Dee74

continues from here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-6-a-20.html

D

LittleSparrow

Trudging and DD, your stories (about the wooden chip and the acts of kindness) were so touching.

Free2B, I know we keep going on and on about acceptance, but it sounds like it may be the one piece missing from your puzzle. I truly believe that's where the strength lies in being able to stay sober. Otherwise, it's a bit shaky. Without it, you're just depriving yourself and struggling, which is exhausting. I just wish I knew where the acceptance comes from. Maybe Dee has some ideas?

Cynderino

Stick around here Free!

Ditto trudging and DD - both stories are very touching. I think I will do some random acts of kindness tomorrow. What a good way to honor those who lost their lives that day.

JL2013

Free I don't think you should goto a different month. I broke down and drank after October, but I kind of feel like I'm familiar with ppl on here. That helps me. You guys are my group. There are flat out, not enough hrs in the day for me to go out somewhere to meetings. Love the chip story Trudging. Good posts today from ALL. Half of night 1 of 4 done,(*****oo), and it's been a nutty Friday the 13th. Glad it's the 14th.

trudgingagain

Thanks, all for your comments on my "chip" story....and yes, he is a keeper Third time was the charm for me on this one DD...love your post about random acts of kindness....what a great thing to model and teach your kids! Think you would have done that sober? LOL....JL, glad you are still with us and Free, stick around! Nothing new going on here (thank goodness)....unless you would consider yet another e-mail from my addict daughter (claiming she is clean and asking for money) new...ugh! Acceptance is the key to all of our issues....that is where I am today. Happy Sober Saturday to all. Gonna be another beautiful summer day here

HDrosebud

Morning all. .2 months ago I awoke not remember the night...what a great feeling waking up sober...

Bilr44

HD,

Congrats on hitting two months which is a fantastic milestone. Sorry to say I had a few nights like that myself.

WhoDey

Wow ... lots of great posts.

Free ... Selfishly I'd like you to stay with us as I have enjoyed your posts. However, like Dee shared, do participate in the December group if you think it would be valuable. Evidently there is no extra charge to post in multiple groups, so I hope you continue to post here.

Trudging ... That was a beautiful gesture by your husband. I'm very happy for you, but feeling a little down myself. Your husband has raised the bar of spousal gift giving ... just in time for Christmas. Great. Hopefully my wife won't read this thread and have her expectations raised!

DD ... I hadn't heard about the Acts of Kindness, so thanks for sharing. What a wonderful experience. I was stunned yesterday to learn of yet another shooting in Colorado. I'm going to follow your example and practice random acts of kindness today.

Rosebud ... 2 months is terrific! Congratulations. Don't forget how much better sobriety feels. I do worry that over time I'll forget how desperate life was becoming with alcohol.

Busy day today. Unlike Trudging who will be busy smearing on sunscreen, I will be shoveling the driveway today. Awesome. After that I have a 7th grade basketball practice to run. I learned last night that an old friend from my volunteering days (I volunteered quite a bit at a local nature center years ago) has written a children's book and is holding a book signing today. I'm going to drop in and surprise her. Then a group of friends are coming over for board games and dinner. Overall a fun day ... and the kind of day I would have dreaded not very long ago. When will I be able to sneak off to the liquor store to make my purchases? Where is my alone drinking time?! Drinking really was a full-time job to me.

Somewhere in there I need to squeeze in some Christmas shopping. Either that or quickly learn woodworking.

Have a great day everyone.

DoubleDragons

LS, I just looked up on google "How to Accept that I am an Alcoholic." I do think it is the biggest hurdle, yet absolutely vital for long term sobriety. As usual, I didn't find anything earth shattering. (I think so many professionals have their own alcohol issues, so it is very hard to find really good material and statistics on the real problems of alcoholism) Anyway, I did copy this from another forum. It made sense to me:

Active alcoholism/addiction: Driven by feelings. Feelings turn into thoughts. Thoughts turn into actions.

Recovery: Actions leading to thoughts which turn into feelings.

The process in recovery is totally reversed of that of active addiction.

Its another way of saying you can't think your way into right acting. You have to act your way into right thinking.

So, when in doubt, f*ck your feelings.

DoubleDragons

I think the level of acceptance that I am at right now is that my life and my health are definitely better without alcohol.

DoubleDragons

You know, Trudging, I think I probably would have done the random acts things back in my drinking days (but certainly not on a Friday night _ nothing would have been more important than my weekend drinking). The difference is that the motivation would have been different. I think some of the reason I did nice , thoughtful, ultra-responsible things before, in my drinking days, was to allay my guilt and to not give anyone any reason to suggest I should cut down on my drinking. I do, however, give myself creds for being a kind person, drinking or not.

DoubleDragons

Free, whenever I get to be tempted to try moderation, again, I ask myself, "Why is this so important to me?" Nothing I have quit in the past year (Diet Cokes, red meat, artificial sweeteners etc.) has taken this amount of time or energy or thought to quit and it has not been that hard at all to stay quit to those things, yet alcohol has been really hard to stay quit from. That makes it so obvious to me what an ADDICT I truly am. I do not want to be an ADDICT. I do not want be a loser. To me, Active Addict = Loser. Drinking like "normal" people doesn't do it for me. Having 1-2 glasses of wine only on the weekends, only leaves me pining for more. It makes me live my life like countdown to the drink. And what is the drink? A lifeless, pointless, empty calorie, poisonous, expensive, controlling glass of liquid. It doesn't make me happy. When I am miserable and I start drinking, I only feel more miserable and sad. Yes, when I am at a happy occasion such as a wedding, the buzz seems to enhance the happiness . . . until I do something stupid or physically painful or the memory of the happy event becomes very fuzzy to me because of all of the alcohol in my system. In short, think the drink out, Free. It is not what our AV wants us to think it is.

free2Bsober13

Thanks Tobers!
WhoDey, your posts put a smile on my face.

You all are so kind and encouraging. I've been giving my situation a lot of thought. This whole time of recovery-since July- I've been encouraged by counselors, "forbidden" to drink by dh, or taking a pill that would make me sick. I've also been encouraged by my friend from church who I've drunk called and texted more times than I can count. I have never once decided not to drink just for myself. It's always been for someone else or not to have to tell my new " date" to someone.
I've got to decide that I don't want alcohol even without a pill and even if my husband says it's ok.
That's where I am going...now to get there.

LittleSparrow

WD, thanks for making me laugh this morning! Better get to woodworking! And when you figure out how to do it, feel free to share your knowledge with my husband! Also, it sounds like you've got a really fun day ahead. Enjoy it!

The other day I went to a talk about how our mindset influences our behaviors. It was all about changing your self-defeating thoughts (which lead to negative behaviors that we later feel guilty about) to positive thoughts (which lead to being the kind of person we really want to be). This quote from Gandhi really made it sink in for me and echos what DD said: "Your beliefs become your thoughts. Your thoughts become your words. Your words become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your values. Your values become your destiny." The example was that if you want to be a reader, then you need to believe you are a reader. If you tell yourself over and over that you are a reader, you'll eventually pick up a book and read it. You'll do that over and over again, and reading becomes your habit. The more you give in to your habit of reading, the more you value it, and then, guess what, you're a reader. Of course it made me think of drinking vs not drinking. If I want to be a nondrinker, I have to believe I'm a nondrinker and tell myself that I am a nondrinker (and I've also learned that it's important to frame it in the positive, "I'm a nondrinker," than in the negative, "I do not drink"). The more it gets pounded into my head that I'm a nondrinker, the more my behavior will align with being a nondrinker. (To emphasize the "I'm a nondrinker" vs "I do not drink" thing, if I keep telling myself I do not drink, I do not drink, I do not drink, then I'm only telling myself what I can't do, which I think is just downright mean to myself.) The motivational speaker Brian Tracy explains it much more eloquently in The Psychology of Achievement, which I recommend checking out.

I'm right along with Rosebud today. Two months! This afternoon, I'm meeting some local celebs and playing with dogs at a charity thing. Tonight, I'm going out for a girls night, to dinner and maybe dancing, and it happens to be with some of the girls I was with 2 months and 1 day ago when I drank way, way, way too much. This morning before I even got out of bed, my husband said, "I guess tonight will be your true test." I told him that I really don't want to drink at all, and I wasn't just saying that. I'm looking forward to being silly with friends while I'm sober. And if they get annoyingly trashed, I plan on checking out early. Of course, we're in the middle of a huge snowstorm (and jealous of Trudging!), so hopefully I can make it out to these things.

Hope everyone is able to have a serene, sober Saturday.

LittleSparrow

Free2B, I don't know about you, but whenever someone else tells me not to do something, what do I want to do more than anything?? The very thing they tell me not to do. If I were in your situation, the second the pill isn't taken or my husband said he didn't care if I drank, of course I'd use it as an excuse to drink and I'd be telling myself "I'm free! I'm free!" Of course, I might feel free for the moment, but then the guilt and all that other stuff set in and I'd realize I'm not actually free. The only way you can free yourself is by deciding what YOU want to do (and whether it is being a drinker or a nondrinker, that's totally up to you). Sounds like you're on the right track.

SoberMarathon

I couldn't agree more DD! This is what gives me the incentive I need to stay sober. Despite missing the occasional opportunity to drink and let loose, generally feeling better ALL THE TIME is far more rewarding than any temporary buzz.

SoberMarathon

Congrats to all those hitting big milestones.:-) Due to my slips in September and last month, it will be a while before I reach anything worth celebrating. I'm on Day 19 now but not going to let it get me down. To quote an earlier post on this thread, I'm looking forward to New Years so I can start saying that I quit drinking last year! That will feel pretty good I'm sure.

Have a great weekend everyone!

countingdays

Good morning everyone. Very good reading today .

trudgingagain

hahahaha! Whodey...soooo funny! DD...love your postings...and I totally understand about the motivation behind the acts....I always try to "check my motives" before doing/saying anything now...."when in doubt f*** your feelings....lol. Congrats, HD and LS on two months! Glad you have an "out" tonight, as well, LS....SM...you are doing great! Keep going....and CD...glad to see you reading/posting here Unfortunately, didn't get to the beach today. Spent it catching up on the computer and Skying with a friend who is in "new retirement mode" and feels that drinking is her "reward".....although for years this person has been seeking my advice/support to stop....All in their own time....it is what it is...

Cynderino

Every day of sobriety is worth celebrating! Congrats on 19 days!