DoubleBarrel

I have come to a realization, and the AVRT technique has helped.
I am not going to drink anymore.
I realize that I will have that voice that I used to listen to, but I now have a different method to address it.

I used to get to this point in early sobriety, when "character defects" would surface, and I thought it was alcoholism.

I no longer believe that they are connected, except that alcohol masked my issues and covered up dealing with them.

I am now honest with myself, and gladly delving into things that I was previously unwilling or unable for whatever reason to face.

I also see things in a way that I really wanted to deny before.

It has been painful at times, but with each way of dealing with circumstances differently, I have gained confidence and self esteem.

Drinking has no part in the equation. Something this time is different. I have separated from the beast, and that has greatly diminished its power.

I am grateful that I have no desire to drink, and the knowledge and plan to deal with it if and/or when I do.

This website has been a blessing. I love coming here everyday and seeing what people are dealing with, it helps remind me what was, what could be, and that I am making progress. I hope others here find the kind of solace that I have.

Thepatman

Very similar experience here my friend. Something is really different this time. I don't struggle. Before I would stop and feel like I'm pushing a brick wall. This time feels easy. AVRT does help me alot

Exploring

Your post is very timely DoubleBarrel. Thanks for sharing.

freshstart57

That was great stuff, DoubleBarrel. I relate so closely to many things in your post. I remember so clearly the moment when I said - alright that's it, whatever the crap may be that I have to deal with, I am going to do it sober, dammit. This being drunk all the time just can't go on. I deserve so much more than this misery.

And as you said, the knowledge that I am dealing constructively and sober with issues that crippled me before was a huge and instant boost to the self esteem gland that had taken such a beating for years.

Your post means a lot to many who won't or can't respond to it yet. Your words convey a sort of experience, strength and hope that is uniquely yours, DoubleBarrel. Thanks.

ReadyAndAble

Thanks for the post, DB. I can totally relate. I found out last week my dad is very ill, and may not be with us much longer. I'm still sorting through the many emotions this has stirred up, but a desire to drink is not among them. In fact, I take a lot of solace in the fact that I'm in a position to face this head-on. It's gonna suck for a while, and that's OK. It's supposed to suck for a while.

All I wanted out of recovery was a chance to deal with life—the good and the bad—without being shackled to a bottle. Mission accomplished. The rest is up to me. I'm more grateful for that than ever.

RobbyRobot

Awesome share, DB. Powerful and meaningful.

AVRT is a super way to get it all together. I'm sure you've already checked out the thread in the secular forum, it rocks.

Great thread.

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Hey ReadyAndAble,

Sorry to hear about your dad. I've sent a pm, my friend.
Good to hear you're being strong!

onlythetruth

Yes, exactly, exactly. This is just how I felt. There is a real joy in being able to deal with problems instead of escaping from them. I recall early on, going through some nasty stuff and being in pain and feeling almost happy, because I was feeling honest feelings without needing to drink.

soberlicious

Me too you guys. There are no words to describe being fully present through it all.

tammy711

AVRT is a life saver. I adopted it before reading the Rational Recovery book. I am about halfway through the book. If you haven't read it, I recommend it. It goes deeper and can solidify AVRT concepts even more for you.

It is making it more personal for me. It will also help me if the time ever comes to explain it to someone else. I keep hearing about a Little Book. I will look for that one next.


Cheers!



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DoubleBarrel

I sat down and read that rational recovery book cover to cover in one sitting. I couldn't put it down. Then I read the Tao of sobriety.
It all seemed logical where, honestly, a lot of stuff before had me questioning.
I am disturbed by where I have gone in life, but confronting it and working on turning things around furthers my resolve.
I have no desire to drink. Cannot believe it.