Class of August 2013 - Part 12
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Class of August 2013 - Part 12
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Woohoo, part 12.
V--I'm so sorry to hear that you are hurting. I hope that writing about it here has brought some relief. It sounds like a couple of things are going on--you miss your friend for one, but you are also questioning the integrity of the relationship. The first thing that occurred to me is that if this person lied or was duplicitous in any way (maybe I'm wrong here, but that's what I understood from the part about integrity), it is not about you personally. He/she is emotionally sick and unavailable, sadly, to forge a healthy friendship. Still, I know it hurts, especially when this person was your main sober connection in the recovery process. I'm sending you a trans-cyber Internet hug. Would reading in the Friends and Family forum help at all? So many people there are working on letting go of what they didn't cause and can't change or cure (the three C's).
V--I'm so sorry to hear that you are hurting. I hope that writing about it here has brought some relief. It sounds like a couple of things are going on--you miss your friend for one, but you are also questioning the integrity of the relationship. The first thing that occurred to me is that if this person lied or was duplicitous in any way (maybe I'm wrong here, but that's what I understood from the part about integrity), it is not about you personally. He/she is emotionally sick and unavailable, sadly, to forge a healthy friendship. Still, I know it hurts, especially when this person was your main sober connection in the recovery process. I'm sending you a trans-cyber Internet hug. Would reading in the Friends and Family forum help at all? So many people there are working on letting go of what they didn't cause and can't change or cure (the three C's).
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
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V, you have done what you could regarding this friend whom you are concerned about. Try not to take the lack of communication personally, addiction causes many strange behaviors, and if in fact there has been a relapse, then there is shame and guilt involved. Give it time and rest easy knowing you have done what you could.
I am really glad you shared with us.
I am really glad you shared with us.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
And now, all things come into a different context. This is the note I just sent to good friends this morning. Because you, too, are good friends, I am sending the same to you dear people:
Friends,
With great sadness, I must share the news that my father died in his sleep last night. He was 79 years old.
This was unexpected. In recent months, Dad had encountered some health problems but was generally all right. He feared the decline he'd seen friends and family encounter. Though I think Dad would have thought it was too soon, I know this is the way he wanted it to be. Peaceful.
I'm deeply fortunate to have been the daughter of such a loving man. I will miss him deeply.
In accordance with my father's wishes, his body will be donated to the Mayo Medical School. Right now, the plan is for a gathering to begin at 3:30 p.m. Tuesday at St. John's Lutheran Church in Spring Valley, with the funeral at 7 p.m. I will let you know if this changes.
Mom is doing all right. She is grateful for 53 years of a happy marriage.
I know many friends are avid Facebookers. I ask that you not post anything until I have had the opportunity. We are still trying to get in touch with a cousin of Dad's and I don't want him to see it there. After I post, that's fine.
Thank you in advance for you kind thoughts.
Love,
Allison
Friends,
With great sadness, I must share the news that my father died in his sleep last night. He was 79 years old.
This was unexpected. In recent months, Dad had encountered some health problems but was generally all right. He feared the decline he'd seen friends and family encounter. Though I think Dad would have thought it was too soon, I know this is the way he wanted it to be. Peaceful.
I'm deeply fortunate to have been the daughter of such a loving man. I will miss him deeply.
In accordance with my father's wishes, his body will be donated to the Mayo Medical School. Right now, the plan is for a gathering to begin at 3:30 p.m. Tuesday at St. John's Lutheran Church in Spring Valley, with the funeral at 7 p.m. I will let you know if this changes.
Mom is doing all right. She is grateful for 53 years of a happy marriage.
I know many friends are avid Facebookers. I ask that you not post anything until I have had the opportunity. We are still trying to get in touch with a cousin of Dad's and I don't want him to see it there. After I post, that's fine.
Thank you in advance for you kind thoughts.
Love,
Allison
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
Venecia, I'm so sorry to hear of your Dad 's passing. He sounds like he was a wonderful man and a great Dad. What a wonderful blessing to have had him. Dads are so special. I hope this time is one of peace and joyous remembrance for you. Love, Jane
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
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Glenn, 1935-2014
Thanks, all, for the kind words.
It's not really hit me yet. I did hit a car this afternoon, which I think attests to my numbness. No damage to either, thank heavens.
I had today off to get prepared for my cousin's baby shower tomorrow. Planned a workout first, followed by a haircut. Slept in and listened to NPR, as is my usually when I have a day off. Didn't realize the phone had rang, came downstairs and was preparing to post a note here to trade notes on workouts with JD.
Checked my email and had one from my brother, with a subject line that said "call me now." Knew that wasn't good. Called ... then one of my cousins showed up (her mother had called her) ... threw a few things in a suitcase and headed home to Wisconsin.
Dad died in the middle of the night. EMTs and the sheriff's department came to Mom and Dad's house, he was transported to a nearby hospital and pronounced dead. We'll never really know what happened. Dad had restless leg syndrome and last night was the first night he took a new sleep medication. Maybe that had something to do with it. Maybe not. Maybe it was just his time.
He's not been real sharp in recent months. Some folks from church and the neighborhood had expressed concerns. He has had some medical issues that were being treated, with mixed success.
My dad was a really good guy. He used to drink too much. He went cold turkey about 20 years ago. He was always kind, always respected by so many.
He was really -- really -- funny. He read a lot. He liked history.
He was a musician. On the day preceding his death, he practiced his tuba and finished planting this summer's flowers. He directed the church choir for 30 years. They'll sing at his memorial Tuesday night.
He loved my mom. He loved his son, his daughter-in-law and his two grandchildren. He loved his granddog. He loved me.
There never would have been enough time, had it happened tomorrow, next year, five years from now.
But the time we had? It was good. I'm a lucky daughter.
Thanks, all, for the kind words.
It's not really hit me yet. I did hit a car this afternoon, which I think attests to my numbness. No damage to either, thank heavens.
I had today off to get prepared for my cousin's baby shower tomorrow. Planned a workout first, followed by a haircut. Slept in and listened to NPR, as is my usually when I have a day off. Didn't realize the phone had rang, came downstairs and was preparing to post a note here to trade notes on workouts with JD.
Checked my email and had one from my brother, with a subject line that said "call me now." Knew that wasn't good. Called ... then one of my cousins showed up (her mother had called her) ... threw a few things in a suitcase and headed home to Wisconsin.
Dad died in the middle of the night. EMTs and the sheriff's department came to Mom and Dad's house, he was transported to a nearby hospital and pronounced dead. We'll never really know what happened. Dad had restless leg syndrome and last night was the first night he took a new sleep medication. Maybe that had something to do with it. Maybe not. Maybe it was just his time.
He's not been real sharp in recent months. Some folks from church and the neighborhood had expressed concerns. He has had some medical issues that were being treated, with mixed success.
My dad was a really good guy. He used to drink too much. He went cold turkey about 20 years ago. He was always kind, always respected by so many.
He was really -- really -- funny. He read a lot. He liked history.
He was a musician. On the day preceding his death, he practiced his tuba and finished planting this summer's flowers. He directed the church choir for 30 years. They'll sing at his memorial Tuesday night.
He loved my mom. He loved his son, his daughter-in-law and his two grandchildren. He loved his granddog. He loved me.
There never would have been enough time, had it happened tomorrow, next year, five years from now.
But the time we had? It was good. I'm a lucky daughter.
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(((Ven))) He sounds like a wonderful man - his memory will live on in the hearts and minds of all the people whose lives he touched 
One of my favorite quotes is by the Indian poet Tagore
"Death is not extinguishing the light; it is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come." - Rabindranath Tagore
I believe your Dad's dawn has come Venecia
D
One of my favorite quotes is by the Indian poet Tagore
"Death is not extinguishing the light; it is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come." - Rabindranath Tagore
I believe your Dad's dawn has come Venecia
D
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
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Venecia. I wish I could come and sit quietly by your side and just be there. I would take your hand in mine and listen to your stories. So many memories come up. I hope your family can be a gentle comfort to each other.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Your post is moving me this morning. I am reminded of my kid's Lion King movie when the Simba realizes his father lives in him. It sounds like your dad did a wonderful job raising an amazing family and creating a lasting legacy in all of you. I hope you and your family celebrate his life and memory in the days to come V.
BTW - Happy to trade workouts anytime! I am sure yours will kick my but:-)
BTW - Happy to trade workouts anytime! I am sure yours will kick my but:-)
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
JD, your triathlons sound great. I would have loved doing that if I were a bit younger, but the swim part would kill me. Never liked to swim well enough to do even the mini triathlons, but I did some duathlons (run, bike). I do like to swim in pools though. Or in the ocean in Hawaii...
I just got back from my first good road ride of the year - 24 miles and 2800' climbing.. It is hilly here. It beat me up a bit but felt good. Painfully slow however, lol. The mountain bikes will get some use also, mainly when I go up to Bend. I rented my place there for a year while I'm doing more traveling so it's just a monthly visit now.
In the spirit of our dear friend Venecia, who has weightier matters to deal with, I wish everyone a peaceful, rewarding and sober week. Cheers..
I just got back from my first good road ride of the year - 24 miles and 2800' climbing.. It is hilly here. It beat me up a bit but felt good. Painfully slow however, lol. The mountain bikes will get some use also, mainly when I go up to Bend. I rented my place there for a year while I'm doing more traveling so it's just a monthly visit now.
In the spirit of our dear friend Venecia, who has weightier matters to deal with, I wish everyone a peaceful, rewarding and sober week. Cheers..
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