RocketQueen

What constitutes "trying hard enough" to recover from mental illness?

Today I had a panic attack before my dr appointment, and had to call my mother to drive me there as I was in no state to drive. On the phone she seemed fine with it ("Yep, no worries. I'll be there in fifteen minutes."), but as soon as I got into the car, she ripped me a new one, literally screaming at me that she was sick and tired of my hypochondria and that I wasn't trying hard enough to get better (that was the gist of the whole one-sided screaming match. Other things included how pathetic and sad my life is and questioning my capabilities as a mother - can't argue that tho. My life is pretty sh**, and I am a sh** mother/person).

Anyway, my question is; how much effort is "enough"? I'm seeing a psychologist, hypnotherapist, on medication which is constantly changing because they aren't helping or are making me worse and I'm seeing my GP for reviews every 3 weeks on average, and she knows all this. I don't know what else I can possibly do! I asked her what it is she wants me to do and all she could say (yell) was "I don't know!".

What am I missing here? She seems to think that I'm ok living like this and I'm just doing it to **** her off.

Im so hurt and angry and fed up with being told that nothing I do is or ever will do will be good enough. At this point I feel that my only option is to cease to exist. Then she will be happy and this will all be over.

HJIK

I spent years having panic attacks as a result of taking meds for the anxiety I originally felt and didn't like, I was at it so long I forgot what I was like before I started. That anxiety would get so intense it didn't matter, I had to keep taking the stuff. Even alcohol (the most effective anxiety drug) wasn't effective anymore cause of the meds but I would drink it anyway. Just the fear of the next round of anxiety would actually cause the next panic attack, "Oh no its starting..."

It would start the moment I woke up, where are my pills ? chew and swallow.

I quit drinking and the psych meds, went through withdrawal hell (this feeling of intense fear that eventually drove me into psychosis for a wile) and then I started to recover. Long long story.

I haven't had a panic attack in years, wish come true.

What constitutes "trying hard enough" to recover from mental illness?

That is a tough question. I do know I made my family crazy with my crises, they didn't understand how intensely evil a panic attack is and if they wouldn't jump and help I basically said , F U you don't care.

The best answer I can give to what constitutes "trying hard enough" was my own decision to quit drinking and quit looking for a fix in a pill that did not exist, I tried them all. Today I have to still live with some of the anxiety , It is a whole lot better but I still consider it a weakness and believe it is a handicap that gets in my way. I am male so anxiety is really not something I care to show off and anxiety never got me dates, jobs or new friends or anything good.

That's me, I don't know much about you or your story. Tell some more. I feel for people that do panic attacks, I still remember that hell.

Gal220

I'm sorry, it sounds like that was a really cruddy situation. I think only you can know if you're truly doing your best to get well. If you are, try not to listen to the naysayers. Maybe your mom was just frustrated. Sometimes I really wonder how my husband doesn't lose it with me sometimes; I don't know if I would be so patient if our situations were reversed. Maybe there are some concrete things you and she or you and your therapist can suggest to make it easier for you to deal with anxiety, but also for your family to deal. I hope you're feeling better now.

Raider

I'm sorry. That's pretty awful. Your not a ****** person. Sounds like your doing the best you can. That's all you can do. Blessings.

RocketQueen

Thank you for your comments. Much appreciated.

I've been sober for a little over a year. I had never had a panic attack or anxiety (just depression) until I quit drinking. I also quit mirtzapine (sp?) cold turkey the same day I quit drinking cold turkey, so I also had withdrawals from hell. I can relate to you on that one. I had assumed that the anxiety I was suffering at the time (or what I assume was anxiety - I had never had any experience with it until then) was withdrawal related and would ease as time went on. Nope. Dead wrong. To this day the anxiety is just as strong as the day I quit, and the depression even stronger because the anxiety just isn't budging, regardless of what I do.

My anxiety isn't something I like to show off either. It has kept me pretty isolated over the last 12 months, despite forcing myself to push through it. I try to keep it under wraps as best I can from my mother (for fear of episodes like this), as well as hiding it from my daughter, however sometimes I get sucker punched by it and there is literally nothing I can do to control it. I understand that anxiety doesn't get you anything good. Trust me, I'm doing everything in my power to make it go away.

Also, I've never expected my mother to jump in and help, so her not jumping in isn't my concern. My "F U" to her isn't from lack of help, it's probably more to do with the fact that she likes to constantly kick me while I'm down. While I appreciate that there is bound to be some frustration there for her, her approach is less than constructive, and more damaging IMO. I have no idea what she's trying to achieve. If you care about someone, you don't do that. It's like I walked out of one abusive relationship directly into another.

Anyway, it's really discouraging to think you're trying your best to change things (and let's face it, it's something that will not change overnight) only to be told that your efforts are not good enough and you need to try harder. How? The only thing I can think of is that instead of making me terrified to talk to her about anything (she is the only person in my life ATM), she offer an empathetic shoulder. A hug would be nice. Of course, I could never tell her that.

Threshold

I think "enough" is always in the eye of the beholder.

We do what we can, with what we have.

Some people think that we should be able to think ourselves out of anything. They usually feel that way about themselves too (in my experience) so some of the frustration that they display is often some of their own frustration with themselves as well.

Anxiety is horrible. No doubt about that. I don't know what the magic cure is. It varies so much with different people. Some people have it as the result of meds. Not always psych meds. Others find relief in meds.

There may be a solution out there for yours, it is VERY possible, so don't give up hope. But it's not something you can force and "more" isn't always better. I am sorry that your mom is so impatient and frustrated with you and took it out on you that way, that certainly doesn't help. I have experienced that from loved ones as well.

I understand that the anxiety itself impacts finding a solution for itself. But please keep moving forward. there are many options medical and otherwise that people find relief with. Sometimes they are things we must do one at a time and give them time to work.

I'm glad you came here to share your story. Vent away whenever you need to!

HJIK

Re: Try harder

I think to many parents also become "web md" experts from reading those pages that over simplify, condition x do treatment y (usually pills) ... It doesn't always work that way. Contrary to popular lies, mental illness is nothing at all like diabetes. The brain is an object, the MIND is action.

Anyway, Mirtzapine or Remeron was part of my story,

What pills are you taking now ? Check this out,

"February 19, 2014

Adverse effects of antidepressants, including sexual difficulties and emotional numbing, apathy, suicidality and withdrawal effects may be more frequent than previously reported, according to research published yesterday in Psychiatry Research. John Read, et al., surveyed 1,829 adults – the largest sample surveyed to date – who had been prescribed antidepressants in the last five years. Emotional “side-effects” were reported by more than 50%. "

That came out yesterday, Adverse Emotional and Interpersonal Effects of Antidepressants | Mad In America

Your original post says you were going to the doctor so I am guessing you are taking the stuff.

Sometimes the right meds are none at all but people rarely try that, I was finally motivated to go that way because of some abusive inpatient treatment combined with finally realizing it wasn't helping. Insomnia still calls for a pill sometimes but that's it. No more of this 24/7 med chemicals in my blood business.

The anxiety also went away from going to those AA meetings, there was no divine intervention by the 12 step Gods, I just got used to being around people again sober with out bugging out. It was bad at first I wouldn't go alone, I had one friend who was a "forward blocker" so I didn't have to go in and have the 'Your alone and don't know anyone' spotlight on me.

You can beat that anxiety I think.

matt4x4

Sounds like some family issues there. Always tough, vocal arguments or silence. As long as you know yourself you are doing the best you can do that is all that counts. Deep down in your heart you know if you are trying to progress or are you regressing. Just sounded to me like a spat is all. Words come out, time to deal with it in an adult manner which for that state of mind is going to be very hard to do.

HJIK

Remember the mind is action,

"Identify the Core Belief
Identifying a core belief is like solving a mystery of the illusions in your mind. You have to follow some clues to get down to the hidden beliefs in the unconscious. Let’s use the example of fear of public speaking. Fear of public speaking isn’t a core belief. It is an emotional reaction to a belief. The thought a person has is that, “They will think I’m a stupid idiot.” This is the fear, but not the belief. "

Read this Change Core Beliefs | Identify and changing Core Beliefs | Behaviors | False Beliefs

In my case it was fear of the anxiety itself, I believed it would hurt so I was making it hurt.

There are many pages on this change core beliefs - Google Search

Live

That sounds like a ride from hell! I am so sorry.

It sure sounds to me like you are making every effort to get help and change occurs gradually, there is no quick fix. As long as you are being honest with your care team, then I would say you are doing everything you can.

It is also a long and often discouraging journey to find the right medications that work with your mind/body.

The last time my dad told me to get my chit together I responded by asking him if he would ever say that to mom. Long pause. He said no and that has been the end of that. But I was more proactive than that alone, I sent emails to all my family to educate them about my illness and lists of things not to say and helpful things to say and do. I put those out as my boundaries of what was acceptable and what was not. If they want me in their life then they need to stick with kindness and compassion.
My daughter thought it was manipulative, she is entitled to her opinion, I stand by everything I said and sent.

I let the mind over matter, some pills are evil twist my thinking for far too long. Went off anxiety meds against medical advice. I suffered and it only grew worse. These days I don't let other people's opinions take the place of my trained dr's advice and prescriptions. That was insanity.
I take anxiety meds, I need them. My med cocktail enables me to feel better and do more and I am no longer paralyzed by panic or anxiety.
The meds have not done away with my illness but they do make coping so very much better.
I've a long way to go but with the support of meds and therapy I slowly grow stronger.
I miss and have mourned the adventurous me before I got sick, but no one asks to be sick whatever the ailment.

From time to time I re-read "When Bad Things Happen to Good People", it's comforting.

I am pleased with whatever I am able to do on any given day and the days I spend just coping are better than the alternatives. I treat myself with kindness and compassion. Seems your mother is short on those....and that is a disability in and of itself, not a reflection upon you. I would try to address this in therapy.

sending a (((((hug)))))),
T

Randummy

Sounds like my mother. No one enjoys having a mental illness and you are clearly doing enough by going to a therapist etc. It's not as though you enjoy it. My own mum has significant mental health issues but she has never understood my own problems; and you don't need to explain yourself, that's the biggest thing to understand. Without sounding like a mad hippie (which I am), you will always be with you, so you need to work on yourself and care less about what your mum does or does not understand. You are clearly doing your best; you're not sitting in your house all day and neglecting your therapy sessions. It sounds like she's just upset and frustrated that you're not sorted out. I understand that because it's upsetting, but just focus on your own recovery and things will fall into place. I've stopped self-harming, no suicide attempts for a few years, no drugs and I'm now detoxing from alcohol and I have a good relationship with my mum even though I never thought it would happen. Keep strong, focus on your recovery and don't take the criticism to heart.

Lucy777

I agree with Live, especially about education and boundaries. My ex couldnt or wouldnt understand what I was going thru. I gave him the information but I wish I would have had better boundaries in place. I finally left him so I could work on myself without all the additional mental anguish from him.

Frequent changes to meds is difficult. It took me a long time to get the right meds.

Keep working on you.