AlcoTodd

15 years or so ago a doctor told me I had bipolar. I was 6 months clean. I started on all kinds of meds, a cocktail of strong mental warping pills. The meds left me feeling horrible. I got off of them and went back to drinking and using drugs. I was on and off different medications for a long time. I used bipolar as an excuse to continue being a drunk. So 2.5 years ago I got sober again. I have been sober ever since but I have had major major sleep issues and have felt like crap. The thing was I thought maybe I didn't have bipolar because for the most part I haven't had any major swings in mood. I have been horribly depressed and feeling like someone ran me over with a truck but I thought that was just a normal part of sobriety. I thought I had some medical issues so I have been to the doctor 100 times with blood tests and all kinds of things. I had horrendous headaches for 3 months straight every day. The amount of stress I was under seemed incredible. I finally went to a psychologist. He said I was the most tense patient he has ever seen.

So now, today, I finally get in to see a psychiatrist because my cymbalta and welbutrin for depression have stopped working. After speaking with him for about an hour he says I'm bipolar.
I am now scared to death and i'm pissed. I can't do this again with the meds and feeling like a zombie and weight gain and whatever the hell it entails.

I just got through 30 years of hell of drinking and drugs and finally quit that. I have to be the short fat guy with psoriasis that's also an alcoholic drug addict with a severe mental disorder. WTF? I have been determined not to feel sorry for myself while in recovery but at this point, with all the additional stresses of family issues and work plus this crap. I'm just about done. I am tired of fighting life. I'm not suicidal, just Like really really .

Thanks for letting me rant.

Gilmer

I hear you, Todd. I have been diagnosed as Bipolar II--the primarily depressive type. It took trial and error of several different meds before I found a combination (of 3) which worked. Plus, i stopped drinking. Now I haven't been depressed in two years, and when I am, it is easily controlled with an adjustment of the meds I already take.

Definitely stick close to your psychiatrist and tell him every reaction. He'll know which meds are good and which to avoid. SSRIs, for example, are devastating for bipolar people.

By the way, they have much better medicines today than they had 15 years ago.

trachemys

You know you can rant here anytime, friend. Wish I could do or say something to help.