afime

Hi folks, I'm 3 months sober, at a pretty good place, but am thinking I might want to pick up a sponsor to help out with my recovery. My home group is quite diverse so, while not a free thinkers club, I'm thinking I might be able to find someone who isn't god-oriented. The thing is, I don't really know how the process works. Do I just walk up to someone and ask them to be my sponsor? Do I use the temporary sponsor list and hope for the best? Do I make an announcement? How did you guys find your sponsors?

digderidoo

Generally its up to you to ask someone, look out for someone who has done the steps and someone you can relate to, get talking to them and find out if they are willing to sponsor. For me it wasn't important to find someone non religious, just someone who would respect that my understanding of god was not the same as theirs. I am now on my fourth sponsor, as my last one passed away, even now this is something that I clarify at the outset as im having the initial conversation with them.

Tamerua

I looked for something similar and the funny thing is, at the time, step 3 or finding an HP was the topic in all the discussion meetings I went to. I listened to everyone who spoke and one day, a woman said something I could relate to and so I asked her after the meeting. So glad I did!

afime

So, just asking someone without really knowing them is okay? I'm not a shy guy, but asking someone who doesn't know me to help shoulder my burdens seems like a lot.

Tamerua

You may want to say your name and maybe shake his hand first.

Sponsoring others is a privilege and it is fulfilling our primary purpose, it isn't a burden. Should that person say no, it could be for whatever reason, it isn't personal.

CousinA

Yes. It's ok. I asked my first sponsor because we were both young in a time and place where there weren't that many young people. That's all I knew about him other than what I heard him share at meetings. The first conversation we had went something like, "will you be my sponsor"; "yes". That man helped save my life.

-allan

matt4x4

AA has a ton of spiritually minded, non-religious members and "attendees"

AAnoob

Before picking a sponsor, just ask a potential sponsor to see if he can meet up for coffee and get to know him better. Tell him that you are looking for a sponsor, but that you want to get know him more to see if you guys are compatible.

I am assuming that you are going to AA meetings.

If you are going to the same meetings every week, you will start to know the regular people and hear their stories. At certain meetings I go to, the secretary will ask people who are available to sponsor to raise their hand.

(I been going to AA meetings everyday for a month and half now. So I see the same people all the time.)


I made the mistake of letting a guy to be my sponsor (he approached me) in my week of AA without really getting to know him or the program. He should have been my temp sponsor (but I didn't even know there was such things as temp sponsor until I looked around online). I got to know him better and realized he is not for me, so I dropped him recently.

I am kind of in a similar situation, looking for a non-god believing sponsor.
But I don't mind a god/HP sponsor as long as he doesn't insist on pushing his belief on me.

The culture of AA creates a less-inviting environment for atheists, (I think many AA atheists just hide their belief to avoid the issue) but I managed to run into one guy who was more vocal about it in the meeting.

Anyways, I found some articles online that gave me a better understanding in what to look for in a sponsor.

follow the links,
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...archid=4980195

AAnoob

^ that link not worky...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-newcomer.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...d-sponsor.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-sponsor.html

LBrain

After a few weeks I asked a guy to be my sponsor. As a 'freethinker' I struggled with the whole AA concept. My sponsor is very religious. But I like what he has to offer. When I did my step 3 he graciously thanked me. It was sincere. I took him to a place he never imagined. He never had an experience like that before in his life. So it doesn't necessarily have to be a non-religious person to be your sponsor. It should be someone YOU believe can help you.
So far it's working for me.

mfanch

I'm an atheist. My sponsor is NOT! She is very religious. But she is sober in AA (17ish years now?), and HAPPY. She says that AA led her back to church.

It just didn't matter to me if my sponsor was religious or not. I was going to die if I didn't get working the steps.

afime

I'm not opposed to a religious sponsor, but I want to work the steps without someone trying to convince me of the value of god, when god simply isn't a part of my process. The feedback you've all offered has helped ease my concerns I'm looking forward to this next step.

LBrain

I made it pretty clear at a meeting that I have very difficult time with "this higher power thing". I got a few nasty looks and a few keep coming back, you'll get it kind of responses. I don't think half of them even understood what a deity means. But all is okay.

I would just kinda put it out there in some innocuous sort of way. People will either run from you -ha ha, they won't - or talk to you after the meeting. Give it a try. Let someone find you maybe?

Mountainmanbob

should be easy
there are plenty in AA who have not a clue who God is

yes -- most just walk up and ask
a little conversation never hurts

MM

matt4x4

Cant work the 12 steps without a God of your own understanding. There are prayers involved in working the steps. Move onto another program, try SMART or this Addictive Voice course people talk about.

CousinA

Doing the 12 steps require finding a higher power or a god of our understanding. That god does not have to be "God" as anyone else understands he or she or them or it (thank's to Bobby D[ylan] for the last bit).

This from Bill Wilson's Grapevine article "The Dilemma of No Faith" by Bill Wilson:

"...In AA's first years I all but ruined the whole undertaking with this sort of unconscious arrogance. God as I understood Him had to be for everybody. Sometimes my aggression was subtle and sometimes it was crude. But either way it was damaging - perhaps fatally so - to numbers of non-believers. Of course this sort of thing isn't confined to Twelfth Step work. It is very apt to leak out into our relationships with everybody. Even now, I catch myself chanting that same old barrier-building refrain, "Do as I do, believe as I do - or else!"

Linky: The Dilemma of No Faith, By Bill W.

Yes there are prayers. The paragraph after the 3rd Step Prayer... "We found it very desirable to take this spiritual step with an understanding person, such as our wife, best friend, or spiritual adviser. But it is better to meet God alone than with one who might misunderstand. The wording was, of course, quite optional so long as we expressed the idea, voicing it without reservation. This was only a beginning, though if honestly and humbly made, an effect, sometimes a very great one, was felt at once.


And the 7th Step Prayer... 'When ready, we say something like this: “My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.” We have then completed Step Seven."

Go find yourself a sponsor and do the steps, honestly and humbly. A good sponsor will help you find your path to a spiritual, not necessarily religious experience. Don't let other people's conception of god, hp or religion or whatever get in your way.

- All Big Book quotes from 1st Edition.

I have to run so I can pay the landlord man. Catch you all later.

-allan

afime

Not true. I'm committed to the 12 steps and benefit from the knowledge that many other agnostics/atheists have done the same, with success. SMART is great, but it feeds a different part of me.

matt4x4

So you skip the steps that involve praying to God?

When I started to change the 12 steps, I was then working my own program.
My own program and my own will power got me drunk.

afime

Matt4x4, I hear you, AA without God doesn't work for you, but am unclear what that has to do with the topic.

jdooner

I actually think this is a great idea. I find religion can be an easy substitute addiction and just as dangerous as alcohol and drugs. I would suggest attending some meetings and listening to what people have to say. Its fairly easy to pick out more rational minds or freethinkers - they are the ones at the end not saying anything during the Lord's prayer:-) Then talk to these people after the meeting about how they have gone through the process. I think by communicating and listening you will find the right fit.