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Class of May 2012 part 18

Old 02-25-2013, 04:20 AM
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Class of May 2012 part 18

continues from here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-17-a-20.html

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Old 02-25-2013, 04:24 AM
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Shotgun. And I'm at my desk in the office!
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Old 02-25-2013, 04:27 AM
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It's too late for me to get into a discourse on God Em, but I know I blamed God for a lot of things, or at least held him accountable.

I see now some of the bad things were my fault, some of them were down to other people, and some were just bad things that happened spontaneously.

I don't know for sure whether God was responsible or not, but I choose to believe not - I believe in a loving god, not a vengeful one...so everything else falls into line behind that for me.

Thats my story anyway

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Old 02-25-2013, 04:28 AM
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LOL...did you skid into the seat Jeni?

night all

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Old 02-25-2013, 04:33 AM
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Good morning, Mayans!

Em, good to see your post. It's hard to see you struggling but you sound like you are pulling things together. I do know how hard it can be (me, the relapse queen) but I don't think it's ever hopeless. We just need to keep on adding things, as Dee advises, until we find a combination tha works for us. I hope you'll find yours soon.

SoberJane, I'm really glad to see you sticking around. You can do this!

Rock good buddy, your pics are sensational :-). I'm looking forward to another one from you as I pile up the weeks and months. Believe me when I say that I know you care! I appreciate your honoring my request to hold back this one time. I'm open to dietary/nutritional suggestions but need to limit it to that for the time being until I see if this works. I'm one of those stubborn and impatient people who goes shooting up the wall when I'm told what seems obvious to me and then I overreact to well-meaning suggestions and end up feeling worse because of that. My problem, not anyone else's! You are so tactful and kind and I want you to know how much I value you!

Jeni, I certainly don't have any problems at all with you talking about your issues and what's going on with you. I firmly believe that we all have multiple issues and they can be very different but working on them is part of our healing process. So no issues with me about your posts. I sometimes wish I could do more to help but if listening and supporting is the best I can do, then I'm happy to listen and support. That goes for everyone here!

AFM: my depression is definitely lifting so that's a good thing. This stubborn cuss just doesn't give up so I will be sticking around at least until I get it right. Hoo boy, I hope that's very soon!
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Old 02-25-2013, 04:37 AM
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Woo, congrats Jenny!

Dee, you timed that switch right as I was writing my post so when i hit "submit reply" i got message "thread closed".

Luckily I knew I should be able to cut and paste but had never tried it. If it hadn't worked you would have been on my s!!t list ;-)
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Old 02-25-2013, 04:39 AM
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Even I have to sleep sometimes Sas

glad you saved it

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Old 02-25-2013, 05:04 AM
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This is going to be tricky to say the right way. I mean absolutely what I say and I in no way mean to offend anyone. Jeni this whole website is for those struggling to stay sober. This thread is the only thread specifically for those who got sober in may 2012. I'm not saying AT ALL that those struggling should not be posting here. But if your issues are relevant anywhere, it's here. You're issues are just as important as anyone's on this thread. I'm certainly going to keep posting about what I'm experiencing whether it is sobriety related or not. Because it all is sobriety related. And this is where we should feel the safest "spilling" our emotions. So lay it on us!
And congrats on being 9 months away from your last drink!
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Old 02-25-2013, 06:02 AM
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OLL, glad you are supporting Jeni in her struggles, as you support all of us. I think your post is spot on. The only minor note I would add is that it's my understanding that the May 2012 thread is for those who joined in that month in order to become sober. That said, we've had a variety of folks join us at different times. I am not at all offended by your comments. For those of us who have struggled to stay sober longer than others, it's not the same as starting all over again. I find that I keep learning and the posts from those who have stayed sober continuously are just as relevant. We're all in the same boat, girlfriend and I think that's terrific :-)

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Old 02-25-2013, 06:23 AM
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Good Morning All,

Wow - a lot of posts since Sunday morning! Thank you for all of the congratulations on 7 months of sobriety. I didn't manage to pick up my chip because I was feeling too ill. This evening my sponsor is picking me up and taking me to an early dinner and then to her women's meeting. I do feel better today - thank goodness.

HRB - That dog picture was priceless! You know I love anything animal related

Jeni - Congratulations on 9 months of sobriety7

Wishing everyone a good day! I hope to post more later.
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Old 02-25-2013, 06:37 AM
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I'm not meaning to sound so nitpicky but if you look at the first page of the February thread, it says for those who are quitting alcohol or drugs this month. Not those who joined SR this month. I just feel like there needs to be a sacred place for people with ongoing sobriety to be able to share what issues they're working on (less related to becoming sober) now that they're been sober for awhile and if its not in their class tread, then where? After a year there is an over a year thread but were still three months away from that. I don't want anyone to think that they're not able to be upset or need to vent or feel lees than strong out loud here because they feel bad that others are still struggling with becoming sober. Again I'm not saying anyone should not post where they feel comfortable. I just don't want anyone to miss out on all this great site and these great people have to offer.
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Old 02-25-2013, 06:57 AM
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OLL, it sounds like you really don't want those of us still struggling to post here. I think that is a short-sighted view because I think it's the very mix that is so healthy. I don't think anyone has ever said or implied that people who have been sober longer feel inhibited about posting their issues when others are still struggling with sobriety. There's a lot more involved than strictly number of days, weeks or months sober. I've had many years sober and many years as an extremely light drinker. I think I can probably better understand Jeni's issues than most because of the trauma I suffered.

It now seems quite clear that you don't want me here. For those that are currently sober, those of us who are not are probably a reminder to you of what could happen to you and that can be an uncomfortable feeling. Good luck to you in staying sober for the long term.
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Old 02-25-2013, 07:12 AM
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Ps to OLL

With your first post I gave you the benefit of the doubt. Your second post made your opinion abundantly clear. I think you are nitpicking about the month issue and I see it as an excuse because you are uncomfortable about what you think of as "rambling". I've never considered it such and believe strongly in your right to talk about what matters to you. To set arbitrary limits the way you want to will, IMHO be the slow death of this thread. I think it's the very diversity that you seem to dislike so much that gives this thread it's strength.

You've just made a number of us feel unwelcome -- myself, Em, SoberJane and anyone who might have wanted to return after a slip. By your definition, Lee shouldn't have come back here after his slip and yet he is a terrific example for all of us.

I think you need to think carefully about that narrow-minded pronouncement that you made.
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Old 02-25-2013, 07:13 AM
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I knew exactly this was going to happen. That's why I said it was tricky to say it right and said up front I didn't mean to offend anyone or make anyone feel they couldn't post here. So you can interpret it however you want saskia, but what you just portrayed in your last posts is grossly incorrect. Don't put words or thoughts in my mouth when i clearly said what i meant and intended. I wasnt putting arbitrary limits. I was making sure there were no limits by anyone. Jeni said she felt bad spilling her emotions here when so many were still struggling to get sober. All I wanted to express is that no one who has sobriety and is working on the next issues should feel bad about posting that here because they feel bad others are struggling to get sober. This in fact is where it should be posted.
I am not going to not support someone because it could be interpreted offensive though. I feel confident in what I mean and won't allow you to rile me up.
I'm also not going to get into a back and forth about this all day.
I hope everyone has a good day.
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Old 02-25-2013, 08:13 AM
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I think it goes without saying that anyone who has an issue to post about should feel free to do so, and that includes you, oLL. What got my dander up was when you quoted the wording from the February thread. I felt that you had clearly expressed your opinion and that seemed a lot like overkill to me.

I nearly didn't post about my last slip for the very reasons you noted. I privately discussed it with a member of our group who felt that everyone would be supportive. So somewhat against my better judgment, I did post. In hindsight, I wish I hadn't.

And, generally when people start off saying something like "This is going to be tricky to say the right way", it can be like waving a red flag in a bull's face. I'm not saying you meant it that way, just that for many, it can send hackles up before reading.

Personally, I don't believe that where we are in our growth is totally dependent on whether we have (or think we have) quit permanently. As I've discovered, as life progresses and none of us ever knows in advance if our life circumstances become such that we could pick up again. I tried some of the newer threads and they didn't fit for me at all.

Rest assured that I won't post about slips ever again.
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Old 02-25-2013, 08:23 AM
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I'd like to suggest to all that if we have an issue we feel is tricky, it would be sensible to run it by Dee via PM first and get his take on it. I think Dee can defuse things before they start and I believe that part of his function is to help untangle issues. So let's give him a chance (when he is awake) to give us some of his wonderful pearls!
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Old 02-25-2013, 08:40 AM
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Originally Posted by OneLessLonely View Post
I'm not meaning to sound so nitpicky but if you look at the first page of the February thread, it says for those who are quitting alcohol or drugs this month. Not those who joined SR this month. I just feel like there needs to be a sacred place for people with ongoing sobriety to be able to share what issues they're working on (less related to becoming sober) now that they're been sober for awhile and if its not in their class tread, then where?
OLL, I'm trying to understand where you're coming from. On the one hand I believe you said anyone should be able to post but in the above post you refer to a "sacred space for people with ongoing sobriety...". Please let me know if I'm missing something but that sounds to me like you want a thread that's only for people who have been sober for awhile. Am I misreading that? I'm trying to understand what it is that you are looking for. Let's say for example that Dee could and would set up a separate thread only for those who had stayed sober for x months.

How would it be handled if someone slipped after a considerable length of time (again Lee comes to mind). Do these people then get kicked off the thread?

I do understand your concerns but have questions about the practical implications. Personally, I also find it inspiring to be in a mixed group where I have a number of wonderful people who have been sober for awhile and are great examples and that includes you!

In my gastric bypass support group we have quite a mixture of people; some had their surgery 10 years ago, other a month ago. Since the issues for those under and over one year are very different, each meeting we start with one group and the next we start with the other and we learn from each other.
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Old 02-25-2013, 09:01 AM
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Yes I understood you OLL, I understood all are welcome whether they are on day 2 or day 280. The day 2s will be talking about being sober as a problem. The day 280s will be talking about life because that is where we are having issues. No one should feel bad about posting. I kinda felt bad about posting 9 month and 7 month congrats last night, but i let it go. We all are where we are and I accept that and will not let it stop me from celebrating milestones or from talking about non sobriety issues. I also understand the day 2s may feel very uncomfortable with this and I remind myself if they are, there is a February class availible to them.

For me, there was a time where there were too many slips that happened over a 24 hour period and I feared it would have a negative impact on my resolve. I really felt exposed and raw, like I would start thinking moderation is an option because others have drank and then were able to stop. I had to leave the thread for a while. This is life or death for me. As time went by, I got stonger and realized I have total control over this and was able to come back more solid.

I really think this thread is up to each of us individually. What we are willing to put in, and what benefit to our sobriety we gain from it. For me this is the best tool I have had to stay sober. It saved my life...You all saved my life. Ultimately I want to see everyone succeed.
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Old 02-25-2013, 09:10 AM
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Sas,
I say this with love, I think you are reading too much into it and making it personal. I know you already feel raw and hurt and yes it may feel like the right thing to do now, but lashing out is not going to help. Not you, not anyone else. Believe me, my early days I did plenty of it and I regret just about everything I posted in anger.

As far oking things with Dee... I think he has quite enough on his plate already.
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Old 02-25-2013, 09:19 AM
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Rock, no matter where I am in my sobriety, I think it's always appropriate and joyful to celebrate successes and most especially the great folks who succeed. That doen't take anything away from people like me who struggle and I have never felt uncomfortable or resentful about it. I know I will get there.

My main nit with what OLL said was that quote from her in my last post about wanting a sacred space for only those who were sober for awhile. I personally think we lose some richness from the intermixing of people going through different experiences. I don't see this as the same issue as, for example, the difference between a newbie who has just started on SR and someone who has been here but may still be struggling some of the time. Certainly in my situation it looks like the issue is most likely nutritional (there is a whole bunch of info to support this that I won't discuss because there are too many people who would at the very least know my family). I'm betting that my sobriety will be rock solid within a few weeks. So should I be excluded from this "sacred space" because my body is missing a few critical nutrients?

I also understand why you needed to pull back for a time. We all have different needs at different times. Overall, I think that the SR thread system works well for most people most of the time. If threads are splintered too far, I don't believe they are likely to survive for long.

I have strong opinions and if i feel that isn't working here, then I will move on for my own emotional health. Like most people, it's important for me to feel valued.



I do, however, understand the issues
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