Notices

Class of March 2013 - Part 19

Old 10-11-2013, 04:03 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
Thread Starter
 
Seren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Class of March 2013 - Part 19

Here's the last bit....

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-18-a.html

On to the next bit...!
Seren is offline  
Old 10-11-2013, 04:30 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
wehav2day's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
woo, shotgun!
wehav2day is offline  
Old 10-11-2013, 06:04 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Marcher
 
joygirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,235
wehav, you braggart. I will never get shotgun. But I may get a shotgun to make myself feel better about it.

LP, You really don't know who Martha Stewart is? Oh, my. Well, it goes to show she's not all she thinks she is. You are not missing out.

shoes, If Martha Stewart was more like you, no. Never mind. She'd have been in more trouble.
joygirl is offline  
Old 10-11-2013, 09:19 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Marcher
 
joygirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,235
Hey guys, I'm going to be away for a little bit. Need to go do some things in real life here. Shouldn't take too terribly long. Everyone take care, and I'll see ya'll later on. Love and hugs! T.
joygirl is offline  
Old 10-11-2013, 09:27 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
wehav2day's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
hey girl, hope everything is alright. we'll miss you, but will be here when you feel like coming back!
wehav2day is offline  
Old 10-11-2013, 11:36 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Living and Loving Life at Last
 
tootsl1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,152
Congrats on shotgun Wehav!
Lots going on here so just a quick catch up before I go to work. Have a good day all will visit again later x
tootsl1 is offline  
Old 10-12-2013, 03:30 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Marcher13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Thank you Seren! We Marchers seem to need a new thread pretty regularly.

Wehav I hope things are going well for you? Joy don't be gone too long or I will have a problem. Toots de sweet I hope you have a good Saturday at work.
Marcher13 is offline  
Old 10-12-2013, 06:54 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Saskia's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,280
Good morning, Marchers!

WeHav, congrats on shotgun :-). Hope all's well.

Joy, you mean you actually have a real life outside our inimitable Marchers?

Toots, have a good day at work.

Happy Saturday to all.
Saskia is offline  
Old 10-12-2013, 08:14 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Probably my living room. Maybe my bedroom if I'm feeling lazy
Posts: 1,085
Ugh. My psychiatrist, who is supposedly an expert in addiction is recommending me going on a low dose of opiates to help with the pain until my surgery in January (unless it gets bumped up; I'll find out on Thursday). He thinks the progressive pain puts me at risk in so many ways, from work to relapse.

I started crying.

Opiates were never my thing, but I have taken them many times for recreational purposes. I pretty much took everything for recreational purposes.

I really don't want to take these meds. I'd rather be in pain. Even if I'm a miserable, irritable ***** and I have to work extra hours to get my work done (my brain currently isn't firing on all cylinders because the pain is distracting). I can deal with the pain. I have a very high tolerance for pain. But it's taking a lot of of me. I'm tired all the time. Just getting out of bed and putting on my clothes is so draining. I don't see how opiates will help with that.

I've tried all the non-narcotic options with no relief but something about having to take opiates scares the hell out of me. I really feel like it's the equivalent of a doctor putting a shot glass of vodka on the table and telling me to drink it.

I know will have to take these pills after my surgery. I have accepted that. But just taking them for the next 3 months is screwing with my mind. Worst of all, my mom is on board. She wants me to take the pills so I'm not suffering. Does she not remember me picking me up of the floor of my apartment, covered in vomit, blood and urine. Me in the ICU in a coma? The doctors telling her I wouldn't wake up and to think about taking me off life support? Planning my funeral Rehab?

I will see what the surgeon has to say on Thursday. Unless there is some rock solid plan to make sure I don't get hooked, I need to remind myself that this is my decision and I can reject medical advice.

I went to two meetings today. Even though it was cold and rainy, by the end of my evening meeting and hanging out with friends at the local burger joint, it wasn't hurting that much. People in AA have offered everything to me. To shop for my groceries. To drive me places. To just come over to my apartment and hang out so I don't isolate. I am so grateful.

But I am also so confused. I'm going to drop the subject with my mom, take it one day at a time, and see what the surgeon has to say. He needs to know how insane of an addict/alcoholic I am. That I am completely powerless over these drugs.

I also got fitted for a suit for my brother's wedding. I hate clothes shopping, but it wasn't so bad. I need to ask a girl in AA to come with me for support. Platonic of course.

So all in all, a pretty average Saturday
digdug is offline  
Old 10-12-2013, 08:18 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Saskia's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,280
DD, it sounds like it's a balance. You need to do whatever is best for you!
Saskia is offline  
Old 10-12-2013, 09:15 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
wehav2day's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Wow dd, you are amazing. So focused on your recover. You are going above and beyond the typical"whatever it takes." Is there a plan that would help you get comfortable with the opiates? Only you know the right thing to do. Sorry this is so hard, thank you for sharing with us. Your aa friends sound awesome!

I'm ok guys thank you for asking. We are going to table our stuff for now. Partner has an appt with a great therapist who helped her before. But now we are gonna focus on her family for a while. Just found out her dad has cancer. He also has copd and Alzheimer's so surgery and chemo would be painful, could kill him, and he may not understand why. So they are looking at just pain management. I don't think its sunk in yet. So obviously that sessions focus has changed. I asked her to book another one when she's there. This dr helps her a lot and she's gonna need the support.
wehav2day is offline  
Old 10-13-2013, 01:04 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Living and Loving Life at Last
 
tootsl1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,152
Wehav, I feel for your partner and you for what you both will be dealing with. Pease feel free to share anything here as you are dealing. Shoes has recently been through similar and lifetplant lost her mother earlier this year, so we understand the pain of having someone we love going through this, some much more than others.

DD I totally understand your fears and predicament. If only there was a strong pain medication which wasn't potentially addictive and doesn't #### with our heads. I also understand your psychiatrist, she is advising controlled medication which can be tapered, so as to prevent you reaching a point of desperation which may have you reaching out for something much worse with unpredictable consequences. I also understand your mother. She is not an addict, she knows you don't have an opiate addiction, so in her mind it is relatively simple.

My feeling her DD, and please tell me I. Wrong if I am. But you are more frightened of a return to who you were than any amount of pain. I feel that what you are blinding yourself to, is how strong you really are. I believe you have it within you, to alter how you see these meds. Instead of being something to fear, which may lead to repeating past mistakes, I know you can make yourself realise that they are a necessary, temporary help. Is there a way to take them mostly at night so, not only do you sleep, but you do not consciously get a high?
If however, you genuinely do not feel you have the inner strength just now to accept medication, then accept all the offers of friendship and help, allow humility, it is no bad emotion to accept into our lives, and use the time to get to know your AA friends better.

Whatever you decide, you also have us in the ether. Pretty useless I know, but for late night dreads, moans and groans, we are the perfect companions. And we also care!
tootsl1 is offline  
Old 10-13-2013, 08:43 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Saskia's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,280
WeHav, I'm sending thoughts of strength to you and your partner. It sounds like she is going through a lot and is reaching out for help. That's a good sign! I don't think we ever need to stop growing even when we become elderly. As long as we leave ourselves open to change. I've heard that humans are capable of many changes and that it typically comes in spurts: a period of change (big or small) is then followed by a period of integration where we start to integrate the changes into our normal lives.

DD, I think Toots' thoughts are right on in so many ways! I think there are things the docs can do if they are aware there is an issue. This is not a time to withhold info from your doc because it can hurt you. I have had two surgeries in the past 4 years. Luckily they weren't outrageously painful but I was concerned about pain meds. Years ago I taught myself self-hypnosis for pain control and that has helped me a great deal. I did take a small quantity of pain meds and was ok but I did a lot of "self talk" and stayed very aware. That might not work for someone else! I still think it is a very risky thing for me.
Saskia is offline  
Old 10-13-2013, 09:30 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
360shoes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
I'm so sorry WeHave. That's going to be tough for your partner. I know. One thing that was huge for me going through something similar was when the people who cared about me just let me be me. I had a lot on my plate so it was good when my friends helped me when they could but also let me get what I needed to get done done. The last thing I needed was feeling guilty about not being a good friend when the truth was sometimes I just had to suck it up and be strong for someone else. I hope your partner let's people help her. She will need it even if she feels she doesn't.

One thing I learned was what a help it was when someone just did something I needed without me even asking. This may not apply to your situation but as I look back I see that when someone close to me just took care of the smallest thing I needed without me asking it was huge! Like if I needed a truck to move something for my parents. Instead of me asking a bunch of people can I borrow a truck, I had a friend who knew I needed a truck to get my mom's dresser moved from her room to my house. She just went and got one and then said she and her boyfriend were picking it up and bringing it over. What time do you want it? Lots of people ask if you need anything when times are tough but when someone just sees something and gets it done for you it's huge. I had so many decisions to make on some days I would get where I couldn't decide which socks to wear. I now know why people bring food to someone during these times. The simple act of cooking and eating can be overwhelming. If I have a friend going through something like this I will just clean their cats litter box for them, pick up their dry cleaning, or bring them some groceries just because I know what it is like to need help, not know how to ask for it, or think I can just do it all even when I can't. I would ask what do you need and not wait for them to tell me what they need, how to do it, or when to do it. I would just say consider it done. Now go do the important things up you need to do. Helping someone do the simple things so they can focus on the important things is a big deal when you have big things to worry about.

Just what I learned. May not apply to you and your partner like I said. Regardless, I'm so sorry about her Dad. I'm glad you aren't drinking so you can be there for her. I'm glad she is getting help. It ain't easy watching someone you care about have a hard time. I care about you too. (((Hug)))
360shoes is offline  
Old 10-13-2013, 10:53 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
360shoes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
And here's my 2 cents for you DD.

That sucks!!! I would be scared too. I would be all are you kidding me?? I just went through hell and back and now I have to deal with either being in pain or taking a drug I could get addicted to?? That's it?? My only 2 choices?? I don't like either choice. Go back to doctor school and find me one I can work with!! Ugh!!

I don't know. I do know that for me pain pills were never my thing but I had been known to take one on occasion just for the high. I've taken them when I was in pain and when I wasn't. Nothing to mess with unsupervised for sure. However, for me, when I was actually in pain, they didn't produce the same affect. Eventually my body recovered and stopped being in pain and then it was decision time. I could easily see where if I liked how it changed how I felt or shut me down, I'd be in trouble. And to be honest, I did like that. I was just always to lazy to go bs a doctor to get more when the liquor store was easier.

On a positive note though. I have a friend that was born with juvenile arthritis. She has had about every joint replaced that is needed for walking...a couple of times on some. I think that because she was born that way and has always had to deal with pain since she was little she has a tolerance like no other. After her knee replacements, she had an arsenal of pain killers including fentanyl. sp? She is a nurse so she can get whatever she needs whenever she wants. I picked up her prescriptions once for her after a surgery and the pharmacist was like does she know what she has here??? I said yes, she knows.

She hardly takes anything. She threw more drugs away then Keith Richards knew existed. She also always told me that she could tell the difference between need something fixed pain and surgery recovery pain. Surgery recovery pain is easier because she knew it would improve. Getting fixed pain is worse. She just had her knee done again and she is all happy because even though she still hurts about the same it's a different kind of hurt. She takes Aleve and that's it. Wth?? It just tells me that the human spirit is pretty amazing. She's not a saint. She could have been a pain pill addict just as much as anyone else. She just has no interest in shutting down her feelings or going through life chasing a high. She just wants to manage pain if she needs to.

So maybe you just need to focus on managing the getting waiting to get fixed pain. Then focus on the body recovery pain when it's time to focus on that. Break it down. That helps me.

Jmo but I think there is a big difference in being dependent upon a drug and being addicted to it. Probably most people who get pain killers risk a dependence but the doctors can help with that if people are honest. Addiction is when we get to the point we like how it shuts down our feelings or we chase the high. Nothing to do with pain or no pain. And when I took them I knew the reason I took every single one of them. I knew if it was I hurt and I knew when it was I want to be high. I always knew.

Whatever you do just don't do it alone. And it sounds like you have so many people who will help you every step of the way. (((Hug)))
360shoes is offline  
Old 10-13-2013, 05:18 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
Marcher13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Good morning Marchers. The Bake Show was a complete dud but that's OK we rocked on into the city and spent three hours in my favourite bookshop in the world then had a picnic on the harbour. DH and I felt like country bumpkins which was funny as we were both born there and grew up there but it's sooo fast and furious now.

Wehav I am sorry about your partner's dad, do talk to us whenever you need to.
DD I understand why your Mom supports taking the drugs, she doesn't want to see you in pain it's so hard for a mother to see her baby in pain, but you must do what is right and best for you after a considered decision.

Have a good and sober day Marchers.
Marcher13 is offline  
Old 10-13-2013, 06:21 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
Marcher13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
PS I got quite distressed each time we saw a homeless guy yesterday. I don't know if it cut close to the bone now that I'm sober or what, but I used to feel gentle sorrow for these guys, yesterday I actually teared up each time and found myself wondering about their circumstances.
Marcher13 is offline  
Old 10-13-2013, 07:19 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Probably my living room. Maybe my bedroom if I'm feeling lazy
Posts: 1,085
Wehav - Sorry to hear about your partner's dad's diagnosis. I usually don't know what to do or say in these types of situations, but I've always been told just being there for them counts the most. I'm stubborn and hate people helping me, but it is always nice when I receive a call or a text from a friend just checking in to say hi and that they're thinking of me.

Toots - I think I got a little ahead of myself regarding the meds. There is no plan yet. No specific meds were even suggested. I just kind of got shell-shocked. It felt like when I first got the diagnosis. It takes some time for me to process things. I'm taking a book from Wehav and just tabling it for now until I speak to more specialists and make my concerns known. No need for off the cuff decisions and reactions now.

Shoes - Your friend sounds awesome! I have a pretty high tolerance for pain, which has led to problems in the past because I don't complain or speak up until medical things have gotten really bad. If I had just said something earlier, I could have saved myself a lot of trouble and pain.

This time, I am trying to be honest and humble. I am not trying to be the silent hero in pain.

I'm hoping I will go to work tomorrow. I really need to go in. Just suck it up. Maybe I'll just come in late.

Marcher - A picnic on the harbor sounds amazing! I've never actually been to a picnic. I'm that much of a city boy.

I used to be pretty immune to the homeless, as they are everywhere where I live. But since I got sober, I definitely have more empathy. I see issues of alcoholism and substance abuse, and how that easily could have been me. And it could still be me if I pick up again. But I'm still hesitant to give money because I don't want to enable someone's habit. But we regularly allow homeless people into our AA meetings if they have the desire to get sober. They are treated with respect and are offered help the way we offer to help any newcomer. I've heard so many stories of alcoholics and drug addicts who lived on the street but were able to get sober and get their lives back on track. I heard a great one last night about a woman who abandoned her two young kids to live on the streets and shoot heroin and drink. She got finally clean, got her kids back, and opened her own recovery house with her fiancé. So inspiring.
digdug is offline  
Old 10-14-2013, 04:21 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
Saskia's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,280
Good morning, Marchers!

Shoes, that's a great way to help people in difficult situations. So many of us don't like to ask for help and when someone asks "What can I do?", it can be just plain overwhelming to have to do yet one more thing - figure out what to have that person do. Having someone "just do it" during a difficult time is an incredible gift.

Marcher, sorry The Bake Show was a dud but it sounds like you had a lovely time at the book store and picnic :-). It is very hard to see homeless folks. I feel that can happen to any one of us so that makes it especially uncomfortable to see. The hard part for me is that I want to do something about it but don't even know where to start. Giving them money is an enabler, IMHO. Perhaps a better way is to support organizations that help the homeless, or volunteer with an organization that helps the homeless.

Perhaps because of our own struggles with addiction, we as a group are more frightened of being homeless than non-addicts.

DD, I'm glad that AA welcomes all. It's so important that everyone feels there is somewhere they can land. Although I'm not actively engaged with AA now, I have attended in the past and it's always good to know that it's "there" if I need it. Although I havenn't been in your shoes, I have suffered with serious pain from different causes at several times in my life. The last episode went from last October until I had surgery this past May. I suspect that there are many others who have. I am in NO way minimizing what you are going through, DD! I mention this in the sense that, as bad as it is, there is an end in sight. That's cold comfort when we are in serious pain but it is nevertheless true!

I feel really sorry for people in chronic pain who have no hope of getting better. I can't imagine how that must feel. Well, perhaps a very tiny bit. Years ago I had a condition that resulted in periodic horrendous pain. It only lasted for about 1/2 hour but it was brutal. I knew what caused it but didn't want the surgery that would fix it because of other effects. Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night with the pain at full blast. I had previously learned self-hypnosis and started using that. Using that and visualization together, I was able to dampen the pain enough that it was not too bad and it shortened it to maybe 15-20 minutes. Still not pleasant but better to me than the alternative. That lasted for about 20 years but was manageable. There can sometimes be non-invasive, non-drug ways to help. It may not work for you. But it can also help during the worst of it to do slow, deep breathing and keep on telling youself that "this is temporary" and "this will get better".

The challenge for you is to figure out what works best for you to get through this!
Saskia is offline  
Old 10-14-2013, 06:53 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
Babs1234's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 4,669
I'm sorry Marchers---I slipped. I'll be back after i get my S---- together.
bye for now.
I feel like crap and very, very sad.
Babs
Babs1234 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:12 AM.