tate9685

Im grateful that this is DAY 1 and not the END. Even though I gave in to my disease and drank last night, I am grateful that I woke up in my own bed and not in jail or the emergency room. Even though I missed work today because I was so hungover and tired, I am grateful that I wasn't fired on the spot for calling in sick too many times. I was horrible to my boyfriend last night and I am grateful that he still loves me today and hasn't given up on me yet. I am grateful that I did not try to kill myself last night even though I wanted to. I am grateful for my health and my family. I miss my daughter because at 18 she would rather live with friends than with a Mom who still struggles with alcohol. I am grateful that she doesn't yet hate me.

FenwayFaithful

I am grateful that you are safe and did not do much damage, the outcome could have been much worse.
I think the question you need to ask yourself next time you go to pick up that drink is "Will this be the time I lose my boyfriend or my daughter or my life?" because it can very easily, very quickly get to that point. We run out of chances at some point.
You're sober today and that is fantastic. You seem to have a lot of really wonderful things in your life. Believe me, even at only just under 90 days I see how much I have to lose so much clearer than I did when I was drinking when I thought f*** life I have NOTHING worth living for. Which wasn't true but hell the alcohol made me believe it was. Tricky ******* it is.
Alcohol can stay the hell out of my life, I'll take EVERYTHING ELSE!
Take it easy, don't beat yourself up for yesterdays mistakes. But you realize what you have today in this moment & sobriety will only make that all so much better. Alcohol is pure evil in a bottle.
I'm curious as to your history with alcohol and sobriety? Have you been in treatment? I'm really young, both in age and sobriety but I 've been trying to get sober for a couple of year now and it didn't finally happen until I really made changes, went to rehab, when to a program, started therapy...life changes are sooo vital, wanting to stop is HUGE wanting to stop is the first step but you also have to take the steps TO stop. I personally don't attend AA right now but I do have my own methods of recovery. It's important to develop those!
Best of luck to you, I'm rooting for you I hope I don't come off sounding like I am lecturing you

PS- It's a long slow, painful road but slowly as you get sober as you stop doing the things you do when alcohol takes over, you start to gain trust back...I still got a long way to go myself but it's happening.

ElegantlyWasted

Gongrats on day 1! It gets easier. And... Welcome. You have your Daughter's whole Adult life in front of you and amazing opportunities. Stick around and let us know if we can help.

Dee74

Welcome back Tate
do you have a plan to stay sober this time?

D

Hevyn

Hi Tate. I'm glad you posted about what happened. You never have to go back to that dark place again - you can have a whole new beginning. I hope you'll keep posting, especially when you're tempted. We know you can get free.

Rusty Zipper

hope you made it though this day tate,

and do hope you never see some of those yets!

newby1961

I am so glad that you made it back to talk about it cause many don't. I for one had a very hard time with keeping the plug in the jug so to speak. The more I messed around trying to prove like I could drink like other people the more damage I did to myself as well as anyone who happened to be in my life at the time. Unfortunately it was usually my loved ones over & over. So instead of picking up just cause your head tells you to try and do the next thought that comes into your head like calling someone, or coming on here and reaching out for support like you are now. It is no good to talk about relapsing after you have done it is more productive if you do it before you pick up. I myself never called anyone cause I didn't want anyone to talk me out of it cause I just wasn't done yet. Till I was done there was nothing that anyone could say or do that would help.
Keep coming back no matter what.

tate9685

Thank you Fenway for your comments. I agree with all of it. The problem with alcohol addiction is that we have to be reminded ALOT that it can ruin our lives and kill us. We (or at least I) will take those chances when the craving is strong and poof I instantly FORGET or choose to put out of my mind...the last drunk and the terrible possibilities. It is truly Poison and Evil for me. My history is first went into AA in 2001...been trying to stay sober off and on...but mostly have binge drank throughout this time. I may stay sober for a few months and then start back to once a week and then more...I have never been in long term in patient treatment but have been in ER and short dry out time in hospital a few times. I dont have health insurance and cant afford to take a month off from work. I am making a commitment to come to this site everday and go to AA at least on the weekends. Thanks again for your concern.

tate9685

Thanks for the encouragement Elegantly Wasted ( I like that user name btw). I needed to be reminded that I still can make happy memories with my daughter as she is an adult.

tate9685

Thanks Hevyn for your welcome back. My plan for now is to post here and read everyday and to go to AA on the weekends. I am also reading a great book that someone recommended on this site: "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp.

tootsl1

Tate it's never too late to start reliving. Just decide that today is the day you begin your new journey, and look for all the help you can find to get you on your way.
Good luck

tate9685

So True Newby about picking up the phone. Maybe it is easier to come here instead of calling someone, because I like you have not wanted someone to talk me out of it...but I am beginning to think that I do want to be talked out of it. It isn't fun anymore. I seem to get ill in the head after the first drink...I dont feel good..just start to feel a bit crazy.