Dee74

we continue from here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-7-a-20.html

D

MeSoSober

Booya!!!

MeSoSober

DAY 25

Packing up to go to the parental units this weekend for Easter. Gonna see my great-niece for the first time, do a little kayaking (just a calm, small lake -- no whitewater!) and hang out. Church on Sunday (I pretty much only go to church when I'm home for a visit. Should be nice.

The AV was whispering in my ear last night. Not strong urges, but mild ones kinda throughout the evening.

Aaaaaand that's pretty much it.

Have a great day my wonderful friends and love to all!

forabetterlife

Good morning everyone - One month sober today! I know it is just the tip of the iceburg, but I feel good and I am proud of myself. I still get some cravings daily- I know some of you don't at this point..lucky you! They do get easier though..basically when I think I want to go buy some wine, I just think of the whole process: buying it, sneaking the wine opener in to my bedroom so my kids don't see, pouring it into a glass that ISN'T a wine glass (there goes the grown up aspect of it), and taking a few chugs here and there and hiding it behind something on my dresser. How gross, non-glamorous, and not the mother I want to be. This scenario is with at least one of my kids at home, which, 95% of the time, is the case. If they arent' home, it's more difficult.

Anyway, just wanted to share my strategy. I love being present, every moment for my kids. I love making a stupid mistake and realizing it was just a stupid mistake and not because I was drinking. I love not being utterly exhausted from too much alcohol and not enough rest night before. I love NOT havin guilt, shame, or secrets.

We went to my mother's house for dinner last night. I could smell alcohol on her breath. Over the years, she used to berate me for drinking. I never told her I was quitting but she hasn't seen me drink since she moved here 7 months ago and never said a word about it. I don't think she has a problem with it necessarily, but it bothers me that she would always point out that I drank too much, yet drinks in front of me, or before I come over, and never comments on the fact that I haven't. Oh well.

Sorry for the rambling, just some thougths ..

Have a great Saturday

tootsl1

Booya! Mesoso, have a lovely weekend!
Forabetterlife ,I used to keep an extra bottle in the kitchen when we had a drink, so I could top up! Like you I drank from a tumbler, my reason was I kept knocking over stem glasses when I was drunk, and hubby would have noticed them missing!
I am so glad none of that will ever be a problem again! Like you I am glad my mistakes or clumsiness are just that!

chuff1

Morning/evening to all you beautiful Marchers
Day 27
Just a very quick post as this "old boy" needs to get used to nights/work again and is going to return to his bed!
Huge congrats to all you sober peeps and newbies
For all off you struggling please stay close to SR.....post an post again, someone, somewhere will help in ways that as yet you dont know

This sober Marcher is tired, but content,,and as mentioned by bepresent and shoes earlier, keeping the promise made to myself, never to drink again, everything else that follows, personal growth etc is totally dependent on me, keeping that simple, but at the same time hugely difficult promise, and this marcher truely believes that he will

Stay safe and well peeps

Love you all Mick

phebe

Good Morning Marchers!!

What a great name we have, don't you think? It contributes to my strength in this: Marching Toward Recovery. We are not Februaring or Apriling, we are MARCHING.

And I think that visualization is going to to help me for a long long time.... What a gift to become sober this month!!

It is now 3 weeks today and my body is thanking me... rewarding me... with feelings of health and clarity.

I'm working thru the acceptance of being a non drinker in a drinking world. Letting go of my romance with it, the jealousy of its ongoing partnership with others, finding my validity without it. Someone once said here you learn to just order your selzer or ice tea and that's that. Life goes on.

As as the fog lifts with each sober passing day, I realize there is a New Life to be lead without the artificial high..... And it's Good.

Happy Easter weekend, friends.

yestofreedom

going to gym today
makes me sleepy and clear
going to see how this gets me to focus

yestofreedom

hopefulme

totally know what you are saying
welcome here!

JCMalta

my second sober day, things are a bit better than yesterday. A daily walk and some physical training makes my day better. I have noticed that what I gain in 1 week training I lose it all in a day (when I drink). Lots of 1st and 2nd days for me, hope this gets better.

360shoes

I seriously considered posting a bunch of times just to be 501 but then I decided that would be cheating.

Thanks Marcher for the create reminder. I'm taking it as a sign! I just cleaned out a room that has been nothing but a catch all and was full of junk and I found my old camera bag..then you shared what you shared. I'm going to blow off the cobwebs and see what developes. Then I'm taking a box of alcohol paraphernalia to the donation box. Along with a truck load of stuff that was in the cat bedroom. Call it the cat bedroom because they were the only ones brave enough to go in there. I'm saving the pretty crystal things that came from my family but I'm pretty sure I will not be needing 3 ice buckets and 15 wine stoppers. Toots, I was like you. I've broke a lot of glasses. In fact I have only 1 left out of the 8 beautiful ones my grandmother gave me. There were many times I just poured it in a water bottle like the kind you take to the gym. I might have actually taken it to the gym full of wine come to think of it. Classy.

For those of you who celebrate Easter or Passover, I wish you a joyous holiday!

I wish I knew who said this but I don't but I don't want to take credit for it so in full disclosure...it wasnt me...

The only difference between who you are and who you want to be is the things you do.

360shoes

Congratulations Forabetterlife! Sounds like you got what your screen name was looking for. You should be proud!

ArgentOfSilvae

Hey all,

So fairly busy day, did some cleaning around the house and decided to finally get around putting some unused old tech ip on eBay. Which was a much better idea than it was in practice, went digging in the "stuff" room for the boxes they came in, ended up only matching 2 items to there original boxes (the other one i put up for auction regardless). Only managed to get 3 items up in around 4 hours, hardly efficient,

I very seriously debated putting up more items but just couldn't bring myself to sell my old consoles (though i did put up my 2 ds handhelds) so they remain in the stuff room being unloved, maybe I will dig them out one weekend soon..,

if they sell (hopefully) the money will go towards paying off bills, if they don't well.. They can sit aroun collecting dust for a bit longer.

Anywho a bit of a productive day atleast, even had my dad down earlier who does nothing but talk about drinking and managed to get through to the other side without any issues.

Now to plan my evening...

Panache

Dear all,

I'm sorry to report that I have failed at the first hurdle. At approximately 2pm today I had 2 glasses of wine. I don't have any excuse or reasons and don't intend to make any, purely, I just wanted a drink. If I'm truly honest with myself I knew all week I'd drink today and made no attempt to put in place barricades to prevent myself.

How sh*te a feel isn't even worth mentioning, but the self loathing wasn't worth the 2 glasses let me tell you.

Tomorrow will again be my day 1, clinging on by a thread to the Marchers (with it being the 31st tomorrow).

The embarrassment and shame is apparent, but knew I had to come on here, be honest and face the music.

Positives: I needed the slip to know that I cannot moderate (no matter what I tell myself, it's just not worth it - what a stupid idea in the first place) and any depression I had in the week doesn't compare to the guilt and "gutted" feeling I'm experiencing now. I've not only let myself down, but you guys too.

Anyhow, onwards and upwards, tomorrow is a new day and hopefully my last "Day 1".

360shoes

I'm just going to throw one more thing out there before I go do something productive. I really love how everyone is sharing what is working for them and what isn't. It's a huge help to me. Since I just take bits and pieces here and there from all methods and try to keep doing what is working and let something that isn't go, I think it is important to share and listen and try it all. Some people are finding solutions in one method or another and maybe some are like me..buffet method. I thinks it's like if we were all fighting cancer. Some of us may have the same cancer and some of us have a different one. But everyone is different. I would never tell someone my chemo works better than theirs so I won't do it here.

What helps me a lot is that I realized I have to learn to love all aspects of myself. Right Toots? If we can't love ourselves how can we expect anyone else to do it. I love that one and I have to really work on that. Many of you sound like you already know how to do that and I'm learning from you. I've been called a perfectionist and that always made me cringe. In my mind I'm pleaser who doesnt like to let anyone down and does nothing right and I'm the first to beat myself up before anyone else can. I have done that since I was a little girl. I have to work really hard on loving all aspects of me. Pleasant and not so pleasant. Including cravings. To me and me only, they are a part of me just as much as anything else and if I demonize that part it feels to me just like my old self beating up my old self. I'm very uncomfortable with hating but then I realized Im uncomfortable hating people or animals or any living thing but I'm just fine with hating on an inanimate object like alcohol. If I'm going to hate on anything I'm pointing that taser at alcohol. My brother was a cop and he told me that they all had to get tasered so they knew what it felt like. He said it felt like when you get the worst cramp you've ever had in your calf except its every muscle in your body. It will drop you to your knees. He told me that anyone who's ever been tasered will usually stop dead in their tracks just hearing the click click click sound it makes before it even goes off. So Im going to keep my invisible taser gun in my back pocket and d*mn it I will use it mr/ms alcohol. dont let the door hit you in the a**. I just can't point it at myself anymore.

Oh and bf just called said he was making his famous paella for he and I and fried chicken for my parents for Easter. What a sweetheart. My first reaction...ugh I was just b*tching about he's not romantic blah blah blah and I'm rotten, selfish and ungrateful for even thinking that. No I'm not rotten, selfish, and ungrateful. I'm just human and I was just sharing in a safe environment how I felt at the time. Oh, oh it's raining gifts! Just got a text from old friend haven't seen in years and she says she got 15 months! Didn't even know she quit.

I love you all. Thank you so much for being here. I learn just as much from those starting a new day 1 as I do from those with many days. I learn just as much no matter how you are doing it.

10-4

Sunds

Hi Panache....
I read your post about your relapse and felt a bit bad for you....But then that is ok....We have all had relapses before getting a solid foothold into recovery....I am sober for over 5 years now but was in and out of recovery for about 2 years before that.....I do not know if I should suggest this to you but my experience has been that you should try to discover your own GOD.....Becoming spiritual makes you stronger and gives courage....Start active AA meetings immediately....Online forums is only a stop gap arrangement but actual forums where you see other winners in flesh and blood gives hope...
Take Care,
Sunder.

clight

Hello, everyone!

Congrats 2 all of you starting from day 1 to one month I am on day 3 and would have been on day 30 today if I had not slipped but it's another learning experience for me. I know this was asked before but, honestly I forgot...... Do we continue in April with people just starting out? I am asking because I made some great friends in this group/month of Marcherss and would love to continue chatting, reading and posting with us March ers! I will bb this evening to catch up but for now a long walk is calling my name.

360shoes

Well I was going to bail but I can't now. Panache, I think it is extra hard for someone young like you and the other younger ones. It's not fair to be hit with addiction at a time when everyone else is doing it and you are in the part of your life where you are just learning about yourself. It is easier for me because as I get older i have more people around that don't drink than do. Don't go anywhere and stick with us. Tomorrow is another day. Don't be mean to yourself.

tootsl1

Clight, we go on as us hon.
Panache I think Sunds makes sense, much as you love us and we here love you, I feel you need more help to deal than we can supply. I know you can't get to meetings, but as has been said here before, there are online meetings including here on SR. You need to do more to help yourself if you are going to beat this thing.
Like shoes, my heart goes out to you young ones dealing at your age, but as I said before, that just means you will have so much longer sober to really live!!! Love you sweetie x

Panache

Sunds, shoes and toots thank you so much for your advice.

I agree with everything you say, although SR is a brilliant resource and support, I do need more in my day-to-day life to keep me sober, as my will power alone is not enough.

Toots. I have located an AA meeting a little further from my home and am going to invest in taxi fares to get there (it would probably average my weekly drinking allowance anyway).

Sunds, the thing is, I'm not entirely religious, I've been brought up an atheist pretty much, but have an agnostic streak in me, which I've acquired from reading Richard Matheson novels - mainly "What dreams may come". I'm not sure I believe in the idea of a Christian God, but think I believe in something else, certainly a Higher Power, something.

Thank you so much for your support. I do apologise for letting the marchers down, but will endeavour to make amends tomorrow as I don't want to leave this group as you have been a massive help to me.

I think what it comes down to, is being more committed, more honest and really putting my heart and soul into it (perhaps earlier I never, there was always a niggling excuse for me, maybe my age and naivety was a factor in that).

Here's to tomorrow guys, a new day and a new start, I just hope I haven't damaged my "reputation" (using the term loosely) on this thread as I love you all and don't want to leave.

Strength and love friends, hope you're having a splendid evening and thanks for being there as always.