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Class Of November 2012 - Part 7

Old 05-01-2014, 05:01 AM
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Class Of November 2012 - Part 7

last part here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-6-a-20.html

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Old 05-01-2014, 12:12 PM
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Thanks Dee.

Nomis. Been reading your posts. Impressive how you have been able to march through with the situations you have had to deal with. I have been lucky in my environment to be able to be open and luckily the pressure to drink was minimal. Good work. No advice, just good to have you here and good work dealing with it all. Really impressive.
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Old 05-01-2014, 05:46 PM
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Aw thanks, VR. Always got to remember to be grateful right? No matter how bad a situation is, there's always hope things will get better.

I try to ask myself one simple question: if I have a drink will that make the situation better or worse? And the answer is always a whole lot worse. So I just take things from there.
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Old 05-01-2014, 06:17 PM
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Storms have past and we were fine. It's often worse a bit east of here where the Coastal plain starts and it's flat. We had several inches of rain yesterday, but that was all. I guess the US east coast has had it's share of rain. I feel for the communities hurt by the tornadoes.

FMTM, you're five months ahead of me and I'm so impressed by all of you! Nomis, VeryReady had a good point that you've been through so much with your job and your uncertainty about your marriage and yet have stayed sober. VeryReady, from your post last year, it looks like you had a birthday last week, so happy belated birthday in addition to the 18 months!

Dee, I also want to thank you for your support to so many here. You are an inspiration. It's so helpful for those of you who have years of sobriety to let us know that it was the best decision you made to become sober and that it can be done and life will be better.

My mom, the kids and I went out to dinner last night. When my mom and I were looking at the menu online, we saw the wine menu and my mom looked at me and said "I guess you're not drinking wine?" I just said that I had stopped and it was better for me if I didn't drink anymore. She said she thinks that's great and we left it at that.

It was good to be out to dinner and really listen to my almost 14 year old daughter talk about a show on the universe she's been watching rather than worrying about how much wine was left in my glass. She's so interesting and I'm so excited to watch her grow over these next few years as she goes to high school. I don't want to miss any of it - good and bad - because I'm drinking.

Hope everyone had a good week.
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Old 05-03-2014, 06:11 AM
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Veryready!!! 18 months today. I am so very proud of you. Congrats and enjoy your day.



(thats me in the middle leading the happy dance)
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Old 05-03-2014, 10:27 PM
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Congrats VR!
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Old 05-04-2014, 12:03 AM
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Thanks. Out tonight with some people we only know through school. I drank my soda. Ended up talking to a pretty drunk guy who kept telling me how smart he was and he had terrible breath. He ain't gonna feel to good in the mornin'. Kind of a frustrating night, but I will feel good tomorrow. Just had some cheese cake .
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Old 05-04-2014, 12:10 AM
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Congratulations from me too VR

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Old 05-04-2014, 11:09 AM
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Hi Dee -love the avatar, May the Fourth be with you.
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Old 05-05-2014, 03:13 AM
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Anxiety in dreams

I had a bad night last night with so many dreams where I experienced a high level of anxiety. Some of them were work related and some were home related. I drank a glass of wine at some point; thank goodness it was just a dream.

I woke up feeling pretty bad, but it was clear to me that one of the reasons I drank and then relapsed for so long is because I am anxious and worry about things and drinking numbed that. It ties into stress, but it was more than that; the way I process situations sometimes causes me anxiety where I don't know what to do and then feel inadequate or helpless. Drinking took away those feelings. While I am 100 percent committed to staying sober, I realize that in addition to not drinking, I'm going to have to really work hard on dealing with the "why" so I cope differently. I'm not sure I fully realized this truth during my last attempt.

I started drinking on my vacation when a couple we were with starting fighting in a club. It was a nasty fight (fueled by alcohol) and the things they were saying were terrible. It made me feel so uncomfortable and since everyone else was drinking, I did too. It numbed that uncomfortable feeling. I realize I just should have removed myself from the situation since it had nothing to do with me and go back to my room. I should have not gone on the trip at all; it was too soon, but I'm glad to be back on track now and trying to gain some wisdom from it.

I'm going to start exercising to get some good endorphins in my brain and see if that helps. Rather than eating at my desk as I often do for lunch, I am going to commit to walking at least 30 minutes. It will get me outside and help me clear my head. I told my son I'd take a walk with him and Charlee when I get home from work. If it remains a problem, I will talk to my doctor. While I wish I had more restful sleep, I appreciate the clarity of the dreams.

Other than last night, it was a good weekend. On Saturday, I drove to Virginia to meet my dad so my mom could get home (my parents live about 7 hours from me so we met half-way) and took care of a ton of little errands and worked with my daughter in our garden yesterday.
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Old 05-05-2014, 06:06 AM
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Unfortunately the drinking dreams don't ever seem to go away, for me anyways Charlee. I've just learned to accept them and say "whewff, glad that didn't just happen!" when I wake up.

But yes, this illness is all about learning how to manage stress. Nobody has the perfect answer. Exercise works great for me, I just have to be careful not to overdo it at times. I've found that I've pushed myself too hard in the past, only to burn out. I'm sure VR has some great advice here.
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Old 05-06-2014, 03:13 AM
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Hi Charlee- anxiety definitely was/is my biggest trigger. Just wanting to numb myself is what I watch for most to stop a relapse. It's good you've identified that, you'll recognize what's really going on with yourself when you get that urge to drink. Sorry about the dreams, I hope you get some peaceful nights this week

Hope everyone else is doing well.
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Old 05-06-2014, 10:38 AM
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Thanks everyone. Slept much better last night. I did a DVD workout when I got home and then took a walk with my son and Charlee so I got some good stress relief. Haven't made it outside at lunch yet (I say as I'm scarfing down a salad at my desk), but I'll keep working on that goal.

Hope the week is going well for everyone.
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Old 05-08-2014, 04:51 AM
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Hi everyone.

Just want to get something off my chest...put it out there I guess so maybe I can let it go. My family is invited to a celebration dinner this weekend at a close family friends house. When RSVPing my friend said, "if nothing else, they'll be plenty of wine there" and laughed. I froze and said nothing. After a few seconds of awkward silence, she said "or beer for people who like that". Again I said nothing, after another awkward silence, I said, "well I'm sure it will be fun and we'll see you then". So here's what I'm getting off my chest...I know I won't drink, just not going to do it but ever since then sneaky thoughts keep popping in my head. Like she planted an idea or something. I keep shutting them down but I'm annoyed. Even more annoying is that it seems like after I shut down the thoughts of drinking at the dinner party, by brain went to mother's day. I'm going to a big family picnic. My family is not filled with big drinkers, there may or may not be alcohol there and drinking definitely will not be a focus. But I found myself thinking about it a couple times. I know I won't drink, I don't want to. My life is coming together, I feel like I'm getting back to the me I'm supposed to be and drinking just has no place in my life. So I'm telling on myself because I haven't liked the thoughts popping in my head. Also, I feel a little guilty, like I should have said to my friend, "I don't drink" instead of saying nothing. I'm prepared for the party and will just say no thanks, it won't be a big deal I know that. What do you guys think? Normal recovery stuff or should I be concerned?
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Old 05-08-2014, 05:09 AM
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I think sooner or later we all face getting back into the social thing - it's probably more pronounced for you guys after a long winter?

Thoughts are just that FMFT - thoughts - it's what we do in response that counts

If you have any worries this link should help - I think you'll have seen it before
The tips work for any social occasion

Crying Out Now: Thanksgiving Survival Guide

As for an immediate response - that's not always appropriate anyway - blurting out 'I don't drink' in a panic, may not have been any better

Do run through scenarios in your head for these events tho - a pause can be as good as a yes to some pushy folks - be prepared for a range of scenarios FMFT and you'll be ok

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Old 05-08-2014, 05:24 AM
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Thanks Dee. Good advice to be prepared for different scenarios - I'll do that. Luckily I don't think either event will be centered around drinking, but you never know about pushy folks and I hadn't thought of that. I will prepare myself for that and have my responses ready so I don't feel awkward or unsure of myself.

My husband and kids will be with me both days, so that will help, as mom does not drink!
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Old 05-08-2014, 06:19 AM
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What is normal anyways right, FMFT? Our brains were addicted to booze, seems logical that we crave it from time to time.

I think part of this is also the fear of coming out of the closet and announcing that we can't drink anymore cause we're alcoholics. Who the heck wants to admit that, especially early in recovery?
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Old 05-09-2014, 02:55 AM
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FTFM, thanks for your post. I guess that AV looks for any opportunity to try to get these thoughts in our heads. I too never thought about the pushy people...of which I know plenty. Have you thought about taking something to either event that you can drink and share so that you always have something readily available? Maybe that's not an issue for you, but it would be for me, so rather than always have to find something I want to drink, I'm working on developing non-alcoholic drinks I can take to parties or gatherings to share and to have available to me.

As far as saying something to your friend, silence is just as good as anything.

I hope the weekend goes well for you and Happy Mother's Day a bit early! I'll be thinking of you!
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Old 05-09-2014, 04:09 AM
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Mother's Day Memories

This has been on my mind, so I am going to share one of my worst drinking memories in hopes that I can work on letting it go. If I've shared it before, please indulge me.

The night before Mother's Day in 2010, two of our neighbors had parties. My next door neighbor has one of those fire pits and a nice patio and we ended up sitting and drinking, and my glass seemed to be always full. I didn't eat anything that night. When it was time to go, I stood up and in addition to being drunk, got very lightheaded and I fell, maybe a better word is collapsed...didn't put my hand out or anything, just fell. Despite the alcohol in my system, I can still vividly remember falling and my head bouncing off my neighbor's stone patio. In front of everyone, including my kids.

It was bad and I know I could have easily died of a traumatic head injury. People do all the time. I remember thinking, what if this is my kids' last memory of me? I got home and went to bed. My husband sat up watching me. I ended up being fine, other than being hungover the next day. But, it should have been a wake-up call, it should have been a "rock bottom." It wasn't. It was May 2010 and I didn't finally make a first attempt at stopping until Nov. 2012 and now here it is May 2014 and I'm in my second attempt.

I will be sober this Mother's Day (and the night before).
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Old 05-09-2014, 04:17 AM
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I'm really glad you weren't badly hurt charleesavedme. This Mothers Day will be a different tale to tell

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