rexam

Hi everyone I need help I cannot do this alone. I am 33 yrs old and have been using cocaine in one form or another since I was 17. I have been to rehab 6 times numerous brushes with the law. I have been in and out of NA also. Currently, the only thing keeping me from using is the fact that I can't get in touch with my dealer. I can't think of anything other than getting high. It is on my mind from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep. It consumes every thought I have. I am sick of it. I hate it, but I can't stop. I go long periods of time without doing it and then I pick it up again. I pick it up because I forget about the pain it causes me. All I remember is the 5 min of euphoria that comes from that first hit. I know it will be my downfall but it doesn't stop me. I have a lot to lose right now too.5 years ago I lost everything. My wife, my job, visitation with my daughter. I was out of control. I went to rehab for the 6th time and at that point I had enough. So I followed the program and built my life back up. Today I have a new job, a new wife and great relationship with my ex-wife and I see my daughter regularly. But I relapsed last year and started injecting instead of snorting. That was the biggest mistake I could have made. The urges are so much stronger and now I am obsessed with the ritual of it all. The preparation, the rush. I do not want to go back to NA or rehab. I just needed to share with people who understand what I'm going through and hear some feedback. Thank you for listening.

Dee74

Welcome Rex

Ok - so, what kind of advice are you looking for Rex?

Have you tried SMART Recovery or Rational Recovery?
both are non 12 step programmes if that interests you....

D

rexam

Not really looking for advice. In the past talking to other addicts has helped me. I was under the impression this message board was a form of support. I guess I want to know what has worked for other addicts.

Impurrfect

(((Rexam))) - Welcome to SR! I'm a recovering crack addict - remember how that was all I could think about. Lost a lot...good career, most material belongings, dear friends, etc.

I used to go to meetings, and I still use what I learned there. I don't go now, but trust me..if what I am doing now stops working? I will be there when the doors open. What has worked for me was to read a TON of posts here, over the years. I tried a little of what this person did, a little of what that person did, etc.

It doesn't work for everyone, but I have over 5 years in recovery. My point is, there are soooo many ways to find recovery, the main thing is you have to want it more than anything else.

When I first began recovery, I did two things. When the cravings would come up, I'd tell myself "not an option...next" with "next" being FIND SOMETHING TO DISTRACT MYSELF - and quick. The other thing was that I remembered what happened the last time I used (a relapse)...in vivid detail. I couldn't get high enough, no matter how much I used, and I was near suicidal. It just wasn't working for me any more.

I'd lurked here for about 2 years, finally signed on at about 6 months clean. It was the best decision I ever made.

Please keep reading and posting. Recovery isn't easy, no matter what method or combination of methods you use, but it is very much worth it.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

rexam

Thank you, Amy.

Dee74

I've never found a more supportive place
good luck with your progress

D

frankinnc

Hi Rex, I'm a recovering crack addict who just came back from a brief relapse. And I've found that 12 step groups are the answer--at least in the beginning. Sure, I know that they can suck (I complain about them all the time), but where else are ya gonna find such a large group of people who are sober---people who know how to stay sober? I noticed that you say that you find yourself quitting and then picking back up again because you forget about the pain. Yeah, I can relate, it's happened to me before too...but I've found that going to 12 step meetings and listening to the people there talk about it every day ---over and over and over ---helps me to remember it . I've also discovered that whenever I don't wanna go is usually when I need to go,lol. But that's just me.My humble suggestion would be to go back there (at least for now), get some phone numbers, and then use those phone numbers as a life-line the next time that you feel like using. Peace.

MelanieM

I am also a recovering crack addict like the previous people in this thread. I can say that what has helped me is a strong support system and lots of therapy. I finally realized that I am incapable of just getting $20 or $50 worth and then stop. It NEVER works out that way. You have to remind yourself on a regular basis what the circumstances will be if you use. Get back in NA, get a sponsor, find a therapist, go to an intensive outpatient program, check out the NA book from the library and educate yourself about addiction. A particular quote from the NA book kinda sums it up, " No one can use drugs successfully!!" You will eventually sink aboard the addiction boat. If you think about it constantly you need to find something to do to take your mind off of it.
You have to change your playgrounds and your playmates. Also, idle hands are the devils playground. Cocaine is the DEVIL. It will lead you to hell eventually.
Sounds to me you have a lot to live for and people in your life who are counting on you!! You will regret letting them down if you use again. Is that few min of high worth losing everything again? Definately not.
Reach out for help honey and quick.
I wish you the best !! Come back here as much as you can. This site will help.
Stay strong and realize you have an obligation to your family to do what is right.
Good luck !!
Melanie

england

Welcome to the board - I am 10 months clean from cocaine so I know its not impossible to stop.

I only stopped because I had a reason - it made me ill, without a reason to stop I would still be using.

I've not used NA but used professional help as cocaine messed up my head. I didnt want to use any help but I realised that without it I would probably be in the gutter.

Find some other interests as this will help focus your mind.

Good luck as I know that you can stop using again.

Let me know if you need any additional help and I'll try my best to offer you some advice.

rexam

Thank you for all the replies. I think my only to chance is to get to therapy and get to meetings. The meetings have helped before and I picked up a lot of valuable tools that I continued to use after I stopped the meetings. Somewhere somehow I allowed myself to slip. I am going to see if my old outpatient will take my insurance and take it from there. I wanted to be able to stop on my own. So far doing it on my own has not worked out so great.