Veggiejojo

I may be getting ahead of myself here - I am only on day 29.

I did the online course, ordered the book although between working and studying for my part time degree (final exam next month), I have not had time to read it. Maybe I am making excuses. I have stated aloud that I will never drink again and I will never change my mind but I am not yet sure if I really meant it.

What I have found interesting is how my beast has evolved. Firstly she is now a she, when I first started she was definitely more of an It. She has become less beastly, and is now something worthy of sympathy. She didn't choose to pick up that first drink, but she has suffered, addication has been forced on her and she has had to suffer the withdrawal. So on those (increasingly rare) occasions that she makes herself heard, it is more of a wimper of a wounded animal and I briefly think of her and feel a bit sad.

I am well aware there is no real beast, so maybe this is me making peace with myself - or maybe my beast is damn sneaky and lulling me into trap - who knows but I am more peaceful, and not drinking doesn't feel like such a battle any more. Anywhos I am rambling maybe it's time I made the big plan and meant it, let's see if she finds her teeth again,

x

RobbyRobot

Yeah. Think trap...

Make that Big Plan be all that it can be, and mean it!

freshstart57

Congratulations Veggiejojo on arriving at the place you are today. Well done. I like to hear the acceptance you have achieved of your beast, the prospect of a life long battle is daunting and fraught with hazard.

But...as Robbie says, you have a little work to be done yet on this. Keep your ears peeled for that voice, have full and complete confidence in yourself, and put a bow on this thing. Never means never, and meaning it when you say it will make that sorry pathetic b#tch of a beast stand out like a sore thumb.

Onward!

Gavinandnikki

Sounds like you're doing very well. Thats great! I thought my Beast was dead and buried until the last few days - he (mine is male) has been resurected to remind me that Renaissance Faire season is coming up - and hey - it's been so long since Pam has had a drink - surely she can have a few at The Faire...

NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


So, it's good that I am reminded that The Beast is still there. But, that's too bad because I don't drink, so he will have to deal with it!

What I have also found to be true, at least for me, is that once I made my Big Plan, my AV became much more easily recognizable and identifiable.

Pam

Veggiejojo

Thanks all - will stay vigilant, and I will make that plan just not sure why I haven't yet. I can say the words but still not entirely convinced I mean them. I am due to share news of my quitting with a couple of other people tomorrow, so far I have only told my partner. I think maybe once I start stating that I am no longer a drinker it will start feeling more permanent,

x

Dalek

I would recommend that you read the book and the AVRT discussion thread.

The Addictive Voice will naturally tell you that you don't really mean it. Recognize that idea for what it is, pure AV, the same as "go get drunk".

Your Beast will reorganize after you learn a bit about AVRT. It is a survival drive, and has no choice but to do this, any more than your hunger drive would if someone cut off your food supply. You would naturally start thinking of new ways to get food. The Beast's amorphous AV will change its tune, its gender even, in order to get you to buy into its agenda. Personally, I recommend avoiding gender designations for that reason. Show your Beast no mercy, no sympathy, or it may get you to drive yourself into the ground.

The Beast is nothing more than the drive, or the desire, to get drunk. You do agree that such a desire exists, no? That is your Beast. It needs to hide in order to be effective, and will even boast of its own silence, as in "I haven't even thought of drinking in weeks" or "I have no desire to drink."

There is no need to fear the Beast, or to battle it, but don't make peace with it, either. Why make peace with something that can drive you to ruin? Certainly make peace with its existence, but not with the Beast itself.

RobbyRobot

Awesomely spoken. Yeah!