tzivia

How do you distinguish the beast from you? I know that any thought I have about wanting to drink is the beast, because I know "I" do not want to drink. But even though I know these thoughts are not me, I still feel like they are. I feel like I really am the one that wants to drink. I can't separate it from me. Any suggestions?

I've just been shoving any and all thoughts of drinking aside, trying to remember it's not me, but it's hard. I'm on day 16, so doing okay I guess, but it feels like it should be easier than this. Does it get easier? Do those of you with more sober time find that it becomes easier to separate the beast from yourself?

I'm afraid if I keep going the way I'm going, I'll just give in and drink. I don't feel like I want to drink now, but worry that I'll cave when my beast starts acting up again.

hypochondriac

I suppose it's just a matter of learning to recognise it as the beast, it takes practice. I always think my AV is sneaky because it will slip little thoughts in there which aren't obvious, like instead of it just screaming 'I want a drink' it will say stuff like 'see how you feel in a few months', like if I'm not feeling better then I should drink again.

What is it you're finding hard tzivia? I found resisting the urge to drink relatively easy using AVRT but then other stuff wasn't as easy, like feeling generally rubbish...

Well done on day 16 x

freshstart57

Tzivia, I am not sure if this is giving you any useful info or not, but the addictive voice is any thought about drinking now or in the future, or any doubt in your own ability to stop drinking.

If you can identify the beast OK, but are having trouble keeping your distance, it might be because you have not yet made your Big Plan, your vow to never drink again and to never change your mind. Am I close?

Just for practice, you know the source of this, don't you? I'll give you a hint if you want, the initials of first and last name, if you like. And a big congratulations to you on your success to date. Well done.

tzivia

I guess that's what it is, my fear of failure. I didn't recognize that as my AV. It's all I've known so far, since I've failed every time I've stopped drinking. I do need to make a Big Plan. I did once before, a few years ago, when I first read the RR book. I guess I didn't truly mean it, since I did drink again. Maybe I didn't understand it.

Think I need to go back and read RR again, and then make a Big Plan. And mean it this time. Thanks for your help hypochondriac and freshstart.

freshstart57

I am hearing that your confidence in yourself is lagging a bit. If I could do it, you can do it too (I used to be the guy that said, 'I can resist anything except temptation').

An important part of AVRT is to crank up the self confidence to 11, you have to believe in yourself and your ability. I believe you can do it, Tzivia, and I know you can too.

ReadyAndAble

If it even remotely allows for the possibility of ever drinking again, I know where it's coming from. Silly Beast. He never learns.

You can do it. Meaning it is the key. We've been talking about that a lot lately—the commitment. It seems like a huge step, doesn't it? A leap into a misty chasm.

Why does it always seem so daunting to us? We know what's waiting for us. Safety. Comfort. Contentment. Man, contentment was a scarce resource when I was drinking. It's not as big a leap as you think. You can get there, and you can stay there.

Admiral

To me the addictive voice is not about the urges, but the more subtle lies and flawed ways of thinking that tend to come with them.

I've caught myself setting up complex situations that will lead back to relapse in a sneaky and unnoticed way, and I don't feel like I do it consciously. Am I going to see old friends to hang out? Or am I doing it just to put myself in close proximity to dealers and people who will make me feel like it's okay to start using again?

Such scandalous acts must be uncovered and brought to attention.

"I can go over there, I am in control now and won't use."
Wrong.

"I overreacted last time, people are right, I'm too sensitive, I don't really have a problem."
Wrong.

"I wonder if they need a ride to work today, I'll call them and ask to be nice."
Really? I never gave half a damn before, why do I care now? Because a nice gesture will put me right in place to ask to buy drugs.


I have to get into the mindset that someone is actively waiting to trip me up and deceive me, this is the addictive voice, I have to be ready at any time and I must always be honest with myself and decide if my actions are for me or for the addiction.