HeavyJ

I guess I'm just not very resentful towards others, especially in the past. I presented my 4th step lists to my sponsor and there was some disconnect. My lists were small.. He asked if I had any resentments towards my wife, I said no. What about if she makes more money than me? (She does) I said why would I be resentful for that? I'm proud of her. As an example he asked if my brother had even taken anything without asking such as my bicycle. I said yes, but that was 25 years ago, why would I be resentful at that? I have had it made, good job, great wife, awesome adopted kids. The only thing I am resentful at is this disease...

Am I going about my 4th step wrong ??

Gottalife

I was short on resentments too, so I made up a couple just to keep them happy. they were real situations but I could see the humour in them. One was my ex who, when we split up took all the engagement presents and left me with all the stuff that had yet to bepaid for. HAHA just what I deserved. However there is more that one inventory. Fears and harmful conduct very rapidly showed what a nasty individual I had become, and I began to see the causes and conditions. Self centredness rooted in instinctual drives leads to unhapiness. Lust, envy, greed, sloth, shame, guilt etc etc, no wonder I had no friends left.
How do you other invetories look?

BTW resentment made itself felt after I got sober. Thank goodness we have step 10 to deal with that.

dizzychainsaw

That seems to be a good thing that you don't have many resentments. Just make sure you look deep and are honest with yourself. I had a ton of resentments. I have some resentments right now that I am trying to work through. Some of my resentments seemed petty and downright silly but the fact remained that they were there!

dizzychainsaw

I love page 64 in the Big Book where it talks about resentments.

"Resentment is the number one offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stems all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick."

Then on page 66:

"It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness."

And further down on page 66:

"If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison."

sugarbear1

When asked who I resented, I told my sponsor I had no resentments. We had an in-person deep conversation....Guess what!? I DID have resentments!

Maybe take some time to talk with your sponsor again. We often delude ourselves, even in sobriety!

amabalas

I suspect that indeed, you likely have more than a resentment towards the disease of alcoholism however, most people, in doing the steps with a Big Book sponsor don't have a gigantic list. Why? We are dealing with resentments - which is something you refeal, over and over again... currently. A resentment is much broader than anger and bitterness. A resentment is continued hurt, anger, sadness, distrust, envy, etc... It is NOT only to feel angry towards a person. Many people have a resentment towards God - the one they grew up with - or never had any kind of relationship with... Good or bad.

You don't have to have a laundry list of resentments to be thorough. Absolutely, we are being thorough when do our searching and fearless moral inventory but we are to be thorough about actual resentments we have today... not a resentment that was worked through 20 years ago with a sibling or friend. Not everyone carries around resentments from childhood. Some of us actually at one time in our lives, KNEW how to work out resentments with the other person involved and it really became a by-gone! Don't beat yourself up searching for something that is not there. Deal with what you feel today. If there are more things from childhood and in your marriage, work, etc..., you will learn in doing 4-9 how to deal with them as they crop up in life... and they will. The purpose of 4-9 is to get rid of current ones and to teach us well how to deal with them when they come up... so we seek to be rid of our grosser handicaps. Those are the ones that are bogging us down today! We become well practiced in these steps and we begin to really work a 10th step in our daily lives, thus being able to handle old ones that finally come up in mind and we are able to handle situations today and quickly deal with them before they become resentments!!

God Bless You! Keep on trudging!

bbthumper

Some of us dealt with resentment better than others. As long as you are not holding anything back and being honest. Ive seen both long and short lists. THe results seem to be the same regardless as long as you are honest.

One thing that helped me be thorough was putting down people I felt superior to, people I of whom I was jealous, people that annoyed me etc. Resentment doesnt always feel like anger.

legna

I tie resentments to 'principles before personalities'.

I tend to be a helpful, compassionate and considerate person. If I am walking down the street and see someone drop their books or groceries, I am almost certainly going to stop and help them pick them up. If I see the meter maid coming along writing tickets and pass a car whose meter just expired, I'll probably drop a quarter in the meter.

When conjuring up such an image in my head, I insert people in the scenario and see what I would do then. The results help me find resentments. Would I stop and help my abusive mother pick up her groceries if she dropped them? Yes. What if she didn't see me? Still yes. Okay, probably worked through those resentments. Would I drop as quarter in the meter as the meter maid was coming even if, at the last moment, I saw the car owners work badge on the seat of the car and it was the guy who raped my wife? No? Probably not finished working on that one.

Gottalife

Quoted for truth.

I heard a pertinent saying the other day 'Psycho-analysis is a disease that purports to be its own cure" Don't get bogged down, press on, live in the solution, not the problem.

audra

I remember not long ago I was in the kitchen thinking about my resentments. I couldn't find any at all. I thought, "this can't be right." So I sat down and began to meditate on one person and wham, all of sudden I wrote 6 pages of resentments on this one person. I think we alcoholics may have a tendency to be in denial? it just takes a little willingness and a little chipping away at the old block to have them come rumbling in like an earthquake.

audra

But hey - sorry don't get me wrong - perhaps you are one of those kind, funny and gentle people who actually don't have many. I don't mean to say that you have to have resentments just because I'm in denial of my own.

Music

Don't be concerned about things that don't exist. Also, it makes no sense at all to resent alcoholism. Accept it for what it is and move on. The whole idea behind doing a fourth step is to be "thorough" and "honest". As time passes, there may be more come to light and can be dealt with at that time. For now, write down what you can and be done with it. You can only be as thorough and honest as you can be today. Don't put this off worrying about stuff that hasn't happened yet.

HappyDestiny3

Resentments are like me drinking poison and waiting for you to die!!!!

I tried to kill myself slowly with drinking , snorting, and smoking every poison for years. So I will be damned today if I will give anyone that much power.

And some will say say "dont let them live rent free in your head. " I always say I even have a sign that say room for rent. I dont care if you have the ability to pay, the hotel is closed.