OpioPhobe

Lately I have been trying to get out in front of my AV as quickly as possible. One thing that I noticed was that in certain cases when my mind wasn't occupied there would be certain sensations that came at the beginning of the craving before my AV started up. The best way I could describe it would be a physical sensation of light anxiety and then I would get the feeling that my mind was "going there" (i.e. towards a craving). Has anyone else noticed anything like this? If so, what do the sensations feel like to you?

It would be great to hear if anyone else has noticed anything like this, because I could have easily missed other sensations as well.

As soon as I consciously realize what is going on I immediately shift my attention to anything else that I can. When I am doing so I have a similar sensation to meditation when it feels like an undesired thought is trying to intrude. Of course, it is somewhat of a catch-22, because I don't have any 'hard' evidence that a craving would result if I didn't distract myself. I have no interest in letting it go in order to find out for certain. However, when I am distracting myself I do notice that the light anxiety still lingers throughout the process (generally ~ 15 to 30 seconds). I have noticed a similar level of anxiety when a craving comes and my AV starts up with a rationalization. That light anxiety is not present when meditating and random thoughts are trying to intrude.

I would point out that this experience has been limited to cravings that were not triggered by some specific, external stimuli.

FeenixxRising

Yes, I experience something similar at least a few times each day; although, I call them feelings rather than sensations. But remember, the AV is the voice of the Beast, and the Beast can express itself through feelings and emotions (in your case sensations) as well as with thoughts (words).

Once you have the sensation, the process is the same, you recognize that sensation as the AV and as something that has no power. If you need to, restate your Big Plan with real feeling and with emphasis on "I" rather "it" (it being the Beast).

freshstart57

Another way of dealing with these intrusive thoughts, whether they are decidedly AV, or if they are anxiety, or fear, is to open the 'feeler' up instead of closing it down. Focus on it, and try to experience it in all its aspects, physical, emotional, cognitive, whatever. The essential part of this is not to judge or evaluate this feeling as being good or bad, it just is. Accept what is. Try to be impartial about the whole thing, as though you are watching yourself experience these feelings. This will put some emotional space around these thoughts, make them less prickly.

When I started accepting that I was going to get AV type thoughts and understanding that I was not going to do anything to lose my sobriety, that they were powerless to make me do anything, they stopped making me anxious. I stopped fretting about them, and this did a lot to make them less compelling and worrisome, and they became less frequent too.

Greenwood618

You sound a little timid, as though you are afraid your Beast can trick you into drinking if it gets a word in.

That sounds like a drinking clause in your Big Plan that needs to be removed.

Do not attempt to silence the Beast. Let is speak through the AV. Listen, or don't listen. Don't argue. You might say something like, "Sure, whatever, of course you want to drink because the sun is shining, I know that." Or, "are you trying to use my good health and appreciation of fine music to trick me into drinking?"

There is nothing wrong with an active AV. It is a sign of good health.

You on the other hand are not your animal desires. You are a human being with high family moral values. You would not debase yourself to your beast's level with alcohol anymore than you would act upon your desire to use the restroom by doing so in the wide open in full view of other people.

It is the way mature, developed adults behave, and since you are non-drinker, entreaties to drink from your helpless beast brain are quit impotent and easily ignored.

Stewart888

Wish I could write like freshstart57...love your comments..

Anytime I read something as you are asking OpioPhobe is to quote from soberlicious.

"Buddhism speaks to inviting the discomfort in, sitting with it, instead of battling against. It's a "watch it come, sit with it, watch it go" mentality. The craving is not me...the urge is not me. That battling against is what creates addictional discomfort. The idea was weird and seemed counterintuitive to me at first, but when I realize the urge itself, the craving cannot hurt me and only has the power I give it...well a shift in my mind happened.

I like getting through something hard unscathed. It makes me feel like a badass.

It does get easier over time. Most definitely."

I love this so much and have use it many times. It just hit a chord with me and really love it and have shared it many times. I'm sure one can replace Buddhism (which is not a religion) with any religion you wish, or no religion is fine too. It's the message here that I love. Try it if you would like.

Nonsensical

I cannot make it not be.
It cannot make me do.

OpioPhobe

Thanks for the feedback everyone. My motive for trying to do this exercise was curiosity / efficiency more than anything. My take on it is that I already know what my AV is going to say when I cut through the form to the substance. It seems like an inefficient use of my mental 'bandwidth' to waste it listening to a random thought generator that always ends up leading to the same result (using). I don't see what additional information I would be able to obtain by allowing my AV to taint my consciousness if I was able to voluntarily prevent it from doing so. At least by distracting myself I am able to focus my attention on something I would rather be doing.

freshstart57

I sorta give my AV its own sandbox to play around in. It can do whatever the heck it pleases in there. I've built a moat around it, so no sand gets tracked into my nice clean kitchen. It works out great because I have a lot of things I want to cook. It makes a racket sometimes but I can easily drown it out and ignore it and get back to creating something fabulous.

Best to you, Opi - I think you are doing great.

caboblanco

If Im going to think something Im going to think something. they can't arrest you for thoughts..not as far as I know..and I have had some juicy ones...I don't know what av really is but to suppress such thoughts or having an anxiety attack when you get them seems absurd to me

freshstart57

Agreed. Having an anxiety attack over AV thoughts is absurd, really, when you get right down to it. What is even goofier though is deciding to poison yourself until you lose consciousness, endangering your life and that of others around you. Because of a thought. Sheeesh.

leviathan

Awesome thread.

Boudicca

I call this permanent quarantine. I can't kill it.....it is a part of myself after all. (Albeit the lowest, basest part.) But I can sure as $%*& make sure it never gets out again!

This concept of compartmentalization is crucial for me. I think I would have stopped long ago had I used this technique.

Lionhearted1

Glad to be home around like minded people.. Great thread.

LBrain

I just thought of something. Yesterday was one of the worst days I can remember with my other half on my case all day.
It didn't even dawn on me to drink. Never crossed my mind. I just battled through the high emotional states. Drinking wasn't even part of the equation.