Class of October 2013 - Part 10
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Class of October 2013 - Part 10
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LS, You brought up some great points about stubbing your toes. During my drinking days this seemed to happen all the time. Since I've been sober, nada!
Fishy, My daughter is leaning forwards Colorado so we will see. She was recruited to play division 2 but wants to go to a bigger school. She will do well being the little fish in the big pond. My son might do better in the smaller pond, like me.
JL, glad to see you back posting. How is everything going for you? Hey, I live deeper south than you. Almost in Cuba, well sometimes it feels like it here. Some ladies were speaking some serious Spanglish behind me at the lacrosse game yesterday.
Driver, do you feel poked and prodded enough? Two nights in a hospital a few years ago was way too much for me. We will be here to help with some of the boredom. Hey, at least you can catch up on your Judge Judy and the OWN channel.
Trudging, aren't you leaving for Cali in like two days? I'm sure you are anxious but looking forward to being back. We are going on vacation in two weeks, more on that later.
Fishy, My daughter is leaning forwards Colorado so we will see. She was recruited to play division 2 but wants to go to a bigger school. She will do well being the little fish in the big pond. My son might do better in the smaller pond, like me.
JL, glad to see you back posting. How is everything going for you? Hey, I live deeper south than you. Almost in Cuba, well sometimes it feels like it here. Some ladies were speaking some serious Spanglish behind me at the lacrosse game yesterday.
Driver, do you feel poked and prodded enough? Two nights in a hospital a few years ago was way too much for me. We will be here to help with some of the boredom. Hey, at least you can catch up on your Judge Judy and the OWN channel.
Trudging, aren't you leaving for Cali in like two days? I'm sure you are anxious but looking forward to being back. We are going on vacation in two weeks, more on that later.
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Originally Posted by EternalQ 
BilR44 how are you?
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Yes, I am leaving for the States on Wednesday morning, EARLY....so driving to San Jose to spend the night on Tues. Part of me is really excited...to see my daughters, but the other part of me just wants to stay at the beach here and forget it. Probably won't even see my youngest. Although she and I were, at one time, very close....after her last trip here we have not spoken. I sent her an email about "doing lunch", but ...no response. It makes me very sad. My older daughter is doing great though, so I am excited to see the progress that she and her BF have made on their new house. (It should have been a tear-down...lol). A little anxious about staying with my sister. Haven't seen her since we moved here (we were in a fight when I left)....and she is SUCH an alcoholic....functional though, but definitely jekyl and hyde. We do have a plan B though...so it should be ok....
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I'm up early this morning because it's the day I jump in the lake. The organizers chopped out a hole in the ice so we can get in. The air temp is 20 degrees with wind chills in the teens. Brrrr! I know I'll survive, but I'm not exactly looking forward to this! I have to remember that this is for a good cause.
Bilr, my mom thought a big pond would be too big for me, so I went to a little-pond school. I got a good education, but I hated it. Because it was so small, the people there were all the same (very conservative, preppy school with no room for a kid with purple hair). I didn't fit in at all, and I almost transferred to another school until I realized I was getting a good education where I was. It all worked out in the end, but I still wonder what would've happened if I'd gone to a more liberal school. I don't really have a point in saying this, as I'm sure your kids will be ok where they go, but it just made me think about my college days.
Now you can all tell me to go jump in a lake and I'll do it.
Bilr, my mom thought a big pond would be too big for me, so I went to a little-pond school. I got a good education, but I hated it. Because it was so small, the people there were all the same (very conservative, preppy school with no room for a kid with purple hair). I didn't fit in at all, and I almost transferred to another school until I realized I was getting a good education where I was. It all worked out in the end, but I still wonder what would've happened if I'd gone to a more liberal school. I don't really have a point in saying this, as I'm sure your kids will be ok where they go, but it just made me think about my college days.
Now you can all tell me to go jump in a lake and I'll do it.
Kudos to you.
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Sparrow, go jump in a lake! Trudging, you will be in my thoughts and prayers during your trip. It sounds like it could be emotionally triggering. I definitely have to visualize lots of Plan Bs when I am going to be with my extended family for any length of time. Driver, I read up on your ailment. So happy that it is temporary, but I imagine it is scary! Thinking of you!!! Bilr, why is there so much mystery concerning your upcoming vacation?!? Your emails have been very cryptic about it. My girls weekend is starting to look very strange. The girlfriend who is getting divorced had to bail due to complications surrounding her divorce and another one of my dear friends had to bail because her mom needs help with a move. We have started to reach the age where we are not just mothering our children, but we are mothering our parents, as well. I read once where our 40s and early 50s is when people report the least life satisfaction but the time period right after it, is when people report their highest life satisfaction.
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Little Sparrows QOTD: I'm sure I've broken a pinky toe at least once or twice (I'm good at smashing them into doorways). My finger was broken when I was a little kid, and it's still crooked. My mom slammed a cupboard shut without knowing my finger was in there. I don't even remember it happening, I just know that I asked her why my finger was crooked. I've also had a broken shoulder from when I was walking across a street and was hit by a minivan.
Nothing a little bondo and duct tape won't cure, Sparrow. I'm guessing you are well battle tested for the plunge. Hope it went well. Please fill us in. I want to know if anybody chickened out.
Nothing a little bondo and duct tape won't cure, Sparrow. I'm guessing you are well battle tested for the plunge. Hope it went well. Please fill us in. I want to know if anybody chickened out.
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Just got back from the calle ocho festival in Miami. It's an annual Hispanic celebration on Calle Ocho. I did not expect the amount of drinking that would go on there. I guess Heineken and Corona must have been sponsors. I was not tempted in the least but did drink two cups of Mayorga coffee. I think tomorrow will not be a very productive day for Hispanics in the Miami area. I am really tired after walking for 3.5 hours after doing an hour on the elliptical this morning. Don't mind me but I will be planted in front of the tv for a couple of hours.
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Bil, poked and prodded. You know it! Nurse had to try 4 locations to find vein today. 4! I like her. She tried hard. 4?! She said she was the nurse they call when others are having a hard time finding a vein! 4?!!! Man of Steel I guess.
This is my first stay in hospital in 47 years (weird "47", birthday was on Wednesday).
I am often an optimist (read: dumb ass) when hearing/interpreting things. Doctor: "we will see if home-based treatment is a viable option after the first session". Hmm, I can go home today...had my first plasma exchange last night with no problems. Doctor: "uh,no. First session is a ROUND of therapy; 5 treatments over 5 days".
Shucks!
Pulled a Bonnie and Clyde. Wife busted me out so I could visit babies for 10 minutes at my house. They were both happy to see me; smiles! Pickle hasn't eaten anybody.
This was not a One Flew Over the Kuckoo's Nest bust out. I am still in street clothes. Don't know how I got through the gauntlet with no change in clothes. Love it. I am literally the only one not in one of those gowns with ass hanging out. Every time new personnel walk in room, ask, "where is the patient". You couldn't tell by looking at me that there is anything wrong. Nurses keep hitting on me Tobers. Gotta use my fly swatted to keep em off.
The thinking behind 5 days is that there could be some adverse reactions to the replacement therapy. I get it.
In 6 weeks I go for a nerve conduction test. That determines if I need any more plasma therapy.
In terms of how quickly I will recover...remains to be seen. Just kind of unfolds itself. Could take weeks, could take years (how vague is that?). My doctor suspects a few months....had a few things in my favor: 1. Good shape before onset, 2. Made it in here before it spread with any seriousness to upper extremities (little affected here for me) and respiratory system (vey little in this area for me, thank goodness) 3. No diarrhea...don't know why, but apparently this results in longer recovery.
Guillian Barre has a hit rate of 1 in 100,000. I am very special!
This is my first stay in hospital in 47 years (weird "47", birthday was on Wednesday).
I am often an optimist (read: dumb ass) when hearing/interpreting things. Doctor: "we will see if home-based treatment is a viable option after the first session". Hmm, I can go home today...had my first plasma exchange last night with no problems. Doctor: "uh,no. First session is a ROUND of therapy; 5 treatments over 5 days".
Shucks!
Pulled a Bonnie and Clyde. Wife busted me out so I could visit babies for 10 minutes at my house. They were both happy to see me; smiles! Pickle hasn't eaten anybody.
This was not a One Flew Over the Kuckoo's Nest bust out. I am still in street clothes. Don't know how I got through the gauntlet with no change in clothes. Love it. I am literally the only one not in one of those gowns with ass hanging out. Every time new personnel walk in room, ask, "where is the patient". You couldn't tell by looking at me that there is anything wrong. Nurses keep hitting on me Tobers. Gotta use my fly swatted to keep em off.
The thinking behind 5 days is that there could be some adverse reactions to the replacement therapy. I get it.
In 6 weeks I go for a nerve conduction test. That determines if I need any more plasma therapy.
In terms of how quickly I will recover...remains to be seen. Just kind of unfolds itself. Could take weeks, could take years (how vague is that?). My doctor suspects a few months....had a few things in my favor: 1. Good shape before onset, 2. Made it in here before it spread with any seriousness to upper extremities (little affected here for me) and respiratory system (vey little in this area for me, thank goodness) 3. No diarrhea...don't know why, but apparently this results in longer recovery.
Guillian Barre has a hit rate of 1 in 100,000. I am very special!
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Wow...4 times????!!!! I HATE needles...scare the daylights outta me....always have to have a shot of lidocaine before they put an IV in....Plasma replacement??? Wow....glad you got to see the babies! Hang in there, Driver! I am finishing packing and getting the house ready for guests to stay here while we are gone. Believe it or not, I found a couple on FB who were coming to CR in March so I put it out there. Can't leave the house unattended...lots of petty theft. Also, have to print out TONS of student papers that I graded as "evidence" for my meeting with the Provost....already have gone through 2 black ink cartridges...not to mention paper....
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Driver, you're a rare gem! Are you getting enough sleep at night at the hospital? I remember nurses always coming in to check vitals at night last time I was there. Plasmapheresis is fascinating. My mom had it (not for GBS but for TTP, if you're into acronyms), and I had no idea that it was possible to do what it does.
Trudging, good luck with the trip and especially with your meeting. This is YOUR year, so I think it'll work out in your favor.
I survived the plunge. A few people did chicken out, but most people went in. It wasn't as bad as I had expected. I laid in the little hole that was dug out, but the water wasn't quite deep enough to cover me. I wasn't about to roll over like some people did though. I've attached a photo of the hole through the ice. The larger area is the hole dug out for the Polar Plunge last week that Jimmy Fallon did for the Special Olympics a week ago. As you can see, it was completely frozen over by the time we got there. We've almost reached our goal of $35,000 and donations are still being accepted, so I'm sure we'll meet the goal. Very exciting. It's a fun event, and I'm sure I'll do it again next year.
image-1508289950.jpg
Trudging, good luck with the trip and especially with your meeting. This is YOUR year, so I think it'll work out in your favor.
I survived the plunge. A few people did chicken out, but most people went in. It wasn't as bad as I had expected. I laid in the little hole that was dug out, but the water wasn't quite deep enough to cover me. I wasn't about to roll over like some people did though. I've attached a photo of the hole through the ice. The larger area is the hole dug out for the Polar Plunge last week that Jimmy Fallon did for the Special Olympics a week ago. As you can see, it was completely frozen over by the time we got there. We've almost reached our goal of $35,000 and donations are still being accepted, so I'm sure we'll meet the goal. Very exciting. It's a fun event, and I'm sure I'll do it again next year.
image-1508289950.jpg
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This post is designed to complete a circuit. It's actually been bouncing around my head since I posted in mid January about insecurities.
The gap in the circuit only occurred when I posted more recently about being a fearless captain of a strong ship. How could a shift in cognitive paradigms occur?
You may remember that I spoke of being an emotional geiger counter impulsively reacting to my perceptions of how people see me. I also spoke of spending a vast amount of resources endeavoring to have people view me as competent, interesting, strong. I attributed this behavior to feelings of inadequacy and a possible inferiority complex. In my eyes, this still seems to be a valid assessment (at that time). Yet there is a component of this behavior, regarding an innate predisposition for these feelings that I must reframe. Please allow me to explain (I do this as part of my therapy, it helps with the job of restructuring Tobers. And I really do view you guys as my cadre of cognitive-behavioral therapists. In fact, I'd venture to say, as a collective group, you guys are better than any one psychologist. One psychologist has one viewpoint. You have many. And what if that psychologist sucks or a connection is not made. Anyway, in this particular case, it was something Cynderino wrote that helped my understanding "and when we were not drinking we were making up for our 'bad behavior'...." Uh, yeah...I can identify with this. And, interesting...written in the past tense...vey interesting.
I liken my time drinking beer, especially in the last few years, to living in a prison. Like many prisoners, I had a tattoo. Mine was on my forehead. It read "BEER".
I was a model inmate (read: highly functional alcoholic) who had the privilege of going out on work release on a daily basis. I desperately wanted to be viewed by the general population as one of them. But I had this tattoo. Everyone knew I was bad.
I countered that by running around filling other people's cups and trying to impress with my abilities.
But wait. I was no longer in prison. I broke out months ago. I no longer had "BEER" stamped to my forehead. Why was I still attempting to validate myself (which I never really achieved cause I went back to my prison and drank beer every night so next day, start over) by behaving in ways that would convince others I am good? I'll never really know. Maybe I was still punishing myself for my "bad behavior". Maybe I was stuck in a rut of old cognitions just as I had previously been stuck in a rut of compulsively drinking beer even when I no longer truly enjoyed it. At any rate, it no longer made sense. Truly, nonsense. I needed to change tenses.
So I stopped. I forgave myself and just stopped. Just like I did with beer.
To be honest, this was relatively easy. The problem was not innate. I had created it. So I uncreated so to speak. In doing so Tobers, I think I became the most authentic version of myself yet. I am what I am. I am not bad. I am not a piece of s$&@. I no longer make myself cringe with hatred when I look in the mirror. In fact, I like me (maybe love me, still figuring that one out). I am a competent person who is interesting and strong. I have nothing to prove. Take it or leave it.
Ridding myself of all this inner garbage has been quite liberating. Far more liberating than quitting the beer. But I never would have gotten to this place had I not stopped the drinking. The only thing that saddens me is that I must acknowledge that I put my own emotional growth on pause for so long. What's done is done though.
I'm pretty sure there is much more to be discovered, I hope there always is, but I am certain that the distance between me and that prison is growing ever greater. I will never go back there. That beer costs far too much.
The gap in the circuit only occurred when I posted more recently about being a fearless captain of a strong ship. How could a shift in cognitive paradigms occur?
You may remember that I spoke of being an emotional geiger counter impulsively reacting to my perceptions of how people see me. I also spoke of spending a vast amount of resources endeavoring to have people view me as competent, interesting, strong. I attributed this behavior to feelings of inadequacy and a possible inferiority complex. In my eyes, this still seems to be a valid assessment (at that time). Yet there is a component of this behavior, regarding an innate predisposition for these feelings that I must reframe. Please allow me to explain (I do this as part of my therapy, it helps with the job of restructuring Tobers. And I really do view you guys as my cadre of cognitive-behavioral therapists. In fact, I'd venture to say, as a collective group, you guys are better than any one psychologist. One psychologist has one viewpoint. You have many. And what if that psychologist sucks or a connection is not made. Anyway, in this particular case, it was something Cynderino wrote that helped my understanding "and when we were not drinking we were making up for our 'bad behavior'...." Uh, yeah...I can identify with this. And, interesting...written in the past tense...vey interesting.
I liken my time drinking beer, especially in the last few years, to living in a prison. Like many prisoners, I had a tattoo. Mine was on my forehead. It read "BEER".
I was a model inmate (read: highly functional alcoholic) who had the privilege of going out on work release on a daily basis. I desperately wanted to be viewed by the general population as one of them. But I had this tattoo. Everyone knew I was bad.
I countered that by running around filling other people's cups and trying to impress with my abilities.
But wait. I was no longer in prison. I broke out months ago. I no longer had "BEER" stamped to my forehead. Why was I still attempting to validate myself (which I never really achieved cause I went back to my prison and drank beer every night so next day, start over) by behaving in ways that would convince others I am good? I'll never really know. Maybe I was still punishing myself for my "bad behavior". Maybe I was stuck in a rut of old cognitions just as I had previously been stuck in a rut of compulsively drinking beer even when I no longer truly enjoyed it. At any rate, it no longer made sense. Truly, nonsense. I needed to change tenses.
So I stopped. I forgave myself and just stopped. Just like I did with beer.
To be honest, this was relatively easy. The problem was not innate. I had created it. So I uncreated so to speak. In doing so Tobers, I think I became the most authentic version of myself yet. I am what I am. I am not bad. I am not a piece of s$&@. I no longer make myself cringe with hatred when I look in the mirror. In fact, I like me (maybe love me, still figuring that one out). I am a competent person who is interesting and strong. I have nothing to prove. Take it or leave it.
Ridding myself of all this inner garbage has been quite liberating. Far more liberating than quitting the beer. But I never would have gotten to this place had I not stopped the drinking. The only thing that saddens me is that I must acknowledge that I put my own emotional growth on pause for so long. What's done is done though.
I'm pretty sure there is much more to be discovered, I hope there always is, but I am certain that the distance between me and that prison is growing ever greater. I will never go back there. That beer costs far too much.
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Originally Posted by LittleSparrow
I survived the plunge. A few people did chicken out, but most people went in. It wasn't as bad as I had expected. Very exciting. It's a fun event, and I'm sure I'll do it again next year.
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(Thanks for the picture)
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