Dee74

last part here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...pt-6-a-21.html

D

Croissant

Thanks everyone for all your thoughts on everything. Just reading before I go to work.

Lots to think about!

NCG...really true about seeking out comfort and what that really means...and that alcohol can't deliver on that.

Will catch up later today. Be safe all.x

Leshar

My girl friend texted me today to let me know that her husband's brother, his best friend, died today, aged 59, likely from a heart attack. His wife found him dead at home, how devastating.

I really liked this man. I got to know him very well when he lived with my friend and her husband for about 6 months, when he and his wife split up for that time. I was so happy when they reconciled. He was funny, and vibrant, a great story-teller. He was a recovered alcoholic, had been sober for 7 years.

I'm sad and shocked, but upset that I'm thinking about how drinking would blot stuff out for a while, I really thought I was "re-wiring" my thinking patterns. All I could think about was how after my husband died, I got thru with the arrangements etc, whilst in a blur of wine and gin. I really craved a gin and tonic this evening. Posting here to just get it out.
I won't drink, but I hate that this strong feeling has emerged.
I'm worried for my girl-friend, her husband is an alcoholic, and will be a mess, she will need all my support, and I want to be well, and present for her.

Ladybug2

Sorry to hear about your friend, Leshar. I know all too well how the craving can come out of nowhere and consume you. As I posted earlier, I have been wanting to drink to blot stuff/feelings out too, but it will only make us feel worse. Glad you posted. It does help to get it out. Stick close and we'll get through this Thoughts going out to your friend and her husband.

Dee74

I'm sorry to hear about your friends loss Leshar

D

Leshar

Ladybug, thanks so much for your support. It really helps me to share. Yeah that sudden craving is horrible. I've eaten something, in my pjs, and will go to bed early, although dont know if I'll sleep. Going to the city tomorrow for my acting class.

Leshar

Thanks, Dee, the support here is really appreciated.
Worried about how my friend will cope with her husband, I think he's now at serious risk of his drinking escalating even further.

Dee74

maybe, or you never know - this could be part of whatever makes him turn his life around too?

I'll hope for the second

D

Croissant

Hi Leshar, yes, I can only imagine this will stir up echoes of drinking. Like others have said, it's good to share how you are feeling, good or bad.

Best to go to bed early, certainly not a bad plan. I'm glad you are sober though, so you can see your friend needs you. Imagine how all this would be if you were still drinking.

Hugs. You aren't alone! Xx

Humbug

Day 126 made it this far, I've been depressed the last couple of weeks. Questioning the meaning of everything from life, to why I have to tie my shoes, to why do I have to wake up what is the point to it. Feeling much better now got out of that funk.
I stop counting the days its pointless I just used the sober calendar.
I hope everyone is doing well sorry I haven't read everyone post this time. I think that everyone is doing better because they made the right choice in life, not the easy one. Anything in life that is worth a damn isn't easy. take care all and god bless.

resolute50

For a while there I didn't really feel depressed. I was more like"neutral" to everything.
It was odd and think that it's something that happens along the road to recovery.
People would talk to me at work and home and I would be indifferent.

I'm glad that I've pushed past that. Not having any Joy is one thing. But, no having any joy,sorrow or any feelings is inhuman.
Thinking about it, it seems the be based on the many year and days that I looked forward to drinking. Now that part of my life has changed. Now I look forward to getting home and relaxing. No alcohol needed.

Humbug

Drinking after work was the carrot stick, I'm finding I'm not sure what to do anymore. I stay longer at work

resolute50

I have a plan or I should say a list of things to do.
I'm finding that I'm getting a high by getting things done that I used to put off.
I'll look at the job after it's done,and say to myself "job well done".
Then move onto something else.

I'm probably at that time in my life where going and learning a trade would be easy for me now. I should look into going back to school.
Even if it's just a night class at the local trade school on electrical,small engines,cooking...whatever.

Humbug

That is something I plan to going back to school next semester, I knew I couldn't do school while I was drinking because it took all my time. and I realize now how much time it took away from work.

SnoozyQ

Leshar I'm sorry to hear about your friends loss and how devastated you are . 59 is too young . I'm sure you will be a big support to her . Xx

Humbug , im glad you spoke about being in a fog ..i seriously had this for 3 whole months whilst recovering and only in the last couple of weeks has it lifted.
I promise you it will get better.
4 months sober was my turning point, it just seems to get better from a thinking point of view , then with that comes more confidence and motivation to do.

Its a horrible feeling and i do empathise , cos you feel like life is pointless and why wake up , nothin to get up for ..questioning life in general . I cant do the daily count thing either ..i hate it , it just doesn't work for me . I much prefer to think that ooooh. 5 months coming up on the 28th... The day by day is tedious but that's how it is for me IMO. what works for others dosnt necessarily work for us .

Bob i love how you can just get out there and get things done , you are such a motivator . I always wondered how you could do this in early sobriety when I was vegging out in bed , not facing the world and crawling under my covers to escape everything. There was Bob ....getting it done !

I seriously spent 3 months of NOT going anywhere , doing anything , answering my phone , door , texts ...just slept and ate and SR ...i honestly never thought i would never be the same person again Humbug , but I am and I'm just starting to like me again a little more . It's taken a long time but hoping i have a little something to offer and help others in here has helped me enormously.

Keep posting cos we love it when you come back and share with us ;-) xxxxx hugs

Ladybug , how are you doing today sweetheart . I know you've been struggling .
Your posts are always a joy to read be it when you are feeling up or down.
You seem to recognise your triggers pretty well and your mum is a good support for you .
How's your daughter going? I'm sure she is so , so glad to have her mum back stay focused hun cos you are doing great , working through the crappy cravings and you need a medal if your partner still drinks .

Croissant ,i really liked in your post where you said to Leshar , " going to bed early is a good plan ."
I agree 100% with that ;-) mind you i was in bed nearly 100% of the time lol but now that advice is perfect ??it keeps me out of trouble . Probably the best advice EVER .

How are you Lulu so glad you joined our Julyers xx look forward to your next post .

NorCaliGal i love the take on S.O.B.E.R. Lol made me chuckle so true hey ?

EQ always great to see you lovely and thanks millions for what you contribute in our limerick room , wouldn't be the same without your poems xx

LIVELIKEGOLD
I'm thinking of you and i glad you have had a couple of days separation from your little slip hun. You will come back stronger than ever on your journey now and we are so glad to be here for you . Much love x

Leshar , once again , i really hope you feel better soon re this sudden death , my thoughts
are with you xx

SoberM , Neverthought , Petercrab , hope you are all doing well x

To everyone else , sorry if I've forgotten anything ...I'm actually having another busy day planned . I'm living some life lol, who woulda thunk it ! Hehe xxxx

Have a great day / evening and thanks for all of you for always being here for me xxx you have helped me through this time more than you know xx

Petecrab

That's so true. I stay longer at work then straight to the gym = no time to think about picking up a drink. Day by day passes until leaving work at a normal time is fine. Can't remember the last time I left work thinking I Want a drink!

Snoozy nice post. I'm doing very well thank you. Filling my new sober time so full I don't even have time to pop on here. I am loving every second of sober life.

Best get some sleep. Alarms set for 6 hours time!

PC

EternalQ

I'm so sorry Leshar. And of course you would have flashbacks to your H and what you did to cope. How could you not? How sad it all is, too.
You're a brave soul and strong too. Very wise for you to get it out here.

Croissant

Ha Snoozy, I've had a couple of early nights myself early on just to scrape myself through. And honestly, sleep is a great rejuvenator anyway, so win win!

And also, like you, I'm not much for counting days. It just doesn't help me, but probably was hour by hour that I clung to in the first weeks!

Even though I had my slip a few weeks back, I don't consider it back to square one. Choosing sobriety is much more than filling in time and ticking off days.

So my journey right now...still goooooood! I had a really, really upsetting thing happen at work today, a similar situation that tipped me last month I now see. But on reflecting on my day, I'm so grateful to actually FEEL upset (really!....crazy, I know!). These situations must have happened at work before, when I was drinking...but I never remember them upsetting me, I really must have blotted out a lot.

I've also figured out (as opposed to just reading it here), sh&@ stuff still happens, sober or not...drinking just isn't coming to mind at present which is freaking awesome.

On a sad note, I was trying to see how Triky was and I think he's had some probs, but might be in care?? That's the most I could make of his recent posts.

For everyone who is struggling, please stick it out we all care.

Ladybug, really understand on the hormone issue too, also part of my last slip, but I think it's improving. Re your posts on the weekend. Might it be ok to ask your husband to skip drinking for a couple of weeks just so you can sort out if your mood is coming from a bit of resentment? I found resentment/anger part of the triggers, maybe if you can remove it for a bit and see?

I see that could be unfair to him, but you've proven to him you are committed to this, he may commit to a couple of weeks off? Also, maybe he doesn't realise how unrealistic and jealous our AV can be? Him drinking would be like seeing an ex lover locked in an embrace with someone else when at its peak! Maybe give him an analogy to explain the strong associations (albeit unrealistic!) we can have when exposed to alcohol.

Leshar

Hi all,

Snoozy, thanks for the great post and support. So my girlfriend is still coming to Montreal, I thought I'd be going alone because of her brother in laws funeral, but there is no funeral, he didnt ever want one apparently.

My girlfriend in Montreal is now inviting everyone and their dog to the dinner on Friday evening, including a guy i met at her home last year, he's a narcissistic man, an alcoholic. I tried to tell her that I didn't really like him, that I didn't like that he drinks too much. She got defensive, saying that he still misses his wife, he's a widower, and that he gets lonely, and that's why he drinks.
It all went badly, I hate that I can't stand up for myself, I just wanted her to meet my girl friend from here, just the three of us. I backed down, my girlfriend here says she doesn't mind, she just wants to have fun and forget things ie drink, and I'm afraid ill lose it.
Sometimes, it's just goddamn easier to be on your own.
Mood sucks today, don't even want to go.

Ladybug2

Hi everyone,

I'm still hanging in there. Snoozy & Croissant, thank you for your thoughtful posts. Snoozy, you are right - my daughter keeps me going. I look at her and just feel so grateful. Puts things into perspective. So what if I can't drink, I have a beautiful, healthy daughter who I waited 38 years to have I grew up with a wonderful Mom and she deserves that too. This fight may not be easy, but I do believe it is so worth it. If not then no one would stay sober and there would be no SR or AA, right?

Hope everyone is having a great day/evening. It is freezing here today!!