StepWithMe

Hey Folks. As you can tell from the title of this post, I just started my 4th Step with my sponsor (as it's laid out in the Big Book), and I'm working on the resentment portion and I wanted to compare notes with other folks: What sort of numbers did people come up with for people that they held resentments towards? 50? 100? 500? Thanks in advance.

CarolD

Welcome to SR....

i did mine directly from the BB too..many years ago.
Glad you are beginnning your 4th.


I really don't recall but by doing a nightly inventory and taking
quick action ...I find the numbers far less ..

tomsteve

as many as i could remember and be searching and fearless lookin for. i do know i had more towards myself than anyone else.

StepWithMe

Thanks guys. I've been at it for less than 24 hours, and I have about a hundred resentments toward individuals. I know there's still more in there, but I want to make sure I'm being fearless and thorough rather than exhaustive. I guess it's time for a 3rd step prayer and then I'll know.

MetalChick

I am on step 4 as well. I really thought I would have a lot of resentments towards others, but the majority are self directed.

sugarbear1

Sponsor said, "Write down the people you are resentful at."
My response: "but I have no resentments today."

We had a discussion, then I was told to write a name, skip two lines.

about 4 pages, every third line, legal pad paper. Must I go count??

After that was done, I was given the next step, then the next, then the next..... Very early recovery. Everything had to be said simply....

I suggest you get through that step, no intellectualizing, just do it.

FlyerFan

I had at least 30, but my list was small, as I am still very young and did not have a chance to **** off more people before I stopped drinking, lol. :P

StepWithMe

Good advice. I'll keep that in mind.

Yeah, I have always been in the "accelerated" group, and with only 9 years of drinking, I figure that I'll have a low number as well. Unfortunately, I was selfish and self-seeking well before I picked up the first drink.

FlyerFan

0_o the forum blocks out "pee" but we can say other worse things? Lol. That makes no sense. :P Interesting.

Anyway I understand that. I'm 24 and got sober 7 months ago, within the last 3 years I accelerated big time and I am kind of glad I did. I would rather be sober now then have to suffer another 10 or 20 years and do it later.

jillbedford

I have done a few step fours. I am of the set that feels you should re-visit your step four each year.
I am four years sober and I have done two complete step fours. (So like many things, I am not disciplined in this.)

I do step four from the big book and I have done one from Hazeldon. Personally, I got more out of the big book one. Something about writing everything out in my own handwriting.

For me, I find it wise to use a pencil. Helps to be able to go back and re-write, erase, change, whatever is needed.

I put down those BIG heavy hitting resentments for sure. Then I go back and put what comes to mind. Before I start I ask God to help me to be honest and willing and open-minded. Then I just start writing. I keep writing (down the list) until I can NOT think of any more.

For me, this is less than 15 resentments. And for me, it is the little ones that are the biggest triggers. I feel it is because you know they are little and one should be able to cowgirl up to these. That's just life.
Specifically, I have a resentment against Wal-mart. The lack of quality, the lack of inventory, the lack of parking and the check out wait time and inefficiency. I actually call my sponcer from the Wal-Mart parking lot. Many times.

My part? Why do I go to Wal-Mart anyway?

I LOVE step four. For me, I do a sort of baby step four in my head at (when I retire at night). It has helped me tremendously.

Bottom line, this is YOUR program. You do what works for you and keeps you sober.

Veritas1

I'm working on my grudge list, and am listening to Don P. Spiritual Journey.

He talks about not putting myself on my grudge list.

I always have in the past.

I thought the biggest resentment I had was towards myself.

I failed.

Don says, "There's a presumption that if I am mad at myself for not having done better, that I had the power to do better, and I didn't."

~

Either I was driven by alcoholism, powerless, unmanageable, or not. (my words)...for me...

I am seeing...and following his lead this time to leave myself off my 4th step.

I can't resent myself anymore for not being what I think I should have been or done, or had or didn't have.

Don said putting self on the 4th step was self indulgence.

I started tonight and have about 350 on the grudge list so far.

~

Don P. from Aurora, CO speaking on steps 3 and 4 at The Big Book - A Spiritual Journey workshop at Mount Manresa in Staten Island NY - December 19th 2003

9 minutes in, he talks about putting self on inventory

XA-Speakers - The lights are on!

Taking5

Not a lot of difference in meaning between those 2 words. Don't nit pick, do it.