James55

I started drinking at about 13 or 14 years of age. My first alcohol was a warm beer out back of my parents house. My dad was an alcoholic. He and my mom would go out and he would come back drunk. He would then proceed to abuse my mother physically and verbally. I would hide in my room and hope nobody got hurt until the fighting stopped. It was about this time that I started running away from home and stealing cars. My parents finally separated and I went on to high school. I did a bit of drinking then. Every time I drank I got drunk. I eventually dropped out of school in my senior year. Shortly after I went into the army and became a helicopter machine gunner. I did some drinking while still stateside but it hadn't become a problem yet. Then came Vietnam and lots of drugs and cheap booze. As you can imagine speed, weed, downers and beer became pretty much a daily event but I managed to hold it together. Towards the end of my tour there I began to fall apart. By the time I came back state side I weighed less than 110 pound. Then I began to do IV drugs. A bit of heroin,lsd,and lots of speed and very soon I caught Hep C from dirty needles. Somehow I managed to exit the military honorably and it was on. The lying,cheating,stealing and all the other things addicts do.
In 1985 I moved to California where I met my wife at a birthday party for her and her son. Her first words to me were "the beer is in the kitchen". She had unlimited credit at a local liquor store and the party was on. With all the drugs and booze I could ingest. I later started trying to get clean by hanging out at Na but not doing the steps. The next several years saw me making vain attempts but for not more than a year at a time and in 1996 I saw my co-worker murdered in a store robbery while we were working.I was diagnosed with major depression and a severe case of ptsd and was put on a ton of psyc meds and antidepressants by the va. I stayed that way until June of 2000 when I went to what was going to be my final attempt at getting clean and I got my first sponsor there. I wanted to get clean so I could pass a drug test for a job and I planned to go back to using after that. Little did I know that I was never to use or drink again. In 2003 my wife got sober and stayed that way until her death from cancer in august 2009. Sice then I have been through some rough patches with depression and was also diagnosed with bipolar disease but with understanding and caring friends in the program I made it through even though at times I wanted to check out. I have recently gotten a new sponsor again. That's where changes in my life began and continue. Through the 12 steps. My clean date June 6 2000