Lost confidence
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 444
Lost confidence
After 3 years sober I have not a shred of self esteem thus no confidence. I am seeking help with therapy but the waiting lists are so long.
Please forgive the negativity of this post and good luck in your recovery!
As soon as I wake up I go into a spiral of negative thinking.
I have been sleeping all day and awake all night.
My recovery isn't going according to the scriptI am still mourning about the damage alcohol has done
My mental and physical health are not recovering as planned. I feel cheated and hopeless.
Im on my own in the mean time and am trying to hide my private sorrows under a smile
Im not sure I can live anymore it's like Ive blown my one chance in life.Please forgive the negativity of this post and good luck in your recovery!
Try try again
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Hole-in-the-Wall TX
Posts: 88
Dear dancook99
Dear friend, I know that spiral very well. Let me tell you, Son that self-esteem depends on others validating you. Worth is a different story. You are worthy in spite of what you feel, in spite of whether or not others validate you.
I'm talking to you as a mother, if you were my son no matter what you did I would accept you and support you. You must also accept yourself and forgive yourself.
Just reading how you stayed sober for 3 years is miraculous! Please know that your victory is absolutely encouraging to me. You have purpose and you are of so much value! Thank you for sharing your heart and soul with us here.
I'm talking to you as a mother, if you were my son no matter what you did I would accept you and support you. You must also accept yourself and forgive yourself.
Just reading how you stayed sober for 3 years is miraculous! Please know that your victory is absolutely encouraging to me. You have purpose and you are of so much value! Thank you for sharing your heart and soul with us here.
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 444
Thank you so much! In my drinking days I wouldnt have dreamed of that. I know alcohol is not for me whilst there is still hope.
I am trying to break out of this cycle of day to day alienation.
I am trying to break out of this cycle of day to day alienation.
Like getting out of the house, socialising, being interested in other people and getting out of my own head. It is a learning curve for me as it doesnt come naturally!
My pain management consultant also mentioned that I need a 'reason'. I haven't found it yet!
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 444
Interesting what you said about validation. Tonight I got validated by a friend at an open mic in front of someone I really respected. I didnt feel worthy of that praise but It made me want to practice my instrument more than I have felt in the last three years of sobriety!
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 444
I'm self teaching myself saxophone. I find it hard to stand when I play so I bought myself a bar stool to play on; hopefully that will help me practice!
I will try to accept and forgive myself but I still sometimes get angry/upset at my condition. I also blame my parents even though I was the one who was the alcoholic!
I will try to accept and forgive myself but I still sometimes get angry/upset at my condition. I also blame my parents even though I was the one who was the alcoholic!
Try try again
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Hole-in-the-Wall TX
Posts: 88
Ooooh, the saxophone is an awesome instrument! What kind of music do you play?
I'm so glad to see you here again today, Dan. Have you been getting counseling for your grief and frustration?
I'm so glad to see you here again today, Dan. Have you been getting counseling for your grief and frustration?
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