them I wasn't on here that much, I was working on a document and just "happened" to have SR logged on as well.

I was saying, "it's only minimised!", "I'm working on a document, I'm not really spending a lot of time on the site!"

I try to read books about recovery much more now, as I did in the beginning. Ad keeping a journal helps.

I'm not too worried about it. I exercise, go out and do other things...and if I don't, that's OK. I try and make it a way to relax...and if it's not relaxing, I log off. I also don't come here AND watch TV. It's one or the other.

Verte

Hi caboblanco...I can relate in the sense that I have shared truly deep and raw emotions here on SR. However, what I love about SR is that we are all seekers here and do not have to read or participate unless we choose to do so at any given moment on any given day. In real life, discussing daily what I discuss here would send any friends running for the hills. Compassion fatigue. People just do not want to hear it. They have their own busy daily lives and struggles. But SR is a protected space for me with respect being at a premium. Kind of perfect really. I mean how difficult would it be in real life to get so many like-minded, supportive people in one room to answer a burning sobriety question? Umm. Very difficult.

The way I reconcile sharing so much here versus in real life with family and friends is that I would not write anything here that I feel I could not share in real life. If anyone in my life knew that I was on this site, they would be able to pick me out instantly and be in for a ride with all that I have written. But I am OK with this. What I write is my truth at the moment. What often times happens is that after reading a few responses, my truth morphs anew. So I shrug and would offer to take the time with anyone in my life to discuss my writing and how it may have evolved. This will not happen though because everyone else is busy living their lives and struggling their own struggles.

If you have not yet, I would consider looking into talking with a trusted therapist. The chance to talk for an hour all about yourself and perspectives and receive feedback...valuable face to face interaction. Really, the average real life person/friend/acquaintance does not want to discuss my ongoing perspectives regarding sobriety. But sobriety is an enormous part of my reality right now so I need to be here on SR. Reading, writing, interacting. This is part of my plan. And the Srers come from all over the globe! How cool is that?

Maybe you could ask yourself where you are crossing your own personal boundaries here on SR? Consider why/how people in real life have the capacity to "mess with you"? Are these people really supportive in any way in real life? Being honest with yourself about the place drinking had in your life and the way you feel now that it is gone is a really important conversation towards healing. Guilt and shame are only useful if they bring you closer towards some type of resolution. Just sit with it all a bit. Your contributions here are valuable, caboblanco.

trachemys

+1 to LTV's entire post.

If we were not objectively observing and questioning our behavior we would not be at SR trying to change. It's good and healthy to question ourselves. And to change when the answers point to problems. You seem perfectly capable of doing all that so leave off the paranoia. Trust yourself.

caboblanco

yes everybody else is busy with their own life not to mention if I brought up any of my concerns about sobriety they would probably think of me as a joke..this is just regarding extended family and other aquaitances. i sat home after the party yesterday not feeling good at all...just thinking how certain family members don't seem to take much interest in me anymore..even some see to have some anger towards me. i wonder where it comes from.. Is there gossip?...this is where the paranoia comes in.

I think of all the emails I wrote..which is even more then the posts i wrote on here...what if somebody gets a hold of that..I don't even remember half the stuff i wrote..to god knows who....i don't trust anybody..and for good reason too..this is a new age sort of paranoia....there is no place to safely express yourself..to get rid of your dirt..i don't even trust therapists to tell you the truth

Gilmer

When you're an open book, you find that some people will lose all respect for you and want nothing to do with you. Others, however, grow in respect for you and are emboldened to unburden themselves in way that they never dared to before. Sometimes sharing about yourself sets us free--and sometimes it sets other people free.

Of course, you have to observe people pretty carefully to know whether they're capable of keeping a confidence. Especially online, people can present an empathetic, nicey-nicey public persona and actually be a gossip, a judge, or a two-face backstabber. You have to watch character for quite awhile before you share things that are really close to your chest.

There's not much that is very close to my chest. I really don't care who knows about my alcoholism. I alerted everybody, especially at the beginning when I didn't want to be tempted and had to refuse invitations.

There are some things I have never told anybody, family, friends, or online. Only God knows.

Gilmer

I don't care if the government reads my e-mail.

I don't think I've ever betrayed the identities of my family members via my posts here, which is all that matters to me. Only two people have ever known my last name, and not that many know my first name.

Mountainmanbob

I have close friends and relatives that suffer much with this addiction
one good reason why I limit my time spent here
admitted probably already too much
we need to remember there is a big life outside just awaiting for us
to much time spent here on the computer may be very harmful

if it like a drug for us ?
can we cut down (wean down a little) ?
or is the addiction past that point in time ?

for me -- I will not be on this thing more than an hour a day (proxy)
much more time spent would not be healthy

a timer and sticking to it may be of some help ??

who needs yet another addiction ??
not us -- for we have suffered enough

MM

caboblanco

people in my life are generally judgmental. They are not to be trusted with such information as I have been burned in the past...people won't think twice to screw me over...even just to feel better about themselves..thats just the way it is. i can go along

for a while just trying to live balanced ..not discussing anything that bothers me with anybody else...just trying to deal with it by myself. in that way i write things on here i wouldn't say to people in real life...i don't have friends like that right now unfortunately and even if i did I don't know if i want burden them with such things...i could come to this site just

to cheer on people and say generic things..like "one day at a time" but that's not why I come here..that wouldn't help me and I don't think that really helps anybody else....but sometimes it seems thats all anybody wants to hear. if thats all im comfortable writing at this point..i will have to find i different outlet here.

neferkamichael

Cabo healthy thread FANTASTIC. The allure of SR outweighs the allure of intoxication. Rootin for ya. :eypt:

Gilmer

When all was said and done, I have never regretted anything I posted on SR. A few times I posted then immediately choked, wondering if I'd alienated people or vomited in public--but people were really kind and many empathized and were inspired to share their own fears and sadnesses.

I have never been burnt on SR so far. Have you been burnt by people on here?

Once I gave a big, preachy reply to somebody then realized that I'd totally misunderstood what he was saying!

caboblanco

No I have never been burnt by people on here...just feel guilty sometimes for possibly making somebody upset or triggering somebody for having a disagreement. Im mostly paranoid of the internet in general..hackers using information against you etc

Gilmer

I always apologize via PM if I sense I've made someone upset. People usually really appreciate it and forgive and all is well. Sometimes I'm over-sensitive and think I've upset somebody when I haven't.

As far as triggers, you are not responsible for making somebody else drink.

caboblanco

yeah Gilmer..maybe I'm just trippin...i wish I could get rid of this paranoid part of my personality..it's not good for much

Aellyce

Hey Cabo,

I think you have seen my similar thread from last weekend:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...computers.html

From your posts, it sounds like our issues with this are somewhat different and probably originated differently (for me the internet/tech obsession was probably one of my first obsessions ever, long before alcohol or any other). But I think people have posted all sorts of really great suggestions on my thread, maybe take another look in detail.

I have read through all those posts, links, and a lot more stuff about internet addiction last weekend because I'm determined to tackle this now - maybe it's not such a huge problem but if it bothers me, it bothers me. I've done what I mentioned over there towards the end: wrote down everything I could identify in relation to my problem, then tried to see how they are connected... and possible "treatments" for many components.

I also highly recommend therapy and offline friends!! It's just hard to start especially after a long habit with the online and technical world, and like all addictions, it takes a strong initial "push" and commitment... I believe we can do this, too

Also, if you are not a large-scale planning sort of person (I am, just my boozing times disrupted my natural style but am back on it quite well now), do it one day at a time and following your instincts that drive you in healthy ways. Or your imagination about how you want to see yourself and your life instead of what is now - and then act on these things!