Wocso

It's day 23 and over the last 3 to 4 days its been really tough at night, the usual time I used to drink. Although, last night I went out for a work dinner and did not drink, did not even feel resentful about it.

Today, middle of the day a craving comes over me, thoughts of just a few to see how I will feel, will I crave more or will I feel ok to stop? I decide today I am tired of depriving myself, I am off to the store to buy some beer. As I am selecting the poison, it's like my body is detached from my brain, I want it so bad but I am almost in tears. I make it to the line up at the cash, I am next to pay and a horrible feeling in my stomach and shaking hands take over. I know this is bad...I walked away from the cashier and left the store...without my poison. I feel like I am going crazy.

While I am happy I did not buy any alcohol I am so sad and angry at myself. Why am I so weak, why do I have this problem, how can I be so happy to be almost a month without a drink but so angry at myself at the same time.
I know this is the right thing to do but sometimes it really sucks and can be much harder than I thought. I am worried that if I am in this weak state, the holidays are going to make me very grumpy to be around. There will be family and lots of alcohol around that I will not be ale to get away from. Not sure how I will stay strong. I think I need to get some exercise and clear my head, I feel like I want to cry.

Thanks for listening...

Wocso

Realize I put this in the wrong section but not sure how to move it...

Cariad2013

Hey Wocsc

I found your post becuase I'm struggling today and have spent the last 4 hrs looking every where on this site just because I'm scared to move away from the laptop.

Well done on leaving the store without the alcohol, that was a very brave thing to do, so close but yet you found the strenght to make the right choice.

Stay strong you have done 23 days only another 16 days to get through before the new year, new start. Do you really want to wake up new years day and have to start this awful journey all over again. I know I don't and this is coming from someone who is not sure I will make it through the weekend.

FeelingGreat

Wosco, I am in awe of you being able to walk away when you came so close. I'm sure the exercise of your willpower to pull yourself back from the edge like that will strengthen you for the future. So don't beat yourself up. Give yourself a huge pat on the back.
Your experience of getting through a work dinner ok, but being hit by a whammy in the middle of the day sounds familiar to me. I think we're able to armour ourselves in advance for things like dinners, but can be vulnerable when hit by an unexpected wave of craving. On a very practical level I have coped with cravings by:
- taking slow deep mindful breaths (never fails)
- substituting something I like eating or drinking, like freshly made juice
- not letting myself get too tired or hungry (could you have been tired because of the dinner last night?).
- getting out for a walk in the fresh air

It will get easier as you develop strategies that work for you. I think you did brilliantly in a testing situation.

Wocso

Thank you both for the kind words of support, today was a hard day. Some fresh air and a brisk walk to the gym really helped. Tomorrow is another day where I will wake up without any guilt or regrets. Thank god for this forum.

newby1961

Wocso I hope you are feeling a tad better today. Have you checked out the newcomers daily support forum? They have a forum that is for 30 days and under and there you will find others going through exactly what you are. It is so normal everything you wrote about. I have been through it before many times. In early sobriety our bodies as well as our emotions go through a lot of changes. If you want to learn more about that I have found that PAWS=Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms answers all those questions. Google it, and read up on it. They taught us about it in treatment and it answered so many ?'s that we all had. Also AA meetings are a great place to find support to. Glad you found SR and hope you make it through the holidays. Peace

kitkat1

Hey Wosco...

Don't minimize what you were able to do today. To walk away from that store ...without alcohol. Do you realize that what you did is really "unnatural" for us as alcoholics? What is natural for us as problem drinkers is to give in to the craving, perhaps not even putting up a fight. But you didn't. There is a big, big part of you that wants a different life for yourself and you know that sobriety is critical to that; hence your 23 or so days of sobriety.

As for me, I am 9 days sober today, and I don't even feel like the same person I was a week ago. For me, AA is the answer...has been in the past, still is. Whatever way you find out of your addiction is great; I'm not a believer that "one shoe fits all sizes."

Keep us posted on your progress, and I have a strong feeling there will definitely be progress where you're concerned.

Best wishes,

Kitkat