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Class Of February 2014 Part 9

Old 05-26-2014, 01:44 AM
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Class Of February 2014 Part 9

last part here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-8-a-20.html

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Old 05-26-2014, 03:53 AM
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Happy Memorial Day Febbies!
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Old 05-26-2014, 04:07 AM
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Have a good day Torn

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Old 05-26-2014, 04:42 AM
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Good morning and Happy Memorial Day to all,

I have to start by saying that I begin this day with a heavy heart. My best friend died from cancer last June and today would have been her 44th birthday. We lived next door to each to other and were inseparable growing up. I flew up to see her for her birthday last year, knowing she was probably not going to make it much longer. We had some laughs, shared some memories, and had some great conversations which I will hold on to forever. She also struggled with alcohol and we often shared our commitment to quit. I promised her that I would stay in her children’s lives, which I have not done as much as I should have the past six months, so I will be reaching out to them and her family today. I miss her more than I can even express.

DI: Your last minute get together reminded me of how much simpler life is when we are sober. So much less to worry about and hide. Happy for you

LS- 100 days is amazing! I guess we all have to practice some patience and just trust that as long as we are doing the right thing, good things will come..in time. I always thought that once I quit drinking, I’d lose weight like crazy, become a fitness nut, be incredibly organized and well, ….”perfect”. In reality, I lose a little weight, exercise much more and am much more organized. It’s all BETTER, just not like it was in my fantasy.

Gazza- You are handling your relationship with dignity, and I would say that it has much to do with your sobriety. Expressing your feelings..once.. is all you really need to do. I unfortunately, not too long ago, was also that person pleading and begging and carrying on (sometimes sober, sometimes not). I commend you for being able to rise above that and not allow yourself to get into that desperate state. We can’t force people to behave the way we want them to by acting a certain way or by saying the “right” thing. It never works. And you are saving yourself so much heartache by rising above that. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Easy to say, harder to believe, I know.

Well today is one week (again) for me. I have thoughts of drinking here and there, but they have been relatively easy to squash. I admit that I am scared of that one day when I don’t have the strength to squash them. When I’m feeling “off”, things aren’t going my way, my bad thoughts are getting the better of me, and drinking seems to be the answer. That is when I am my weakest. I know the strategies, it’s just a matter of using them that ONE time when it is the hardest.

Today we are going to my mother’s ..no alcohol involved. I know that my best friend is my angel now and I know she knows my battle with this. I can hear her voice in my head and I know she is behind me every step of the way.

Hope everyone has a nice, sober holiday
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Old 05-26-2014, 04:46 AM
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I am sorry for your loss FABL - but I am thrilled for your week - well done

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Old 05-26-2014, 05:09 AM
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Gazza - I never drank to alleviate my panic. In fact, I drank knowing my anxiety would make me uncomfortable the next day. Early in my drinking, when I only drank in social settings, when I could go a week or two between drinks, choosing to drink was a calculated risk. I traded the social lubricant of alcohol for peace of mind and body. In the beginning I knew my body was such that it couldn't handle alcohol and still function optimally.

Historically I've resented when my constitution hasn't allowed me to do what "everyone else" does. Whether that was drink alcohol, or not exercise every day, or eat sugar. And historically when I've fought against what my body needs to function optimally, the results have been abysmal.

So part of recovery for me is committing every day to doing what I uniquely must do to be healthy. I look within to find the answers. Long term recovery, for me, is going to require checking in with myself every single day.

For example, I don't have to work today as it's a Holiday in the US. Today I woke up feeling the beginning symptoms of anxiety brewing. My body needs to exercise. My mind wants me to slither into the couch, brew a pot of coffee, and read a book. Historically I'd tell myself I work hard and I deserve a day off from the daily grind. Everyone else gets to take a day off from exercise. I resent that my constitution doesn't allow one. I deserve a break.

I'm learning to listen to my cues. I'll give myself exercise and movement to alleviate the anxiety, and drink herbal tea this morning instead of coffee. The flip side of this coin is not being so rigid in my thinking that I don't listen when my body is begging for a day off.

It's a long road to wellness.

I hope the Febbies are having a good day.
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Old 05-26-2014, 06:05 AM
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Hope your heavy heart lightens FABL, what a moving post.
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Old 05-26-2014, 06:39 AM
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So sorry for your loss FABL. I don't know if you remember I lost a good friend to cancer in February. She was 37. It is difficult, but knowing the suffering is over helps. You'll be in my prayers.
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Old 05-26-2014, 11:24 AM
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Originally Posted by forabetterlife View Post
Gazza- You are handling your relationship with dignity, and I would say that it has much to do with your sobriety. Expressing your feelings..once.. is all you really need to do. I unfortunately, not too long ago, was also that person pleading and begging and carrying on (sometimes sober, sometimes not). I commend you for being able to rise above that and not allow yourself to get into that desperate state. We can’t force people to behave the way we want them to by acting a certain way or by saying the “right” thing. It never works. And you are saving yourself so much heartache by rising above that. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Easy to say, harder to believe, I know.
Thanks FABL this good advice. Youve laid out in words what I sorta thought but couldnt express. I find it easy to believe but harder to do. The thing thats pulls me down into the pleading is that she seems so cold. I just dont understand how in three weeks it goes from "i love you and miss you cant wait to get home" to ignoring a simple message about the weather with no pleading or emotion at all. I am working to not turn to anger and resentment.

Im sorry about your friend I hope connecting with her family gives you some peace and lifts your heart a little. Youve helped me a lot today Im sorry theres nothing I can really do for you.

Thanks
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Old 05-26-2014, 03:00 PM
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For me, gazza, it was exactly that kind of out of the blue coldness and change of heart that fueled my pleading and trying to control what was happening. I still don't understand it and what I try to do now is use it as a reminder of how I would never want to treat someone, least if all someone I love and care about. It's difficult and confusing, I know.
Stay strong. You know we are here for you.
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Old 05-26-2014, 03:11 PM
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Spent the day with my mom and family. There was wine but I didn't have any. But now.. I am alone for an hour and I honestly considered my usual scenario: get a four pack of beer, no one will know, I won't get drunk and it will taste and feel sooo good. I deserve it. What's four beers? Its Memorial Day, it's summer. Everyone is having a drink. NO NO NO. I am not waking up tomorrow, hangover or not, and hating myself for messing up, once again. And then, after losing my sober time, what the heck, might as well drink after work tomorrow too. And so on. NO. I want this time to be different.
I'm eating a sandwich and getting through this. Not listening to that fool Addiction tell me that it's not a big deal, when it is. I may not be a down and out drunk (yet) but I hate how I feel drinking and after. Drinking just keeps me stuck, nothing changes. I know that a sober life is so much more rewarding and fulfilling.
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Old 05-26-2014, 06:52 PM
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Nice commitment to sobriety, Fabl!

Gazza - keep hanging in there.

I hope all the Febbies are doing well.
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Old 05-26-2014, 07:38 PM
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I give up. Booze wins, I'm disappearing for a reason. I have the most love and support for you all.
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Old 05-26-2014, 07:43 PM
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Torn, please don't go. It's hard, really hard; we are here for you. You have worked so hard; please don't give up.
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Old 05-26-2014, 07:49 PM
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Torn as long as you never give up on this fight, you can never lose.
This was a battle, not the war.

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Old 05-26-2014, 07:52 PM
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Originally Posted by tornrealization View Post
I give up. Booze wins, I'm disappearing for a reason. I have the most love and support for you all.
Torn
I notice that you don't sound excited about drinking. No matter what you decide to do, I'm glad our paths crossed. You are a great person and I'm rooting for you.
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Old 05-26-2014, 11:21 PM
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TR hang in there, you can always change your mind and come back straight away. I would miss your input, I find your posts helpful to my recovery, especially when you were talking about therapy and group.
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Old 05-27-2014, 03:17 AM
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Torn, we all know how hard this is and I especially have given in more times than Id like to admit. I know at first it seems like a relief to stop fighting it, but that relief quickly turns to misery.
I hope you come back and let us help you through it as you have helped and supported so many of us.
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Old 05-27-2014, 10:19 AM
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No Torn, you DON'T give up and no booze DOES NOT win.

When you're ready, come and talk to us about what's happened, there's no judgement here.

It's never too late to pull it around, you can fix this.
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Old 05-27-2014, 11:32 AM
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Trying not to text my pretty sure soon to be ex. Im guessing its actually ethical to not break up with someone over the phone or via text. She has to come back anyway Im picking her up from the airport in about 10 days. The thing is take two alcoholics add in the damage being an addict does combine it, then if one quits and the other doesnt, the chance of breakup is pretty high. Im starting to think I should be grateful its being ended for me instead of me having to initiate the process. Im just gonna let it go cold. No more texts until I get a reply.

I read an article about how men who do everything for their women end up being loved by them as brothers instead of lovers. Maybe thats been a problem for my marriage and this, my ex wife told me as much. I need to learn to be single, fill my life with things I want to do and then if I feel like it start dating again. Im thinking a year of solid recovery time might work.

Theres a lot of rationilizing in this, but I think its sound. Im just gonna let it die peaceully and trust my HP that its actually for the best. I have worries and fears about the financial division of things of course. Thats actually more of an issue that heart break now. Thats pretty telling really maybe my feelings werent that deep anyway.

ayway just felt the need to express some thoughts.
I hope everyone is doing ok especially TR.

thanks
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