Step 5 (take2)
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 112
Step 5 (take2)
Hey all,
Last weekend I attempted to do Step 5 (on the phone, because we live far apart) with a woman I trust and has been in the program (sober, relapse, sober 6 more years) for a long time.
Because my sponsor (ok, let's be honest, my former sponsor) has not responded to me in weeks, I have been doing this all on my own. Broken, living in Step 4 over a month, I've struggled with who to confide in, who to trust with this step.
We spent an hour on the phone, me with my lovely Step 4 checklist of resentments blah blah blah, and it became clear that she wanted me to go deeper. I'm a very deep person, and she said she really wanted me to go much deeper, really get IN there, really think/write about these people on my list.
So I did.
I'm trying to make this short. Much more I could do to explain where I'm at, but suffice it to say that today we are talking again. And in my writing this week, I've nailed my major character flaw: FEAR. The reason I know it's the big one is because when thinking about asking God to remove it, I hesitate. WHY???? Because it's all I've ever known.
Anyway, friends, would love your prayers. The BB talks about a certain sense of relief and freedom after doing this step. I didn't feel that last week. Felt like, once again, I had failed.
But I'm doing it again. Today.
And yes, I know I'm only 2 1/2 months sober, but I'm ready to do this. Very ready.
Thanks for reading
Joy
Last weekend I attempted to do Step 5 (on the phone, because we live far apart) with a woman I trust and has been in the program (sober, relapse, sober 6 more years) for a long time.
Because my sponsor (ok, let's be honest, my former sponsor) has not responded to me in weeks, I have been doing this all on my own. Broken, living in Step 4 over a month, I've struggled with who to confide in, who to trust with this step.
We spent an hour on the phone, me with my lovely Step 4 checklist of resentments blah blah blah, and it became clear that she wanted me to go deeper. I'm a very deep person, and she said she really wanted me to go much deeper, really get IN there, really think/write about these people on my list.
So I did.
I'm trying to make this short. Much more I could do to explain where I'm at, but suffice it to say that today we are talking again. And in my writing this week, I've nailed my major character flaw: FEAR. The reason I know it's the big one is because when thinking about asking God to remove it, I hesitate. WHY???? Because it's all I've ever known.
Anyway, friends, would love your prayers. The BB talks about a certain sense of relief and freedom after doing this step. I didn't feel that last week. Felt like, once again, I had failed.
But I'm doing it again. Today.
And yes, I know I'm only 2 1/2 months sober, but I'm ready to do this. Very ready.
Thanks for reading
Joy
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
take it easy on yerself,joy.
fear was an aspect of my whole life. all that anger and rage...turned out it was all rooted in fear. then to get rid of it...fear of the unknown! wat was it gonna be like to live without fear???
just had to do it and leave the results up to God.
heres what the man who I did my 5th step list did when I was done: took it, crumbled it up, threw it in his waste basket and said,"now,tell me what ya didn't put on there." how did he know?????
one of the most freeing things I have done was open up with him about what wasn't on that list.
"Fear knocked at the door; faith answered; no one was there." I don't know to whom this quote should be attributed, but it certainly indicates very clearly that fear is an illusion. I create the illusion myself.
I experienced fear early in my life and I mistakenly thought that the mere presence of it made me a coward. I didn't know that one of the definitions of "courage" is "the willingness to do the right thing in spite of fear." Courage, then, is not necessarily the absence of fear.
that's from the daily reflections. im not smart enough to come up with that.
fear was an aspect of my whole life. all that anger and rage...turned out it was all rooted in fear. then to get rid of it...fear of the unknown! wat was it gonna be like to live without fear???
just had to do it and leave the results up to God.
heres what the man who I did my 5th step list did when I was done: took it, crumbled it up, threw it in his waste basket and said,"now,tell me what ya didn't put on there." how did he know?????
one of the most freeing things I have done was open up with him about what wasn't on that list.
"Fear knocked at the door; faith answered; no one was there." I don't know to whom this quote should be attributed, but it certainly indicates very clearly that fear is an illusion. I create the illusion myself.
I experienced fear early in my life and I mistakenly thought that the mere presence of it made me a coward. I didn't know that one of the definitions of "courage" is "the willingness to do the right thing in spite of fear." Courage, then, is not necessarily the absence of fear.
that's from the daily reflections. im not smart enough to come up with that.
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