Making amends that had nothing to do with drinking
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,204
Making amends that had nothing to do with drinking
Most of my amends I feel I need to make we're from before I drank, and drinking had nothing to do with the hurt I caused. Do I still do them? I can see it helping me come to peace. Thanks.
Many amends are derived from our 4th. Step inventory. A good 4th. should
include many fears and resentments prior to and including our drinking years.
The BB says we do our 8th. Step when we do our 4th. That is where my list
came from.
include many fears and resentments prior to and including our drinking years.
The BB says we do our 8th. Step when we do our 4th. That is where my list
came from.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 146
If you have worked the previous 7 steps honestly and to the best of your ability, you will know who needs to be on your 8th step list. When I hear people say they did no wrong while drinking, I suppose it is possible. Ask some family members for a reality check.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 25
My sponsor wants me to make amends to an old employer, except I'm not sure why
While doing my 4th, an old employer came up that I had major resentments against. I work in a professional environment. While working for this person I came to find out that he was engaging in activities that would put my license at risk. I paid a lot more in taxes because he never put me on payroll and I had to declare myself as self-employed. There was a few other things as well, but you get the idea.
I decided not to report him to the state board and the IRS because in my mind that was revenge. I just wanted to get away from him and start over. I covered my butt by making sure all my I's were dotted and my T's were crossed and I left.
The resentments were really eating me up, so when it came time to do a 4th I put him on there. Doing my 8th, my sponsor suggested putting him on there to make amends to. When I asked him why I was the one making amends he said it had more to do with letting go fully of the resentment thus cleaning up my side of the street. He suggested calling him to thank him for giving me a job as a show of gratitude.
I don't know. This doesn't seem like it fits in with a 9th step. I thought a 9th step was about cleaning up the wreckage of our past by correcting the things I did wrong to others.
Does this sound like a good idea to you?
I decided not to report him to the state board and the IRS because in my mind that was revenge. I just wanted to get away from him and start over. I covered my butt by making sure all my I's were dotted and my T's were crossed and I left.
The resentments were really eating me up, so when it came time to do a 4th I put him on there. Doing my 8th, my sponsor suggested putting him on there to make amends to. When I asked him why I was the one making amends he said it had more to do with letting go fully of the resentment thus cleaning up my side of the street. He suggested calling him to thank him for giving me a job as a show of gratitude.
I don't know. This doesn't seem like it fits in with a 9th step. I thought a 9th step was about cleaning up the wreckage of our past by correcting the things I did wrong to others.
Does this sound like a good idea to you?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 146
You know, if you look at the things you are resentful ABOUT, write them down, and examine them closely, it might help make more clear how making "amends" to him will ultimately help YOU heal.
Maybe you were forced to be dishonest and it did something to you. Making amends to someone like this is a way to help yourself. Your resentments hurt him not one bit. They hurt you a great deal. You will find the answer.
Maybe you were forced to be dishonest and it did something to you. Making amends to someone like this is a way to help yourself. Your resentments hurt him not one bit. They hurt you a great deal. You will find the answer.
Somethings I found helpful when making amends;
1. I don't make amends to individuals - I make amends to the Universe.
2. I don't pay people back with my money - I pay them back with their money.
3. I don't expect people to forgive me or even like what I have done - I do it just to clean off my side of the street.
4. Success or failure is not mine to pocket.
1. I don't make amends to individuals - I make amends to the Universe.
2. I don't pay people back with my money - I pay them back with their money.
3. I don't expect people to forgive me or even like what I have done - I do it just to clean off my side of the street.
4. Success or failure is not mine to pocket.
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