Chance2

Thank you to everyone who posted on that thread - I was diagnosed 14 years ago but thought it was wrong as I was grieving for my brother who had taken his life- anyone would be crazy with grief- I happened to drink a lot and was unstable. It is his birthday today- now not such a tragedy , but I am drunk, stayed up all night as wanted to keep him company... But here is the thing- I blame it on Prozac for feeling high and drinking- not me. Having read that thread earlier today whilst 2 days sober was a such a relief, I recognised myself and felt stronger!!!!!! I have to say I have not spent a miserable night, in fact a happy one, but I think it is meds kicking in not me- underneath I am still the miserable fxxxxxx

Croissant

I'm sorry you think drinking is the answer, because it's not.

I assume that's why you posted here whilst drinking? I'm sorry you lost your brother, that is terrible, but doing something good for yourself and honouring his memory will help more that sipping on poison.

Chance2

Thanks croissant for your words and a reminder- I have come back to earth today- sober and definitely not wanting to drink- I am not able to do it normally so it is back to day 1 for me....

dox

I hope it's not back to day 1 for you . . .

Blame will make it the same.

This can be a new day 1 . . .

if you let it be.

Take care.

Croissant

Good to see you back. I hope you stick around here, you will see you aren't alone. Even drinking because of your pain, you will see there are alternatives. Many here have had awful things happen in their lives....but eventually, alcohol takes everything we have left, if we let it.

Please stay and keep on the journey.

Hassan

I thnk i may have or have had bpd

Chance2

Welcome Hassan - I hoped I would stay I was sober, unfortunately I went out tonight. I cannot go out... I stayed in for 3 weeks, did not see any ONE and remained sober! What is you plan?

biminiblue

Staying in and not seeing anyone is not the best solution to keep sober. Just the opposite, it is in asking for help that we find healing.

Chance2

I thought that after 3 weeks but started cabin fever although I really loved it. Went out with best friend to night who was having probs so thought I best go out- I knew not a good idea as gave me an excuse but she also needed support- turned out she needed to get drunk so we were good company.. She is my best friend but i feel I should avoid her as she likes a drink when stressed. Having said that- I would like to annialTe myself!!!! Vx I keep binging and absolutely never learn- even though I tell myself never agiain- prosaic helps a bit but makes it worse as I feel more sure of my self......

Chance2

You Are right so my doc doubled meds- feel better but still wild, pissed off and trying to fight negative thoughts!!!! It's the negative thouthts that are constant day an night that I to suppress. Do you get that?

Chance2

I feel, yes I feel not think, I just wNt the noise to stop!!!!!!!!

Chance2

I want to not think- I want to obliterate my mind, so drink!

Baby I want you
Baby I need you
You' re the only one I care about

countrysidegirl

I have bpd its an horrendous condition and still much stigma around the illness even today...here in the UK there is little support for this often debilitating condition yet far more if your bipolar or a schizophrenic , I have bipolar and bpd having got diagnosed in 2010
I often believe well I know that bpd is emotions that are not controlled my bpd was brought on by my abuse in childhood, not quite sure about the bipolar that can be heredity all I know is that the bpd and alcohol feed of each other , I'm craving a drink bad today but wont give in because I know fine fxxkin well that I will feel suicidal on the come down....

try and think what your brother would want from you ? I'm sure he would rather your happy and stable than drinking into oblivion ? I know this hurts but drinking wont ever bring him back it will just take you to that parallel universe where all the ghosts and hurts from the past reside

lots of love charlotte xxxx

Chance2

Thanks Charlotte - it is awful and no my brother would definitely not want this. the good news is I have contacted a treatment service for alcohol and will see them this week. Am on my 4th day alcohol free! Hope you keep fighting the good fight. Vxx

countrysidegirl

well done I'm two weeks in now
keep at it I aint far away feel free to message me I have bpd to I know better than most what its like as it have this bitch of an illness too

mwah