Was nearly defeated
Was nearly defeated
I've been pushing help away for quite some time now, maybe I set myself up for this. I told myself that I made a big plan and that was that, I said that I would never drink again and never change my mind. I got so confident and arrogant that one day I decided that I didn't need to demonize the AV, and that it didn't exist at all, I told myself that I was so powerful that I didn't need any sort of method, I was wrong. I avoided coming here for the most part because it began to feel like a sign of weakness. I made a big plan after all, I'm busy living my life, why should I mope around a forum when I have it beat?
I got put in my place this weekend, starting Wednesday night, maybe even earlier than that, I've had the most powerful cravings, the worst it's been since I quit probably, and this has been a stumbling block for me in the past. At some point in time I get a long wall of cravings that spans days, how long will it last? I don't know because I've never lasted long enough to find out. Six, seven, twelve weeks... I can go a really long time without having them at all, but when they show up, they bring the big guns and tend to stick around for a long time, each day it gets a little worse. My head got too big, I threw out my last line of defense and maybe this is what I get for it. I shouldn't feel guilty because I didn't go to the liquor store, in fact, I drove right past a couple of them and even walked past the front door of one and didn't go in. My whole idea was that I would simply not engage the AV, allow it to chatter but not engage, I guess it had been so long since I had really bad cravings that I thought it would work out that way, but it didn't.
It's back to the drawing board now, I don't think it's such a good idea to simply say I won't drink, and not have a plan. I guess I'll pick up AVRT again because it seemed to work up until I threw it out the window >_>.
I got put in my place this weekend, starting Wednesday night, maybe even earlier than that, I've had the most powerful cravings, the worst it's been since I quit probably, and this has been a stumbling block for me in the past. At some point in time I get a long wall of cravings that spans days, how long will it last? I don't know because I've never lasted long enough to find out. Six, seven, twelve weeks... I can go a really long time without having them at all, but when they show up, they bring the big guns and tend to stick around for a long time, each day it gets a little worse. My head got too big, I threw out my last line of defense and maybe this is what I get for it. I shouldn't feel guilty because I didn't go to the liquor store, in fact, I drove right past a couple of them and even walked past the front door of one and didn't go in. My whole idea was that I would simply not engage the AV, allow it to chatter but not engage, I guess it had been so long since I had really bad cravings that I thought it would work out that way, but it didn't.
It's back to the drawing board now, I don't think it's such a good idea to simply say I won't drink, and not have a plan. I guess I'll pick up AVRT again because it seemed to work up until I threw it out the window >_>.
((Admiral)) - good for you on coming back and admit "defeat". FWIW, I was similar. I thought I just had to quit, no problem. Though I use a variety of things for my recovey, SR has been one of the greatest things I've found.
If someone asked me what program I work, I couldn't honestly tell you. It's a little of this, a little of that, and a lot of what I've learned from folks here.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
If someone asked me what program I work, I couldn't honestly tell you. It's a little of this, a little of that, and a lot of what I've learned from folks here.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
I did the same, difference is that I gave in. I was to confident and I tought I could control the beast. I'm back sober, 2 weeks tomorow. This time I'm careful not to scream victory. I just go with the flow.
Great job! Big plan is and ongoing thing like you are doing so well
Great job! Big plan is and ongoing thing like you are doing so well
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