Heynonomus

I really need someone to talk to. Please. I'm just so tired of the ups and downs; the foxhole prayers and being sick everyday. I'm sick when I use and I'm a maniac when I don't use. its like my body knows its being poisoned but without it my mind is crazy.

DOC- heroin/everything

thanks.

KnowHope

You sound a lot like me. I hope you will consider making it to a meeting today. I got to that place where I couldn't live with drugs and couldn't live without them. My using was robbing me of everything that mattered to me in my life including my sanity. After years of trying to manage it, control it, substitute it, I finally stopped using and kept waiting for that day when everything would be back to normal in me, but I began to see that this was going to be a journey that went far beyond just not using. I have been clean for some years now, and I love recovery. I would be nowhere without the 12 step fellowships. They have really helped to save my life. I hope you will accept the help that's out there - you are definitely not alone.

codepen

I posted on another section to one of your post...so ck your account

Heynonomus

Hey, I actually have been clean from heroin since Thursday; wednesday I used enough to get out of bed, I've been kicking since then and have been to three meetings since.. I don't know why, I lived in a city though before moving home and was active in AA, when I moved home I got depressed. There aren't many young people in the rooms where I live, or anywhere around where I live which is a bit of a drag. I know people say, "go for the message," but a big part of it for me is isolating/not having anyone sober to hang out with. I pray randomly through the day, I've gone through the steps I just never truly admitted I was powerless, but the needle changes a lot of minds about a lot of things. I have 2 hours to get through and I have another day clean. thanks for responding..

SeekingGrowth

Congratulations, Heynonomus. What great progress! Keep up the good work. Are you using anything to help you with the kick, or going CT?

KnowHope

Attaboy!!! I'm proud of you Heynonomus! I'm so glad to hear you're making it back to the rooms. As far as the young thing is concerned, what about a perspective changer? Why not be the younger person in the rooms, so that the next time another young person walks in you can also be there for them? I got clean/sober in my 20's, and I have found it valuable to be able to get the shared life experience of so many others that have been around the block already. I know that many of them only wish they had come into recovery at a younger age. As far as powerlessness is concerned, you're right, it's fundamental. I talk about experiencing the first step, and the admission to my innermost self has got to go down to my very core, so that I can even feel it in my gut, like even down to the cell level. I truly believe that having a first step foundation also has a lot to do with the way I work the rest of the steps. You're getting it, you're doing it! I hope you find a qualified sponsor to take you through the Big Book sooner than later for an entirely new experience - the real deal, with the tools to stay clean for life. Enormous amounts of love and encouragement. You're doing great - keep going!!

bluerskies

A Prayer
Refuse to fall down
If you cannot refuse to fall down,
refuse to stay down.
If you cannot refuse to stay down,
lift your heart toward heaven,
and like a hungry beggar,
ask that it be filled.
You may be pushed down.
You may be kept from rising.
But no one can keep you from lifting your heart
toward heaven
only you.
It is in the middle of misery
that so much becomes clear.
The one who says nothing good
came of this,
is not yet listening.
― Clarissa Pinkola Estés

KnowHope

I really love this, thank you so much for sharing it.

zvaka

Beautiful. Thanks.