Seeking advice on Step -4
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 277
Seeking advice on Step -4
While working on my 4th step , I already got around 200 persons, institutes, nations, I resented, since my childhood. Due to some reason, I am able to recall my childhood friends whom I resented a lot, my school teachers, my relatives etc. And all of those people, I have not seen them for decades now. I really do not know their whereabouts. However, I am just listing each and every one whom I can recall. I may not be able to make an amends to them as I may not be able to find them. Is this right approach. ? I am not having any sponsor. I can not go to AA meetings but I am trying to do the steps , by listening to Charlie and Joe's tapes,other AA speakers , by reading BB and seeking advice on this Forum .
Last edited by llastchance8; 09-11-2012 at 01:36 AM. Reason: Spell Check
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
This is not the time for you to be concerened about amends yet
.
Are you useing the BB with the columns for your 4th?
I don't remember anything about how Joe and Charlie suggest
you do the Steps. Hope othere members will come along
who follow the tapes.
.
Are you useing the BB with the columns for your 4th?
I don't remember anything about how Joe and Charlie suggest
you do the Steps. Hope othere members will come along
who follow the tapes.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Pine Grove, PA
Posts: 146
Get a sponsor, go to meetings and start at the beginning with Step 1--that is the only step that must be done perfectly one day at a time, the rest we do to the best of our ability at the time. That is the beauty of this process we get do overs as long as we stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,191
I dont have any experience working without a sponsor. Not to say it cant be done. Many people worked an individual program out of the book in the early stages of AA when alcoholics were too spread out to work with eachother.
That being said, as long as you are being honest about your reasons for not attending AA and getting a sponsor, I think your best bet is the Big Book and Joe and Charlie. Joe and CHarlie break it down in a very simple way and you can even find the sheets they use online. They are very true to the book.
I would above all suggest getting to AA meetings and working with others. But if it is really not possible, your best bet is the book.
That being said, as long as you are being honest about your reasons for not attending AA and getting a sponsor, I think your best bet is the Big Book and Joe and Charlie. Joe and CHarlie break it down in a very simple way and you can even find the sheets they use online. They are very true to the book.
I would above all suggest getting to AA meetings and working with others. But if it is really not possible, your best bet is the book.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
wow!! someone whose 4th step list was a long as mine!!! cool!!!
many,many people in the beginning got sober with just the big book as there werent any meetings or other alcoholics in recovery around. however, we have the luxury of meetings, both F2F and online today and that is a blessing.
as stated, the 4th step isnt about making amends. it is about finding out what makes you tick. dont be concerned with amends at this time and i personally had a lot of people on my 4th step list i owed no amends to, as per my sponsor and others.
many,many people in the beginning got sober with just the big book as there werent any meetings or other alcoholics in recovery around. however, we have the luxury of meetings, both F2F and online today and that is a blessing.
as stated, the 4th step isnt about making amends. it is about finding out what makes you tick. dont be concerned with amends at this time and i personally had a lot of people on my 4th step list i owed no amends to, as per my sponsor and others.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
the list is just the beginning.
the 5th step is where I learned so much more and I could not have done that alone, maybe others could, but not me.
I hope you find someone who knows those steps and who has worked them, too!
the 5th step is where I learned so much more and I could not have done that alone, maybe others could, but not me.
I hope you find someone who knows those steps and who has worked them, too!
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 449
Follow the instructions. Listen to the tape. I did it "wrong" at first but still got a lot out of it.
If you get lost or mired down, ask questions like you have here. Amends are important but there aren't always amends related to resentments or fears. How do I make an amend to a principle ? Like gravity ? I just need to accept it, or go mad.
Prayer, writing, honest SELF APPRAISAL. The statement about it not being "sufficient" comes later. Don't even worry about the 5th Step. I knew I was taking mine to a confessional with a priest (based on instructions in the book and being new to AA lack of trust).
Later, down the road, when I found a man I felt I could trust I disclosed those items of inventory and got feedback.
It's a growth process and the development of a new skill in life that I was taught. One that I employ regularly. So no matter how "wrong" I got it or get it, I'm left with the notion the only "wrong" way is the "no way".
Just be careful getting stuck in the mud, so to speak. Adam T (available on XA) gives and analogy between inventory and Michel Angelo's statue of David. Something about Michel Angelo said he just chipped away at the pieces that were NOT David from the block and boom. There's David. The inventory process let's us, with the God of our understanding, chip away at the things that aren't us.
Good Luck
If you get lost or mired down, ask questions like you have here. Amends are important but there aren't always amends related to resentments or fears. How do I make an amend to a principle ? Like gravity ? I just need to accept it, or go mad.
Prayer, writing, honest SELF APPRAISAL. The statement about it not being "sufficient" comes later. Don't even worry about the 5th Step. I knew I was taking mine to a confessional with a priest (based on instructions in the book and being new to AA lack of trust).
Later, down the road, when I found a man I felt I could trust I disclosed those items of inventory and got feedback.
It's a growth process and the development of a new skill in life that I was taught. One that I employ regularly. So no matter how "wrong" I got it or get it, I'm left with the notion the only "wrong" way is the "no way".
Just be careful getting stuck in the mud, so to speak. Adam T (available on XA) gives and analogy between inventory and Michel Angelo's statue of David. Something about Michel Angelo said he just chipped away at the pieces that were NOT David from the block and boom. There's David. The inventory process let's us, with the God of our understanding, chip away at the things that aren't us.
Good Luck
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Laconia
Posts: 813
Originally Posted by llastchance8 
While working on my 4th step , I already got around 200 persons, institutes, nations, I resented, since my childhood. Due to some reason, I am able to recall my childhood friends whom I resented a lot, my school teachers, my relatives etc. And all of those people, I have not seen them for decades now. I really do not know their whereabouts. However, I am just listing each and every one whom I can recall. I may not be able to make an amends to them as I may not be able to find them. Is this right approach. ? I am not having any sponsor. I can not go to AA meetings but I am trying to do the steps , by listening to Charlie and Joe's tapes,other AA speakers , by reading BB and seeking advice on this Forum .
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
