Doing another step 4
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: 4th Dimension of existance
Posts: 175
Doing another step 4
I am with a new sponsor (due to moving) and am pretty new in my sobriety. She has me doing the steps again, and I don't mind it. I am willing to do all I can to stay sober. I learned the first time around about my fears and judgemental tendancies. I am sitting here, trying to go deeper into this step, as I feel that my thoughts were still so clouded the first time. I cannot believe all the things I left out because I really was just focused on the "big" things...when really, it's all "big". I really didn't want to put down on paper how resentful I am towards my late step mother, (she passed in 09) and my Dad (who is still living, but I'm a Daddy's girl) There are so many things from my childhood that I didn't want to include because I really thought I was "over it"...like, I didn't want to make a big deal out of things and believed I let them go.....or even the things as an adult that have to do with other people. This is not a scary step for me, just painful realization. Honestly, there really is no point in this post other than the hopes that someone else understands the guilt I feel in being resentful towards them, even though I know they love me.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
I just finished my fourth 4th step in 19 months, each with new insight and a different intent.
Keep making progress!
Maybe read a book called Shame & Guilt by Ernest Kurtz. We can be guilt free but never be shameless!
Keep making progress!
Maybe read a book called Shame & Guilt by Ernest Kurtz. We can be guilt free but never be shameless!
Fellow Traveler and Seeker
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 2,408
It's amazing what crops up when we go through the work again. I finished a second fourth (in 20 months) and it's funny how things came up that never came up the first time. I would be walking down the street and "bam" - something from the past jumps into my mind - a harm, a resentment, a fear. So this isn't 10th step stuff.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 449
My soul, when I first arrived at AA resembled one of those homes you'd see on hoarders. I had to start uncovering and discovering dirt - to reveal more dirt - which in and of itself revealed some trash underneath the dirt on top of dirt.
I try to "clean my room" daily, but often fall short. So stuff collects and an annual or bi-annual 4th is usually in order.
I try to "clean my room" daily, but often fall short. So stuff collects and an annual or bi-annual 4th is usually in order.
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