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One Year & Under Club Part 31

Old 04-28-2014, 05:39 PM
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One Year & Under Club Part 31

last part here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-30-a-20.html

D
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Old 04-28-2014, 05:47 PM
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I just think I need more support Dee....I work 80 hours a week still and only sleep 4 hours a day as I work nights....I really don't have time for meetings , I'm constantly tired and I don't get support from my wife....Even though at my worst I was drinking 25 pints of beer a day she still doesn't believe my drinking was a problem.
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Old 04-28-2014, 05:51 PM
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I'm sorry to hear that steve - yeah I think more support would be great. It's important to have people who understand and who let you know that this sober lark is possible.

If nothing else try and use us as much as you can?

D
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Old 04-28-2014, 06:21 PM
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Stevie, if you really can't cut down the hours, maybe you can use SR more, and treat it more like a discipline? I start my day with the 24 hours club, then a gratitude list, then check in with a couple of classes. End my day in a similar way. It doesn't have to take a long time, but it keeps me connected and centered on my sobriety.

Soberjim, I’m so glad you had a good weekend – you sound refreshed. Any new plans for supporting your sobriety?

Boozefree, I hope you haven’t caught another cold. How are you getting along at home?

Goldcoastgirl, it’s nice to see you here again – I think some people are scared off by just one visit to the Undies LOL! Do you get exercise and/or meditation to help you with tension?

Gleefan, you know what I think you should do with Needy. I don’t mean for you to be mean to her, but I think some serious air-cleaning is in order, and it might take strong words to get her attention, especially if you’ve been dare I say wishy-washy before.

Gilmer, is there such a thing as rational depression LOL? But if you’re on the downside, I hope you come upwards soon. As for your class and the professor, that certainly is a hazard of schooling. I strongly recommend to all my students to find at least one study buddy. Preferably (although I don’t always tell them this), someone who is more successful in that particular class than they are – they can always return the favor to someone who’s struggling in another course. At best, studying alone is lonely, and at worst you’re just reteaching yourself your own misconceptions, over and again.

DG – I’m glad your trip is going well! Good on you to nudge Carlos a little!

Last but not least, if you missed the photos Toots & I took on our outing together today, please do check back to the tail end of the Undies part 30!
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Old 04-28-2014, 06:59 PM
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Ahhh. Courage. We want the real thing! Did you take any pics at all?

Steve, good to hear from you. I've missed your posts of sobriety and diet. Please stay close. Don't drink. Tiredness must make you feel like nothing is worth it but it's just tiredness. And I'm sad to hear your wife doesn't get it. 25 pints. I would have entered an alcoholic coma. And you weren't fat either so it must have been really vicious on your body. Think of how your liver, brain and body is thankful now that the poison is out of your system. It will help you to visualise this.

Gillmer, sorry to hear about your depression. Spring paradoxically has a way of bringing sad feelings in quite a few people. I hope it will get better so that you're able to stop taking the meds.

Have a good night, Steve stay close ok?

DP
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Old 04-28-2014, 07:06 PM
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Steve - Your schedule sounds punishing! I'm glad you chose not to drink. Is there someone you can call upstream when you think about going to the store?

Courage and Toots - I'm glad you were able to meet up, and to find out that you both exist in real life, not just Courage's imagination. Also, I love the photos from your get together!!

Gilmer - Brown gravy meat or gravy as in tomato sauce? Why is your depression 'irrational'? Is it possible that it's situational, from not being in a comfortable academic groove and flow with your current class?

Tonight I went to AA. During the hour and a half that I was out, Needyfriend called my house and spoke to my husband, left a message on my cell, then called my husband again. Obviously, you all are correct that I need to state my needs firmly, because the subtle method is not working.

I called her and told her that all these phone calls over the past day are too much and make me uncomfortable. She was extremely defensive, and I deflected her jabs saying, this isn't about me not liking you or not wanting to hang out, this is about me being extremely busy. She escalated it to, "I called because I was lonely and needed someone to talk to." Calmly, compared to the emotions boiling inside me, I said that it isn't fair to put that responsibility on me. I probably wasn't very calm. She ended the call by defiantly saying "Fine! I'll find someone else to borrow a table from" and hanging up on me. It feels anticlimactic to write "borrow a table", but it's true...

I usually play like I am so tough, and funny, and unaffected by people's emotional drama. The truth is, it was very uncomfortable to assert myself and I was shaking after I got off the phone. My mind started jumping all over the place: How could I deny a lonely person a comfortable place to land? I wanted to call her back, apologize, and just let her get what she needed from me.... On the other hand, I wanted to launch an angry tirade, gathering as much evidence as I could, against her.

In the end, I did neither. Instead I'm uncomfortable, living in the discomfort, and not drinking over it. And sharing my experience like an excited little kid with you all.
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Old 04-28-2014, 07:24 PM
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I think you did exactly the right thing Glee - and it gets easier

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Old 04-28-2014, 07:45 PM
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Thanks Dee.
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Old 04-28-2014, 08:11 PM
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Gleefan, I think you did the right thing, too. If she ended the call defiantly, it means at least she finally heard some part of what you've been trying to say. I hope she gives you some breathing room. You did nothing wrong -- you were just honest with a friend about your own needs.

Don't know about others but SR just went down for I think about 20 minutes where I am -- I hate that !!!!!
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Old 04-28-2014, 08:34 PM
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Yeah it was down for everyone I think.

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Old 04-28-2014, 08:38 PM
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Glad to see you Steve and Jim. I have stared long and hard at the liquor section in my grocery store many times, know how you feel Steve.

Toots and Courage are exactly how I pictured them...

Have a good week Undies!

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Old 04-29-2014, 04:50 AM
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Good Morning Undies,

Dee, thanks for the new thread and the joy it brings!

Haha Tanja, get this, we are trend setters. A "Real Encounter the Second Kind". See how "alkie competitive" I remain, not good. I'm with D Parker, give us the real thing. Facebook can't lie, and I know that one of those pics doesn't hold a candle to real "things"...I mean thing. Seriously though, it must have been amazing, and I knew my ears were buzzing yesterday for some reason.

Stevie, great to see you and good show in not drinking. In AA, they say that sobriety must be a selfish program. A bit of a paradox since your also told that you can't keep it unless you give it away. For me, the selfish part means that I want sobriety to be a means, a transporter, taking me to peace and serenity. My drinking past had no idea where that exists. Drunks that have passed before me are showing me the way. Sobriety cannot be an end game or I will fall. I'm with Courage too, by getting back here on SR more often you are giving the parts of your sobriety away that in the end only make you stronger. Keep in touch, mate.

Glee, Needy is crossing a bridge in my eyes. Her actions are borderline stalking. So what though? What does understanding a problem really mean if it's not combined with a solid action plan? Guess what, you have one. Yes, while oh so difficult, you are pressing on with setting boundaries. Just don't let it run up the scale from "ankle biter" to trigger! Today's Glee is miles from the active alcoholic person that came back here following that weekend relapse. You are a treasure!

Gilmer, wow, I so get the "irrationally depressed" thing. We all do this, even the normies. The difference is that you didn't try to drink it away! Yes, my dear, the silver lining...progress, not perfection. I'm wondering as did Glee, what type of gravy. I'm a sucker for a woman that calls her red sauce gravy...that's old school, which according to DG, I qualify, and so DYNO! Perhaps that is why my favorite pie is pizza pie.

GCG, congrats on day 2! What's happening today?

Come on now girls...we know that you have a pic in one or both of those phones just dying to get out.

Ahh, the blog, humm, well thankfully, yes, thankfully I was quite busy on other projects all day yesterday and ran out of time. I will shoot for today, but don't hold your breath. It's a vibe thing, and I'm just not feeling it right now. My primary goal is to keep busy, stay out of my own way, press forward in the present. Writing a blog can put me in the past and/or future. For that to be therapeutic I need to reflect, not regret the past, and plan, but not plan the outcome of the future. Tricky and difficult ground given my current circumstances. Gaining a measure of acceptance these past few days has me embracing the present and it's possibilities, and that's not a bad place to be. Just boring fatter for a blog.

Have a sober and productive Tuesday, all. Just for today I am keeping Monday and Wednesday out of the equation.

Carlos xx
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Old 04-29-2014, 05:08 AM
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Hey everyone, I disappeared for a couple days but have a plan this time. I have a friend at work who is experienced with staying sober and he said to call him day or night before I do anything dumb. I am meeting with a group in my office building that discusses Zen and sobriety and I think it will be different this time!
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Old 04-29-2014, 05:35 AM
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First on my "to do" list this morning -

CONGRATULATIONS TIGERLILI ON 4 MONTHS

It fills me with inspiration when a fellow alcoholic, especially an "undie" reaches a milestone!! Just one more thing to keep me coming back!
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Old 04-29-2014, 06:15 AM
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Good Morning Undies,

((Gilmer)) - I am sorry that you feel depressed. I agree with Gleefan that the situation with your class would certainly add to depression. They say that depression is anger turned inwards. I think that both Toots and Courage gave you great advice about talking to someone in your class and getting a study buddy. You certainly can't be the only student in the class that is feeling that way about he professor. Lastly, kudos to you for forcing yourself to answer some questions despite your depression! I know how difficult it can be to force yourself to take some action when depressed. Great progress my friend

Toots - That is wonderful news that you and Courage met up. I know it was thrilling for me to finally meet Carlos and connect in real time with people that I have grown to deeply care about. I hope you two had a blast!

Gleefan - Congratulations on setting boundaries with Needy What a measure of strength, courage and growth to face an uncomfortable situation, doing what is best for you, living with the uncomfortable feelings and Not drinking over it. You should be very proud of yourself.

Steve - I thought Courage gave great advice on ramping up your support on SR. I thought at one time you mentioned a friend at the Gym that was supportive of your recovery? Touching base with him frequently might be a good way to start building a support network. Kudos to you for not drinking especially in light of the fact that your spouse is not supportive. I hope you seek and get a supportive friend to get that emotional support that you very much need.

Carlos - It's good to hear you sounding so positive and upbeat! I agree with you 100% about being in the right frame of mind in blogging about your recovery. I know that when I am super tired I can find myself not in the right frame of mind to revisit my past. I've actually been triggered by it. Sunday night's meeting was a smaller one. There were 10 people in attendance myself included. It was interesting because as one man pointed out, the women were the majority in attendance and that seldom occurs. There was a ratio of 3 men and 7 women. I think it makes it easier for women to share when there are more women there. The topic was relapse; not just in early sobriety, but in long-term sobriety as well. Tina, my sponsee shared about a painful experience and got some very good advice from the women. She still has trouble calling me, but that may be linked to her depression. All in all it was a good meeting.

Today's plan is to hit my usual 5:30 meeting. Wishing everyone a contented and sober Tuesday!
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Old 04-29-2014, 06:37 AM
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Originally Posted by stevie88 View Post
I just think I need more support Dee....I work 80 hours a week still and only sleep 4 hours a day as I work nights....I really don't have time for meetings , I'm constantly tired and I don't get support from my wife....Even though at my worst I was drinking 25 pints of beer a day she still doesn't believe my drinking was a problem.
Steve,
This is only MY opinion on the statement the you made above (Don't want to get myself into any kind of trouble

I don't believe it's anyone's call except your own to justify your addition of any kind. Does that make sense? If YOU THINK you have a problem, YOU DO. It's your life, it's your mind, it's your body....it is all how you feel.
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Old 04-29-2014, 06:42 AM
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Congratulations, Tigerlili! Four months is amazing!
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Old 04-29-2014, 06:58 AM
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Hi, Undies)

I popped in to say Hi)

Still sober, still kicking...

Stevie - Great to see you, my boxing buddy! Sorry you are struggling now. I second other Undies - turn to SR more. It's magnificent source of anti-AV antitoxin. And I have magic anti-AV boxing gloves. Wanna borrow?)

SJ - Glad you had vacations and got relaxed (even though semi-relaxed)))

Courage - Great pics) That should be me then) See, I am real!


My best wishes to all the Undies.

Have a great day)
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Old 04-29-2014, 07:04 AM
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Oh, Gleefan.

Just wanted to say Kudos to you for standing your ground. Your friend sounds like a manipulative person, IMHO. Don't feel guilty.
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Old 04-29-2014, 07:06 AM
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Midnight, it's great to see you!

abcowboy, thanks for the reminder this a.m. How are you?

Airwick, welcome to the Undies!

Carlos & Tanja, of course I bow to you two as first among close encounters. I say "I bow" because I don't think Toots bows to anybody! As for pictures, it never even occurred to me to take any. Next time, and I do hope there'll be a next time, but since we don't want to spoil our anonymity, we'll take shots of isolated body parts. Hmmmm.

Just one more thing on the meet -- it was simply a lovely afternoon, for me at least. A couple of parks, a sandwich, and lots of talking. For a normal person, no big deal. For me, it was huge. I don't meet people. I don't talk & walk. I shared briefly about it in an AA meeting and practically got a round of applause because they so often see the self-isolating me. As I said somewhere else on SR, my AV isn't driving the bus anymore, and I'm not sure who is, but the ride is getting interesting! And I have folks like you all to thank for it

JJ, that sounds like a good plan. Why don't you do some "practice" calls with the sober friend? That way, if you ever need to call him when you're really in need, it won't be the very first time.

Carlos, I agree with Tanja -- don't worry about the blogging. I never liked the sound of a massive project for your house arrest term. It's setting yourself up with an expectation that can weigh you down, give you cause for self-blame, yada yada. I heard a lovely guy in an AA meeting last night say that when he first got sober, he'd said, what am I going to do with all this time? I'll go back to college, learn a language, etc. He said, you know what? I haven't done ANY of that! And why not -- because he's too busy.

Have a great day, everyone!
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